Baby Steps

So, what’s the solution to my weight loss dilemma and bad habit of too much sugar consumption?  I need to figure out what the baby steps are and then take those baby steps.  I know this, I’ve read it in 400 different books and apply it to my financial situation with Ramsey’s 7 baby steps.  As a side note, getting out of debt doesn’t feel like a baby step, it feels like a Goliath step.

There are 3 things I’m wanting to try and do every day.  Every day I want to read, write and exercise.  If I can do those three things every day, I’d call that a success.  Maybe not even write every day since I’m just trying to do 2 blogs a week on average, but I try and read the Bible every day and some kind of exercise would be highly beneficial every day.

How do you do those 3 seemingly simple things?  It’s not the difficulty of any of those things for me that’s the problem; it’s the consistency that I want with each that I fall short of.  Just like with cutting down on sugar, I need to make baby steps.  Write just a little every day.  Follow a Bible plan every day and set aside other time for more leisure based reading.  Set aside 30 minutes for exercise.

Any habit a person wants to start should start with baby steps.  I’ve learned this the hard way yet again in trying to lose weight.  I drank from a fire hose talking to my personal trainer buddy and have since gone back to him with my tail tucked between my legs since so far I’ve failed on trying to lose body fat.  

Perhaps losing body fat is a lot like losing debt.  It takes a detailed plan and it requires taking the first baby step.  I probably need to add sweet tea to the bet with my friend that helped me get off soda.  I justify sweet tea though because at least it doesn’t have all the chemicals of soda, right?  Still though, all that sugar is just not good for me.  Here’s to baby steps.

Bad Habit

As you may have guessed from this blog’s title, I’ve been struggling lately with a bad habit.  The good news is that in January I have not had one single soda.  The reason is that I set a bet with a friend that every time I drank a soda I owed him $5.  Bada bing bada boom, I don’t drink soda anymore.

The bad news is I simply replaced the soda habit with a sweet tea habit.  I’ve cut it down to half sweet and half unsweet tea but still, way too much sugar.  I’ve tried My Fitness Pal and counting calories, but honestly I just forget 9 times out of 10 to do that.  I talked to a dear friend who is a personal trainer about putting myself on a plan and we talked for an hour and I got way too much information and am not sure what the first few steps to take are.

Sugar is far and away my worst bad habit in terms of diet and exercise.  I haven’t been exercising as much this past week either but sugar is so much worse in terms of the effects on your body.  I saw a documentary that said something like 1 cookie is equivalent to 20 minutes of jogging.  A doctor friend of mine said weight loss is 80% nutrition and 20% exercise.  Obviously, I need to put more work into the diet side of the equation.

I also have a weakness for salt and vinegar chips.  They are such a downfall of mine.  Way too much sodium that makes me retain water, and yet my mouth is watering just typing about the darn things.  When I’m overseas weight just falls off of me.  It’s got to do with diet I’m sure as my diet is different when I’m overseas.  The portions are more sane to put it nicely.  Here I’ve got to be more in control of my portion sizes and for whatever reason that is just really tough for me.  I can’t remember the last time I didn’t clear my plate; I feel that I’m being wasteful when I don’t clear my plate.

What's Your Counterfact?

This blog is inspired again by The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor.  In one of the chapters he talks about how people can count themselves lucky or unlucky in regards to the exact same situation.  The example he gives is of a person who was in a bank and suddenly a robber comes in.  He shoots his gun only once and it hits you in the arm.  Was the situation lucky or unlucky?  It depends on your counterfact.  If you say that it was unlucky because you got shot in the arm, you’re not taking the whole situation into account.  The robber could’ve shot a lot more people, you could’ve been killed yourself, kids could’ve been hurt, etc.

It’s almost the same as saying, “It could always be worse.”  Only in this case it’s got a more positive feel to it.  If you just focus on the problem at hand instead of being grateful for what you already have, you are much more likely to get into a downward spiral than an upward one.  I find this happens to me quite frequently.  I have a tendency to be rather like Eeyore way more than I would like.

Then I’m reminded by a coworker of the same wisdom my grandma would give me; count your blessings.  It’s not enough to say, “There’s a lot of people in way worse situations.”  That provides little if any comfort to the person who is down.  Rather encouraging someone to think about what they do have can do a world of good.  Again, it’s all a matter of focus.  There’s no need to discount how difficult things may be, just don’t get stuck there as it is so easy to do sometimes.

Disputing Your Own Thinking

Again, this is an idea from The Happiness Advantage, a book I recently finished by Shawn Achor.  As a side note, a book has to really capture my attention for me to actually finish it.  I’ve lost track of all the books I’ve read only halfway through.  Maybe that says more about my attention span than how good the book is but that’s another blog post for another day.

I’ve read about this process before in other self-help type of books, in particular ones that talk about depression.  Basically, it’s the idea of putting your thoughts on trial.  Some refer to it as part of cognitive behavior therapy.  Others refer to it as part of part of the ABCD model of interpretation: Adversity, Belief, Consequence, and Disputation.  However you refer to it, it means the same thing, allow me to explain.

When you’re stuck in negative thinking, you have a tendency to believe that what you feel is what is actually real.  What you feel is not necessarily real, nor is your original belief that made you feel that way.  When you’re struggling with negative thinking, it’s vital to put them on trial.  Try to think objectively by asking questions such as, “If a friend was struggling with this problem, would I indulge them by allowing them to think the same way I am or would I argue with them about their negative thinking?”  

It’s not to say everything can be seen in a positive light, of course not.  It’s simply giving weight where it’s necessary and removing it where it’s unnecessary.  It often has to do with all or nothing type of thinking.  Or thoughts like you’re a failure when you fail at something.  You may fail at something but that doesn’t cause you to be a failure.  It means you actually tried something new which is more than a lot of people can say for themselves.  That’s one that I’ve often struggled with thinking in the past, that I was a failure.  During those times I have to remind myself I’ve been a contributing member of society by being a teacher and offering encouragement and laughter to those around me.  That’s how you dispute your own thinking.

Post-Traumatic Growth

This idea came from the book I just finished titled The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor.  It’s a wonderful easy read that I’d recommend to just about anyone.  He has done loads of research and read and references tons of research throughout the books so it’s not just a lot of fluff like you might suspect from the title.

In his chapter titled ‘Principle #4: Falling Up’, he talks about how researchers have found some of the very worst things that can happen to us like a heart attack or military combat can spur profound positive growth in many individuals.  It goes right along with the maxim “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”  “The people who can most successfully get themselves up off the mat are those who define themselves not by what has happened to them, but by what they can make out of what has happened.” (p111, The Happiness Advantage.)

We’ve all heard this type of thing before, just dressed up a little differently.  ‘When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’  Nowhere did anyone say life was going to be easy, but what determines our happiness is only 10% based on circumstances.  This means that two people can go through the same set of circumstances and have vastly different results that come about.

What matters is their mindset.  Do they see this extremely difficult situation as an opportunity for growth.  Or do they become defeated at how hard it all is and want to throw in the towel.  I can tell you for myself I definitely lean strongly toward the latter.  When times are tough I often get very discouraged by my circumstances instead of taking control of how I react to those situations and face them head on.  That part of the book was a great reminder that even the worst of times can lead to growth and more personal fulfillment if we choose to make it so.

A Simple Love Hack for Husbands

I decided to write this post because I figured not a lot of guys do this and it’s a fairly simple step to take to make deposits in your wife’s love bank or however you want to put it.  Since I’m fairly certain more women read my blog than men, feel free to share this with your significant others if you’re a woman reading this.

Something you may not know about me is that I’m forgetful...most of the time.  Hence why I proposed on my birthday and got married on New Year’s Eve, so I’d never forget those dates.  With this in mind, when I was a teacher I would often struggle with remembering all I had to do.  This was before I was introduced to Google Calendar and Google Tasks.  Some people prefer written to do lists and physical calendars but I’ve found my brain works best with digital assistants.

The best way I feel I’ve loved my wife over the past year is by making a Google Calendar event that repeats every two weeks.  It simply says, ‘Check in on flowers, chocolates or love letter.’  That way, every two weeks I remember to do those simple and inexpensive things.  I like writing so that is most often what I do, but I also know Steffani is like most women and appreciates the occasional flowers and/or chocolate.  As an added bonus, if I get a king-sized candy bar I usually get to eat half of it because she normally doesn’t want it.

The flowers are inexpensive because I get them from Walmart.  It has been my extensive research to conclude that flowers are the same no matter where you get them from.  So, men, don’t just wait for Valentine’s Day to express your love to your wife or significant other.  Make a simple repeating calendar event on whichever digital calendar you use to remind yourself to do something just a little special to brighten your woman’s day.  That’s it, that’s the big love hack.

Rose Tinted Glasses

Currently I’m reading a book titled The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor.  It sounds like a ridiculous title of course but is actually quite good and helpful in my situation.  He talks about how some people say if you focus only on positives and being optimistic than you will necessarily miss big problems.

His response is to wear rose tinted glasses in life, not rose colored.  If you wear rose colored glasses than you will miss big problems.  However, rose tinted is just the right amount of optimism that you are able to perform better on daily tasks whether it’s in your work life or at home.

Something I got from another book that he mentions as well and I would encourage everyone to practice is saying three new things you’re grateful for every day at a set time.  I try and remember to do this every night at dinner with Steffani.  We’re not perfect to be sure, as a matter of fact I think I forgot to do it tonight, but it is a very healthy, sustainable and easy habit to get into.  It does a tremendous amount of good in your life as well.  In particular if you’re prone to negative thinking like I often am.

What are some positive things going on in your life right now?  It’s so easy to focus on the negative stresses of everyday living.  What if we chose instead to be role models to our spouses, children, coworkers, employers, employees, etc. in the way we look at the world.  This is so difficult to do and we must realize it takes practice like just about anything else in life.

When was the last time you took time to be grateful for 3 things in the past 24 hours.  If you can’t think of three, think of one or two.  As long as you’re practicing gratitude it will go a long way toward a happier life.  Happiness as the author defines it has a lot more to do with joy in meeting your potential than fleeting pleasure by the way.  Perhaps that’s why the book is worth the read.

New Year, New Goals

It’s already a new year, wow.  2016 has swept in under me without me even realizing it.  I’ve been married for a year now.  Can I just say wow about that to begin with?  I’ve been married for a year, hard to believe that.

As is my custom, I made some goals for this year.  I don’t really do resolutions because it seems like they’re just wishes.  Goals on the other hand are more concrete and if you do it right you make a roadmap for yourself to accomplish those goals.

I have my goals listed on my fridge with an action plan for each one.  They’re intimidating to be frank, goals like getting fully funded and moving overseas for instance.  And they’re not achievable apart from Jesus Christ.  Even atheists who think they accomplish goals and accumulate wealth on their own are sadly mistaken.  They wouldn’t even be breathing apart from God’s common grace to all mankind.

It didn’t take me too long to come up with my goals.  Some of them are the same as last year and that’s okay with me.  A couple of them last year were shoot for the moon.  The beauty about shoot for the moon goals are that even if you don’t hit them if you keep aiming for them you make quite a bit of headway.  Such was the case with my shoot for the moon goals last year; while I didn’t hit them I/we made a ton of headway on them which was awesome to see.

Ultimately, I lean on Christ to help make goals happen.  This same Christ calls me to work hard to achieve these goals.  There’s a balance that seems hard to strike between praying and action.  One of the great saints is quoted often as saying, “Pray as if it all depends on God, act as if it all depends on you.”  Seems like a good way to try and balance it.  

My concern for modern day Americans would be that we would slip into the ‘bootstrap mentality’ that is at our core as a nation.  No one pulls them up by their bootstraps if you look at it Biblically.  Everything is a gift from God’s hand.  There is reaping and sowing to be sure, but ultimately everything we’re given is a gift.

My parents have always said that they don’t deserve anything, everything is a gift from God.  It’s such a good reminder to me.  They’ve worked hard their whole lives, but they still recognize that what they’ve been blessed with are gifts from God’s hand alone.  There are people all over the world that don’t have it as good as most Americans and work harder and longer hours than us.

What are your goals for this new year?  Do you have an action plan to meet those goals?