Crying in Spanish

3 min read

Before I start, I’d like to clarify something.  I was crying in Spanish, not crying because of Spanish.  While I still get frustrated regularly at my inability to speak at the level I feel I should be at, I don’t cry because of Spanish.  

With that in mind, I’m not sure how to process what happened to me the other day.  I met a friend for drinks in town.  Earlier that day, I had yelled at his kid in our English camp and was torn up the rest of the day.  The only way I know how to correct something like that is to apologize and ask for forgiveness.

He was very gracious and understanding, he does have 3 kids after all.  It wasn’t just my sudden outburst at this particular child that was troubling me.  All last week I felt some sort of underlying tension within me.  It was most likely culture stress that sometimes sneaks up on you when you’re overseas.  Sometimes you just miss friends and family from across the ocean, ya know?

So, as I met with the boy’s father who also happens to be my tennis buddy, I got choked up.  Not an all out weeping as I mentioned in a blog earlier, but certainly choked up to where I felt embarrassed in front of a guy I barely knew.

He was very kind and said he could imagine because even he had a difficult time and missed his parents sometimes and they were only a short drive away.  He also reassured me that he and his family were there for us, in fact he said there’s a reason they’re here for us.

Needless to say, it was incredibly humbling.  We have our ministry partners and they’re wonderful to work with.  This man and his family are our first friends outside of them though.  

They have been wonderfully hospitable to us and invited us to their parents’ “finca” - basically a small farm.  We have shared a lot of laughs together already.  And now we have cried together.  Or rather, I cried in front of my only Spanish friend outside of church and felt like an idiot.  I tried to express myself in Spanish and got my point across and then got choked up.  Awesome.

It’s funny, sometimes old insecurities resurface when you’re least expecting them to.  Like the fact that I’m way more emotional than most other men I know.  I’ve been reassured by many that it’s a good thing because my vulnerability helps others open up and/or feel safe, but it has often been a source of insecurity.

My mom and grandma love deeply as well and tears are just a part of that for all three of us.  The difference is of course that I’m a man and I don’t know of any culture on the planet where that’s considered normal or manly.  Oh well, I’ve seen God use it for good in the past so I have faith He’ll do so again.

Perhaps I can see this as another milestone in language learning.  The first was arguing with my language teacher (something I love to do in English as well.)  The second was probably meeting with my business professor at city hall and learning about business taxes and the process of starting a business, all in Spanish.  And now the third, crying in a foreign language.  

I’m sure there’s other milestones as well, I just don’t remember them.  Steffani has told me I dream in Spanish so there’s that too.  Crying in a second language just seems weird to me, so I’m going to spin it into a milestone for now  :)

Marriage and ROI (return on investment)

1 min read

Quite some time ago, I was convinced and would tell everyone who would listen I was never going to get married.  I had run the cost benefit analysis and found marriage to come up short.  In other words, I didn’t see the return on investment (ROI) being worth it.

Thankfully, God knew better and answered Steffani’s prayers ahead of my own.  He knew that there are many things in life that have a completely different type of ROI.

Marriage and love are a perfect example.  How does one measure love?  It is something that simply cannot be measured.  Therefore, in a sense, the ROI is ‘off the charts.’

Sometimes my math brain gets in the way of experiencing things that truly are the best parts of life.  I married Steffani, but not until after 10 years of wrestling with God about not wanting to get married because I thought I knew best.  I had done the math, wasn’t He aware of that?  Marriage wasn’t worth it.

As has been the case with many things before and since, I was dead wrong about that.  Marriage is a wonderful gift from God, no matter what our culture says about it.  Some things are timeless, and marriage is one of those things.

At times it can be hard work to be sure, but in the end it’s worth it.  Someone I can share the rest of my life with?  A lifelong companion to share victories and defeats with?  Yes, please.

We do have our spats of course like any healthy marriage does.  What matters most though is our commitment to God and to each other and to see things through to the end.

The ROI of marriage is indeed, incalculable.  

Differing Ideas of Freedom

Generally, I try and write a blog about freedom around the 4th of July in honor of my nation’s independence day.  I usually happen to be outside of our nation’s borders during that holiday, and so I’m able to reflect perhaps a bit differently as a result.

Steffani and I moved to our pueblo back in late May and have been getting settled in.  We lived in Salamanca for just about 7 months and got around just fine without a car.  Here in this pueblo that is proving more difficult.  We have been catching rides with our teammates to the next town over to stock up on groceries once a week.  Steffani in particular really misses having a car as she does almost all of the shopping.

For me however, a car has come to represent anything but the freedom I once associated with it as a young man.  All I think about now are the costs associated with it.  Even without a car loan, you’re usually just flushing money down the drain by owning a car.  

By the time you pay for gas (which is a fortune here btw), insurance, taxes, maintenance, etc., it makes me wonder if a car is really worth it.  Steffani wouldn’t skip a beat in saying that it’s worth it, but I’m not so sure.

In the states cars are usually required, but are they worth it?  I mean, most families have 2 cars at least.  How much of a family’s salary goes towards just having 2 cars as opposed to 1?  

I read an interesting book titled Your Money or Your Life that had an interesting take on things.  It asked multiple questions, one of which was how many of your hours at work are spent paying for things directly related to your work?  

The idea is if you make $20/hour and your primary reason for owning car is to get you to work, how many hours are you working simply to maintain the car that takes you to work?  If you worked from home how much difference in cost would there be?  Would you still need as nice of a car?  Would you need to spend as much to fuel and maintain it if you only used it for errands?  Would you need a second car to begin with?  

Also, does your per hour wage go down if you include commute time?  If you drive 30 minutes to work each day you have to add 7 hours on to your workweek to get a more accurate per hour wage, correct?  If you work 40 hours at $20/hour ($800/week) but it takes an additional 7 hours to commute, your new hourly rate would be about $17/hour ($800/47 hours).  

Yes, there are of course reimbursements and all that to make up the difference.  But what about the 7 hours itself?  Wouldn’t you rather be doing something else with an additional 7 hours every week?

All that to say, it was a really good book that made me think a bit differently about purchases.  How many hours of work did I used to spend eating Jimmy John’s or Panera for all those years of bachelorhood?  :)