This past Wednesday was my birthday, and as you may have guessed from the title of this blog entry, I turned 30. For some reason, I have made a much bigger deal about this than what it probably constitutes in reality. There's just something depressing about leaving my 20's behind. I did spend a third of my life there, after all. My twenties were pretty amazing all in all, and I just don't see how it could get much better. There were some hard times of course, in particular with the bipolar stuff, but overall I had a fantastic time in my twenties. From college to living in community in a couple different locations worldwide to traveling the world a couple times over to landing my first job to doing a bunch of cool adventure sport type stuff, all in all my twenties were spectacular. That is why I'm sad to see them go.
I've always associated a few things with this coming decade. One is settling down and starting a family. You may laugh as many people start that in their twenties, but for whatever reason I had a pretty good feeling that I would wait until I was at least 30 to start pursuing anything worthwhile in the relationship category. Now I have a girlfriend and a steady place to live, both signs of starting to slow down a little bit. Twenties are when you find yourself and explore the world in the process, at least that's what they were to me. What are thirties supposed to entail exactly? Not really sure about settling down quite yet, and I don't necessarily have to. This summer for example I'm traveling to Istanbul, Turkey and then to some different countries throughout Eastern Europe. As I've mentioned in a blog or two before, I suddenly have this weird acceptance with marriage as a potential even for me that I've never quite had before. This scares the crap out of me quite frankly. I've been skydiving 3 times and bungy jumping off of the world's highest bungy bridge but marriage? That is really terrifying to me. Waking up to the same person every day for the rest of your life? Really? What part about that sounds fun? Clearly, I still have some trepidation about marriage, so I'll have to see where that leads me.
My country count is now up to 26 or 27 with probably 25 or 26 of those countries having been visited in my twenties. How am I supposed to surpass that number for my thirties? Of course, I'm sure that with a little bit of determination and stubbornness I could surely accomplish that. That isn't necessarily one of my travel goals, although maybe I should make it one? Go to at least 25 new countries while in my thirties? This summer should give me a good head start theoretically. Not sure how many countries I'll be visiting in Eastern Europe but it will hopefully be a good number. I'll have 2-3 weeks to explore so I think I can do quite a bit within that time frame, it's just a matter of how much I'll be able to afford. Something different that I've done this year is set aside an emergency fund. It's what the experts suggest you do and it sounded like a good idea. Now I'm just a little concerned that I'll have to dip into that quite a bit for this summer, which isn't exactly an emergency. If I settle down with a woman though, the traveling would probably have to come to a close, especially if we ended up having kids. For example, I work with a friend who has traveled way more than I have but is now expecting to have her second kid and she has said her traveling will slow down significantly now. Maybe I'll just get a vasectomy and call it a day; a day that I can travel a lot more due to not having any kids.
You see, these are the things I think about when I think about turning 30. Marriage and children, all the stuff real grown-ups do. Not to mention the part that my mom has told me I share in common with my dad about reflecting on your life up to this point and thinking about whether you made any real difference in the world or not. This usually leads to a state of melancholy so I've avoided it for the most part this year. Even though I get down on myself fairly easily I do have to acknowledge that by this point in my career, I've touched the lives of a couple hundred students, hopefully for the better so there's that.
Back to the marriage and kids thought; there's a big part of me that wants to be as free as possible from any possible entanglements. It's bad enough that I'm bipolar and as a result can't live as free as I'd like because the truth is I need insurance to pay for my medicine. Say what you will about how great the institution of marriage is, but the fact remains that it takes away from one's freedom. When you have kids, even more so. The Bible I read though, says to spend yourself on behalf of others. Marriage and parenting seem like a fairly safe place to do that. How many people just care about their own families though, and don't serve anyone outside of that when they get all settled down? How many times do I look at my friends' lives and wonder how they juggle everything with 3 jobs and 3 kids and a wife to look after? Where is there time to serve anyone else in the midst of all that chaos?
Maybe my thirties won't be so bad after all. Like I told a friend last night, I was sure I would hate kindergarten but I turned out to love it; which is still a mystery unto itself. Maybe my thirties will be the same. Maybe I'll settle down and end up loving the American dream instead of despising it like I do now. Or maybe I won't settle down and love living on my own like I've grown accustomed to over the past decade. Whatever my thirties has in store for me, I know my God will be with me every step of the way. He will always be by my side, no matter how far away I try to push Him. Even when I can't feel Him or see Him, I know He'll be there. With Jesus, I'm invited into the Holy of Holies, to experience God's very real presence. What more could I ask for? So here's to my thirties and whatever life throws at me during them, may God be glorified through all the triumphs and failures, the high's and the low's, the good times and bad.
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