To Love & To Serve

The classic line in wedding vows is to have and to hold.  As I was sitting in church this morning with my parents and listening to a sermon on marriage, for some reason this idea popped into my mind.  To have and to hold yes, of course, but also to love and to serve.  I looked up the classic vows and they have something similar to that; sounds like a good blog post  :)

I love Steffani from the core of my being.  We’re definitely in the ‘honeymoon phase’ as people call it, and it’s wonderful.  It makes up for a less than stellar actual honeymoon, ask my wife for details about which cruise ship not to take haha Or maybe not as it probably strikes a nerve still to this day.

Anyway, there are many times especially early on that I would pray to God to show me ways to serve Steffani better.  “Lord, show me how to serve Steffani better.”  I’m not sure what I expected to hear back from Him, but the answer I feel like I got certainly wasn’t the answer I expected.  One time in the evening after dinner when I prayed that prayer again I’ll never forget the answer I received.  Now, I’m not one to ever have heard the voice of God, but sometimes I do pick up on ways that He answers.  That particular time I opened my eyes and saw a sink full of dishes.

What?  You want me to serve her better by doing the dishes?  But I already do that!  Like I said, maybe I expected some heroic answer like jumping in front of a bus or something and saving her life.  The answer I got was way more mundane and simple than I had perhaps even hoped for.  “How can I serve my wife better?”  “Do the dishes and chores everyday.”  

We forget that love is sometimes born out of the everyday chores and ways we try and serve our spouses.  It’s not sexy or glamorous like in the movies and TV.  It’s simple acts of love for one another.  I was raised that if someone cooked you dinner the least you could do was wash the dishes.  Most of the time anymore people have dishwashers but we don’t so that’s something simple I can do since Steffani usually cooks.  I’m learning how to cook mind you but she’s still about 100% better at it than I am.

What about you?  In what ways can you serve your spouse better?  What mundane and daily tasks can you take on to show your spouse your love for them?  It won’t be glamorous, but it might just help your marriage along.

Small Is Beautiful - a Book Review

I had this idea the other day...I should really start writing book reviews so I remember what I read.  You see, I’ve been trying to get rid of all my books so once I read them I give them away.  This will be very helpful moving forward since we’re planning on moving to Cuba next year and I want as little as possible to move.

Also this was inspired by a dear friend in a couple of ways.  He said he likes hanging on to books because he highlights and can look back later at them for notes he made.  I used to do that as well and want to start doing something similar without keeping the books.  The second way was on his blog he writes book reviews.  I have yet to read them but I’m sure they’re awesome because Jeremy is an awesome guy!  Click here to see more…

My most recent book was entitled Small is Beautiful with a subtitle ‘Economics as if People Mattered.’  It was written by E. F. Schumacher in 1973 so it’s an older book than I normally read.  I really got a lot out of it although I must say it did stretch my mind quite a bit as some of the vocabulary and phrasing was a little over my head.  It’s good to read that kind of stuff every so often to stretch your own mental capacity if nothing else.

The basic premise of the book is that economic theory as it now stands doesn’t take into account the complexities of our world or of individuals’ lives.  He went so far as to call corporations and capitalism evil in some spots.  I disagreed with the premise of that.  Capitalism and big corporations left unchecked can certainly lead to evil but not in every case.

Those of you who have followed my blog for years may be surprised to read that as I’ve basically done a flip-flop on that subject.  I used to think of capitalism as a system based solely on greed but have come to appreciate it not as that unless it is used by the wrong people for that reason.  Greed exists in everyone to a certain extent and capitalism can certainly exacerbate the problem if you’re not careful; but much like money itself capitalism by itself isn’t evil or necessarily causes greed.

Capitalism can be great for helping people out of poverty, and that’s where Schumacher had some things that were great to think about.  He talked about the need for intermediate technology and how we need to focus in developing countries on production by the masses instead of mass production.  What he was referring to was simply that our goal should be to employ as many people as possible rather than focus exclusively on efficiency.

When we focus exclusively on efficiency it often leads to a loss of jobs, known as creative destruction.  This is often fine in a developed countries and an established economy because there are other jobs that come along or there are opportunities to unleash one’s creative potential and create their own job.  In a developing context though more times than not there aren’t jobs that are alternatives yet and therefore we need to have an intermediate type of technology that helps create more jobs rather than eliminate more jobs.

Happiness is a Choice, Make it!

This is another quote from He Walks Among Us by Richard and Renee Stearns.  Rich shared that this was something Renee used to say to their kids growing up.

I can see my mom saying this when we were kids, except that she has since said we were very happy boys growing up so she really had no reason to say it thankfully. It does sound like something a mom would say though, right?  The problem is that I grew up and have since gone through several episodes of depression.  I was diagnosed as bipolar at age 16 and that’s unfortunately one of the primary symptoms if you will of that mental illness.

When I read this quote in the book, it came off as rather simplistic.  To be sure, happiness is a choice in many circumstances but not if your brain chemistry is off.  Even during those times I try and be fairly cheerful and make others laugh but it is just painful on the inside.

The key is to choose happiness before the depression gets worse.  If you can catch depression early enough in the process it becomes much easier to manage even if it does worsen.  There are several books out there that have helped me through the years self-assess what I’m going through and to help prevent future episodes of depression.  The two main ones I recommend are The Feeling Good Handbook and The Depression Cure.  I can’t recommend those books enough.

What I learned from The Feeling Good Handbook primarily was that just because you feel or think something doesn’t mean it is actually real or even based in reality for that matter.  The classic example is when you call yourself a failure.  You’re not a failure; sure, you may have failed at your most recent endeavor, but that doesn’t make you a failure as a person.  If you failed at being a person by definition you would no longer be alive.

There are so many things we can complain about day to day, aren’t there?  What if we chose happiness instead?  It isn’t easy to be sure and sometimes it’s entirely out of the question like when in an episode of depression or in the event of a tragic loss of a loved one.  Many times though, it is a choice and nothing more.  We can focus on what we have or what we don’t have and that makes all the difference in the world.

This world needs more optimists.  We get older and see systemic problems and like we will never make a difference in the world.  Every so often you meet that extraordinary person who chooses to be happy even though they’ve been through more than anyone you know.  You get an energy when you’re around that person, they have a contagious optimism about them.

Be that person who chooses happiness in the daily grind.  Your coworkers and family members will thank you for it and you will be better off as well.

Is My Arm Too Short?

I’ve been reading in Jeremiah lately and finished Isaiah a week or so ago.  I haven’t done an exhaustive study on the subject by any means, but I wonder how many times God said something along the lines of, “Is my arm too short?”  This is usually His answer to when prophets or others have doubts about God’s abilities and/or plans.

And yet we doubt Him for some reason.  Fear fills our minds with what might happen and God just simply asks us to trust Him.  Just this morning on the drive to church I confessed to Steffani how I was having self-doubt about my own capabilities.  And yet there God is, saying the same thing He has said throughout history, “Is my arm too short?”  You see, the problem is when I try and mistakenly put my confidence in myself versus in God.  A book explained it as us needing to have God confidence instead of self confidence.

In church we sing songs about how with God all things are possible; but do we really believe that?  Are we living in such a way that we fear God instead of our current circumstances?  Do we live courageously?

Make no mistake, God is able and willing to do amazing things in each of our lives and the world at large.  From our limited perspective the mountains we face seem impossible to climb over.  I’m willing to bet though that you can look back on your own life and see how God has moved mountains in your life.  I know He has done so in my life without a doubt.

When we face uncertainty then, perhaps a new approach might be to remind ourselves of the God we serve.  Perhaps that’s why Scripture is littered with commandments to remember Christ or forget not His promises and His deliverance from slavery in Egypt among other things.  Is His arm too short?  The answer has always been and always will be a resounding NO!

"Life Must Be Rough"

My friends and I like to joke about how life must be rough for kids when they throw a fit.  What’s implied is that all their needs are met and they have nothing to really worry about.  I wonder if God has the same humor towards us, His kids?  Maybe the Father jokes with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, “Yep, life must be rough for our kids.  We provide all they need and instructed them not to worry but to seek first the kingdom.  Then they get the hare-brained idea that they’re Us and take upon the weight of the world on their own shoulders.  You’d think they’d know better by now after millennia of making the same mistakes.”

It’s difficult though, isn’t it?  In certain places in Scripture we’re instructed to provide for our own families.  In other places Jesus teaches us to seek first the kingdom and all these things will be provided as well.  So which is it?  

Seeking first the kingdom is so difficult sometimes and quite frankly sounds esoteric if we’re not careful.  If we are to live for Christ though, it is imperative that we have the right focus.  Our vision is myopic at best when we focus on our own needs and our families’ needs at the exclusion of others’ needs.  We get worried about stuff that is really irrelevant to living for God on a daily basis.  Every so often tragedy strikes and we’re reminded of what’s really important in life.

When life is good again and makes sense, we forget to praise the One who made it all possible.  In Deuteronomy 8 it tells us when things are good we may say to ourselves, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.”  But remember the LORD your God, for it is He who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which He swore to your ancestors, as it is today.

This was written to the Israelites thousands of years ago but the principle still certainly applies today.  When we succeed by the world’s standards and build wealth, we want to hog the glory.  Then the bottom drops out and we cry out to God, what happened??  But He is always there, Faithful and True, waiting for us to submit to Him again.

Jesus Minus Everything

Our first few nights in Tennessee this last fundraising trip we got the privilege to stay in a cabin on Roan mountain for free, thanks to Steffani’s parents’ very generous friends.  It was absolutely wonderful.  I decided to leave the phone back at her parents’ house so naturally didn’t get any pictures, d’oh!  It was worth it though just to be disconnected for three nights.

While we were there I read a wonderful book titled He Walks Among Us by the president of World Vision and his wife.  There were so many nuggets of wisdom in there I decided to write them down with the idea of writing blogs about them afterwards upon our return.  This will be the first of those blogs.

The first one I really liked was “Jesus minus everything is still everything.”  It was talking about a book by the title “Jesus plus nothing equals everything.”  Both of those statements are true; I guess I just resonate more with the wording of the first quote.

Again, it’s that basic idea of contentment that I’ve written about before.  If you lost everything today, would Jesus still be enough for you?  There’s a song that was popular about a decade ago by Casting Crowns I believe that had the lyrics, “You give and take away.”

We are often tempted to think God only gives us gifts.  Sometimes He takes those gifts away to test us.  Sometimes taking away things from us is the gift He has in mind for us.  This goes contrary to our American way of thinking, right?  It’s easy to praise God when He gives us gifts we want.  What about the times when He answers our prayers with a simple ‘no’ or ‘not yet’?  Do we still praise His Name?

It reminds me of the story of Job in the Old Testament.  One of the wealthiest men on the planet loses everything in the course of about a week or less.  Yet He still refuses to curse God’s Name.  Would we do the same?  Are we that sold out for Christ?  If we lost everything would we still praise God or at the very least not curse His Name?

I’ve never owned a lot of things, preferring experiences over material possessions.  What if I wasn’t able to have anymore overseas experiences?  Would I still praise Him?  Would I still love Him?  It’s hard to say.  Living overseas has been such an integral part of my life and I am aiming at living overseas full time as a missionary going forward.  It would certainly be difficult, but the most important thing is to live for Christ, no matter what else happens.  Jesus minus everything is still everything.

Throwing a Pity Party

About a month ago, I threw what amounted to a pity party.  You see, I was single for a long time which meant I had a fair amount of disposable income.  As a teacher, it wasn’t a ton of disposable income but regardless I had some.  I was lamenting the fact that since being married I had lost any semblance of disposable income.  After becoming a vocational missionary, my take home pay had decreased while I had added another person to my living arrangement...awesome.

Like I said, a bonafide pity party.  The fact is years ago I remember telling a friend that my dream was to be a missionary and live overseas full time.  During the conversation I remember telling him it was weird because I knew my dream would in many ways be more difficult than the life I was living at the time.  Living in a developing country isn’t easy by any measure, and it took years to wrestle with God over giving up some creature comforts I was accustomed to such as disposable income.

To be fair, I imagine most people give up having a disposable income either when they get married or when they have kids at the latest.  Things are just more expensive paying for 2 or 2+.  I can remember asking friends through the years if getting married and having kids was worth it.  Almost without fail the response was that it was difficult at times but more than worth it.

Now, I get it.  While marriage has been awesome so far, I’m sure we’ll go through difficulties just like everyone else.  But most importantly, it is worth it.  Marriage is better than disposable income by far.  Sometimes it’s easy to forget that while in the process of learning to die to oneself in order to take on a new and improved two become one identity.  Steffani is an inspiration to me almost daily, and you can’t put a dollar amount on that.

The More You Know...

As we get closer to moving overseas, I’ve started looking around and seeing what I have that I can get rid of.  There are still several books I want to give away but want to read a few of them first.  The less we have to move overseas the better in my humble opinion.

There’s an aboriginal saying I saw once that said, “The more you know the less you need.”  A friend pointed out that if you have kids being minimalistic isn’t really a possibility anymore.  She tries to live simplistically and I hope to do the same should we ever have children.  For now though, I’m trying to get rid of just about everything besides clothes, luggage and some electronics.  

The library is my new best friend; they even have a website where you can request any book or dvd they have on hand and they’ll hold it for you to come pick it up.  A couple years ago I got rid of 90% of my books and it was like losing best friends.  As stated before though, now I’m lighter and happier.  It took a while to get over not having a small library of my own.  Now with a kindle and a library though, a small personal library truly isn’t necessary.

The same applies to weight I suppose.  The lighter I am typically the happier I am.  If only losing weight was as easy as giving away books  :)  

Years ago I remember hearing someone talk about possessions in a way that made it so clear to me.  He said something along the lines of, “There’s nothing wrong with possessions.  You do need to ask yourself on occasion though if your possessions possess you rather than the other way around.”  Man, that stuck with me.  

When I taught kindergarten one of the main life lessons I wanted to teach 5 year olds was how to share things.  Unfortunately many of us need to relearn that lesson many times throughout the course of our lives.  Some people never learn how to share, and in my opinion they’re typically miserable human beings.

What about you?  What do you find difficult to share?  What is that one thing that if someone asked to borrow it you would either downright refuse or really struggle to let go of it knowing you might not get it back in original form?  

As I write this for me it would probably be my Galaxy tab and laptop and smartphone.  Those are the things that would be super difficult for me to share; so please don’t ask me to borrow them!  :)  Then I’ll have to actually work through my heart issues instead of just writing about them  :)

Sharing is Caring

In 2011 I spent a few months in Sydney.  One of my fondest memories was spending time at the local Salvation Army downtown.  They had a time they called, “Sharing is Caring.”  It was where they would share what was going on in their lives as homeless people.

It got me to thinking about the concept as it relates to sharing other things.  As I said in a previous post, my most difficult things to share are my electronics.  Here are some other ideas I had while thinking about this tonight...

Here are some ideas of stuff people might find difficult to share…

1. Electronics
1. If your friend was taking a plane ride cross country and wanted to borrow your tablet, would you let them?
2. Homes
1. Do you use your home to bless others?  Many of my friends do an awesome job at this for whatever that’s worth.  But I do know from talking with them oftentimes it takes a lot of work and sacrifice to share that with others.
3. Cars
1. If someone needed to borrow your car for the weekend, could you let go of it for 48 hours or would you freak out like I would?  :)
4. Time
1. Do you share your time with people outside your immediate family?  There are hurting people everywhere, and sometimes the best gift we can give others is simply our time and a listening ear.
5. Kids
1. This one sounds absurd, but hear me out.  When a couple friends had their first baby, I got to hold him in the hospital.  It was the first time I could remember where I held new life in my arms.  My friends teased me and called me a baby hog because a relative had held the baby for a while and then I took him back because I wanted to hold him longer.
2. It seems to me like people almost worship family time in their nuclear or extended families.  Their kind of like kid hogs, if you will.  Your kids have a unique opportunity to speak truth into the lives of other kids.  Are you willing to share your kids with other kids in the neighborhood, even when those other kids drive you nuts?

Well, that’s all I can think of for now.  Feel free to comment about any other thing you feel might be difficult for you or others to share.

Lighter and Happier

The other day Steffani and I dropped by a friends’ house to drop off a gift.  It was the best kind of gift, one that I hadn’t used in a while and that I knew him or at least his kids would love.  Best of all, when we got in our car I remarked to Steffani that my backpack was lighter and consequently I was happier.

In my short 33 years on this planet, I have realized I am a bit abnormal in many ways.  One of those ways is I don’t like to have a lot of stuff.  The less stuff I have typically the happier I am.  This thought first occurred to me on my round the world trip that I took back in 2010.

I traveled around the world, or technically 6 continents as my friend Brandon loves to point out, and only carried a large backpack and a smaller backpack.  It was then that I realized I could get used to this idea of carrying only a few things around.  Similarly, I lived in various apartments and houses in Sarasota for 10 years and had the packing thing down to a science.  It was usually 6-8 of those big plastic bins worth of stuff, a couple Honda Civic car fulls and I was good to go.

Don’t misunderstand me here, I have my weaknesses for stuff I like too.  If I had the money I’d have probably no less than 10 classy watches.  Thankfully, I don’t have the money for that sort of thing.  As mentioned in a previous blog, I do have a weakness for tech stuff too.

Overall though, I find my life is better when I have fewer things to worry about.  This will change in the future I’m sure if we ever buy a home.  For many Americans home ownership represents the American dream and therefore a sense of freedom.  For me it’s the exact opposite.  The less stuff I own the freer I am.

Just for kicks I looked up a mortgage calculator the other day just to get a rough idea of what a home might cost.  It is insane the cost of owning a home to me.  If you don’t put 20% down, you have PMI insurance.  You have house taxes, home owner’s insurance, the interest on your home loan, your mortgage payment every month including principal, if anything like an appliance breaks you have to replace that too.  It truly seems unending to me.  

It is certainly something Steffani and I will have to work out; I’m pretty positive she’s going to want a home way before I do.  Hopefully we’ll be able to buy one in Cuba by then for cheaper than we could find in the states.