Parenting Practices, #1 - Nightly Mantra and Prayer

 I just wanted to put some ideas out there that have helped us form our children in the spiritual direction we want them to go.  They are 6 and 3 right now, and while I have no control on how they ultimately end up, I'm going to try my best to influence and point them to Jesus.  There are some of these practices that I'm good at and some I'm not good at in terms of consistency.

The first parenting practice I wanted to share is a nightly mantra I do with my kids at night.  It's fairly simple and straight forward.  I do this because I want them to speak well of themselves, something I personally struggle a lot with.  I want them to know these truths deep in their bones, that's why we say them nightly.

So, here it is:

Me: "You are kind"  kid: "I am kind"

Me: "You are special"  kid:  "I am special"

Me:  "You are brave"  kid:  "I am brave"

Me:  "You are strong"  kid:  "I am strong"

Me:  "You are handsome/beautiful (depending on which kid)"  kid:  "I am handsome/beautiful"

Me: "You are smart"  kid:  "I am smart"

Me:  "You are loved"  kid:  "I am loved"

Me:  "When you do good things."  kid: "When I do good things"

Me:  "And when you do bad things"  kid: "And when I do bad things"

Me:  "Daddy loves you"  kid: "Daddy loves me"

Me: "Great big as the world"  kid:  "Great big as the world"

Me: "Mama loves you"  kid:  "Mama loves me"

Me: "Great big as the world" kid: "Great big as the world"

Me: "God loves you"  kid: "God loves me"

Me:  "Great big as the universe"  kid:  "Great big as the universe"

These are truths I want them to wrap their heads around.  My son unfortunately already has a hard time with beating himself up like I do.  Obviously I don't do that in front of him but nevertheless he struggles with it like I do.  And so, the only thing I know to do for him is to pray for him and to teach him this mantra.

I always follow up the mantra with a prayer.  It's usually a simple prayer that they repeat after me.  I usually have them pray for something themselves as part of it, but sometimes they're too tired to think of anything.  I struggle with the same thing in my own walk with God.

I pray this serves them well as they get older.  When self-doubt creeps in like it does for everyone, I hope they can fall back on these truths I'm teaching them now.

"Daddy, why did God make me?"

The last few weeks have been rough weather wise which translates to a rough time mental wise for myself and many others.  2 weeks of too cold to get outside with my kids left all of us with a bad case of cabin fever.  Followed by a week full of nonstop rain for 3 days straight and we're all about to lose it.  Yesterday, however, was a very good day.  It was still gray and dreary out but it at least wasn't raining.

Infinitely more importantly was the question my son posed to me on the way to replace a frisbee we had thrown into the drainage pipe so perfectly that it's exactly halfway from either side and therefore unreachable even with a long pole.  As we're driving to the dollar store, he catches me off guard by asking me, out of nowhere, "Daddy, why did God make me?"

Nearly all the time I wonder if what we're teaching out kids at home is making any impact whatsoever.  I've started implementing a nightly prayer with my two kiddos as well as a mantra but most days I feel more like I'm throwing pasta at the wall and hoping something spiritual sticks.  I try and read them a kid's Bible once or twice a week and we take them to church almost every week they're open and we're home.  Still, I wonder.  I try and be very intentional about my kid's spiritual formation by doing that as well as praying with my wife nightly for help with our parenting as God parents us.

And then, there's reality that hits hard every day.  My 5 year old son whines way more than my 3 year old daughter.  Then I whine to others about him whining and wonder where he gets it  ;)  It can grate on our nerves so much I feel like I'm going to come unglued some days.  

Yet somehow, God continues to show me mercy and meet me in my impatience with my kids to mature.  My son asks me why God made him and I'm floored at my 5 year old asking a millennia old question.  Whoa, this is the type of question people get philosophy degrees trying to figure out.  A secular version is, "Why am I here?" but the premise is the same.  We all want to have a purpose in our lives.  Something we can point to at any given time and say, "That's why I'm here.  That's why this life is meaningful."

My response was simple enough that a 5 year old could understand it but I think it might apply to anyone looking to answer this question.  "God made you so you could serve Him and serve others,"  I started out as saying.  I went on to explain that serving others means helping others, like how he helps his little sister.  I shared how I believe God made him for a life of helping others somehow, and that it was going to be a joy to get to see how God reveals that to him over time.  I talked about how we're built to love God and love others.

In less than a minute, I went from feeling beyond frustrated by some whining to being humbled by God's mercy to raise children and try to point them to Him.  God saw fit to put Stef and me in charge of the upbringing of two precious souls.  Very rarely do we feel we 'meet the mark' in terms of being the parents they deserve, but if God called us to it then He will help us as we try and point them to Him.  

When our 5 year old son was born in Spain, one of our church pastors said God was simply allowing us to borrow our son for such a short time in the grand scheme of eternity.  That's always stuck with me.  When the days are long I remember Pablo saying God simply lends His kids to us for us to watch over and care for them for such a short time and it often helps me get through another day.

And when my son floors me by some deep question, I praise God for the privilege of trying to raise two beautiful children in the way of Jesus.

Saint Steffani

I started calling her the Spanish version of this first, "Santa Steffani", not pronounced like Santa Claus in case you're wondering  :)  We were in Salamanca studying Spanish and our classmates were dumbfounded that Stef cooked every night for us as a couple.  We hosted large groups of fellow students from around the world, and they were all benefited by her hospitality.  It wasn't the first time I realized but it certainly reiterated what I already knew, Steffani is a saint.

Most good men would probably agree that their wives are saints too, when they're not having a marital spat of some sort.  Steffani, in particular, waited 8 long years for me to come around to the idea of a relationship with her.  Now she's an incredible wife to me and an even more incredible mother to our two beautiful children.

Men, if you aren't already, I'd recommend praying with your wife nightly if you have similar schedules or pray sometime when you're both around.  A preacher at our church mentioned the divorce rate among couples who pray together daily is less than 1 in 1,000 or something crazy like that.  Since then we've prayed most days, not every day of course but most, and it has really helped build intimacy in our marriage.  I'm always reminded what a gift Stef is when I hear her pray.  I've always been a pray-er myself but she has a deep relationship with Jesus that I'm humbled by when I hear her pray.

As Proverbs says, "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD."  How true that is.  Don't get me wrong, we have marital "discussions" just like everyone else, but I'm beyond grateful I get to spend the rest of my life with her!

A Serial Starter

I've seen a pattern develop in my own life over at least the past 20 years and probably longer.  I have this strong preference towards starting something and then getting distracted by something else and beginning down that road and completely forgetting to finish the first thing I started.

Serial starting probably began sooner in my life than this, but I distinctly remember laughing with my roommate Brandon after college about this particular character trait.  Part of it is my mental illness, when you're in hypo mania or mania you believe every idea you have is brilliant and completely original.  As Brandon has pointed out, there's just enough of a good idea in there that it easily leads to my obsessing about it for however long the episode of hypo mania may last.  

For instance, once I had a great idea to run the Sarasota County School District buses off of used veggie oil.  I had planned out the next 20 steps but never took the first step in my eagerness to have it all thought out before I started.  Before you mock the ridiculousness of the idea, please note Dallas Public School District did that exact idea and saved over $1 million a year a couple of years after I had given up on the idea.  It was when gas was $4/gallon in 2008, which would be equivalent to $5.25/gallon in today's dollars.

Another time I had an idea to start a garden with the youth group I helped sponsor.  A year or two later, the youth minister thought it would be a great idea to...start a garden with the youth group.

The inspirations of these great ideas usually happened when I would travel overseas in the summers.  I had time to think and not stress about the usual day to day of the school year when I was teaching.  Different places would inspire me to think quite differently than I was accustomed to back when I was stateside.  In Amsterdam in particular, an exhibit about the environment was particularly thought provoking.  As a result I was called by one loving friend a "tree-hugging hippie."  Which I laughed at because it was funny.  Perhaps funnier yet though was how he later had the summer camp which he runs use the theme "Dirt" based on Creation Care.  Maybe tree hugging wasn't all that bad after all  ;)

People have coined bipolar illness as the "CEO disease."  It gives a leader great visionary insight during the highs and then when the depression sets in it helps them get the ideas fleshed out in reality.  I have yet to figure out how to harness this mental illness to my advantage.  In December I got closer though as I wrote out some ideas of what I could implement during my next, hopefully long, period of stability.  The tricky part is deciding which ideas are sustainable even during episodes of depression and which ideas are only sustainable during mania, in which case you think you're going to be amazing for the rest of your life.

Please don't misunderstand, some of that serial starting is due to my particular personality as well.  I used to read 4-5 books at a time.  Well, more specifically I'd start reading one book, get about a quarter of the way in, then get distracted by the next book, until I finished about half of 4 or 5 books before the process started all over again.

It can be rather fun as I like to keep my mind engaged.  The more difficult and undoubtedly more important thing is figuring out which things to finish or at least focus on for a more extended period of time.  That process takes a lot more wisdom and effort than simply starting something new again.  His name eludes me at the moment, but I believe I read an author that wrote something along the lines of, "Perhaps the greatest tragedy isn't failing but rather succeeding at something that turned out to be unimportant all along."

So, here's to great ideas and starting something new.  And an even bigger cheers to choosing what to focus on and finish.

Family and Mountains

There's something about the mountains for me.  This long weekend we've been in the Smoky Mountains with Stef's side of the family.  Yesterday I went on a challenging hike with my brother in law.  

Hiking has always been one of my favorite activities.  It's challenging but has a purpose other than just getting in shape.  You're going somewhere beautiful usually and in the midst of nature on the way there.  We saw an incredible waterfall at the end of the hike yesterday that made the difficult hike worth it. 

I commented to my brother in law I hadn't been on a good hike since Spain.  We left Spain in January of 2019 so it'd been a while.  That's part of the reason I was in great shape towards the end of our time there, I'd go hiking a lot since we lived right near the mountains. 

Our driving instructor over there wore a sweatshirt that said something like, "I don't need therapy, just take me to the mountains."  There's some truth to that.  There's a place for therapy to be sure, but sometimes we just need to get out in nature and get some fresh air.  

I'm grateful for this time with family.  Somehow I need to make more time for nature too. 

The Joy of Reading

You could say reading runs in my blood.  My grandma on my mom's side still reads a lot at age 91.  My own mom has always been a voracious reader.  My dad reads a fair amount too and I've followed in their footsteps. 

I've read many people don't read after they finish school, whether that be high school or college.  Maybe they get burned out on reading in school, or maybe they never enjoyed it in the first place. 

I was one of the lucky kids who had both parents read to him from a young age.  I watch my parents read to my kids now and it brings me great joy to know that's how I was raised too.  Now I get to pass that joy onto my own kids.  I am very animated when I read bc I want them to fall in love with reading themselves one day.  I think it's working bc David already loves to tell stories that start with, "One day..."

Reading should be done with inflection and animation in your voice, and later in the voice in your head.  That's what makes it fun and engaging.  If you read monotone of course you're going to hate it. 

So, pick up a book and rediscover the love of reading.  I promise you won't regret it.  As long as it's a good book lol

It's All About the Heart

Back in March, a dear couple of friends gave me a book titled The 30 Day Heart Tune Up.  I finally finished reading the book last week and thought I'd share some thoughts on it below.

One of the key takeaways for me was that you can have arteries or arterial plaque growth within 10 years either way of your age.  So for me, this means I can have the heart capacity anywhere from a 29 year old to a 49 year old, which is crazy to think about.  This obviously depends on how well you take care of your heart.

There were a ton of recipes in the back which I quite frankly rarely pay attention to.  I'm more interested in the guidelines and then going from there, or rather requesting Steffani go from those guidelines since she's the cook in our home.  Some of the main rules were to stay away from processed foods in general and also away from dairy and red meats.  He also suggested fish were good for the heart.

This book was interesting to me because it didn't focus on weight much.  He mentioned of course that you would most likely lose weight if you ate that way, but he was much more focused on cardiovascular health and how diet and exercise effects it.  If I were to guess, I'd guess I was closer to the 49 year old in terms of arterial plaque growth than the 29 year old.

I've always thought of exercise as less important than diet, and it is in regards to weight loss.  But it is every bit as important as diet in regards to your cardiovascular health.  This last week I've done a lot better with exercising as a direct result of reading this book and hope to continue to do so.  

My dad has exercised basically every day since he was 35 and found out his father had been diagnosed with diabetes.  In fact, he's turning 65 this summer and truth be known he's fitter than I am right now as a 39 year old.  I need to be a chip off the old block in regards to exercise.  I have plenty of discipline spiritually speaking with spiritual habits but not so much with physical ones.  I haven't had a soda in 31 days so that's certainly a start with the diet side of things too.

So, here's to our hearts.  We only get one of them, so if you're like me, it's time to start taking better care of the only heart you'll ever have.  The good news is you can even reverse arterial plaque growth no matter your age so there's some light at the end of the tunnel.