Education Models, Part 3

I didn't agree with the constant testing model so I got out of the education system.  I also felt called to the mission field but even if I wasn't I would've left regardless.  I was constantly stressed out and ironically read an article the other day that said one of the top 7 professions that can cause depression is teaching.  Probably not a good career choice for someone who has bipolar disorder.  I miss my colleagues and have the utmost respect for their determination to change the system from the inside out.  It is a daunting task and one I felt I couldn't contribute to.

I literally laughed when I thought about how some administrators in America would react to the Finnish model.  They would undoubtedly find holes in the theory and tell why it wouldn't work in the states.  They would talk about American exceptionalism and why we are better in every way.  I think if you ask teachers, parents and students though they would probably prefer the Finnish model.  The teachers are trained better, they're paid better, the model is more humane for students, etc.

Maybe the problem in education in America isn't that our teachers and students aren't working hard enough.  I know teachers who can outwork just about anyone and students who have an incredible work ethic.  Maybe the problem is with our current model that we're working from.  If the framework isn't right in the first place, how are you supposed to build a house that stands?  If our educational model isn't right, how are we supposed to nurture and train students to reach their full potential?

I will always be grateful for my time as an elementary educator in the states.  I learned an incredibly valuable skill that can be applied in many different contexts.  I had some of the best coworkers anyone could ask for.  I had the chance to teach some incredible students.

I am using the skill of teaching in my current job.  I teach young people aged 17-25 how to launch and run their own business.  In addition, I have launched my own tutoring business where I teach business professionals English here in Myanmar.

As a side note, about 6 weeks ago I did a test run with one of our people to help prepare for teaching the entrepreneurship course the following week.  He gave incredible insight and feedback during my presentation.  I commented to another coworker that I would be 10 times the teacher I was if I had received that type of feedback on a regular basis. 

I started getting feedback my last year when I was underperforming.  Prior to that my administrator visited my classroom once a year for an hour.  They were incredibly busy with other stuff and had a ton of staff to observe.  Budgets were frozen for 4 or 5 years and everyone had to do more with less.  And after being disillusioned after my first few years of teaching, I didn’t seek out feedback on a regular basis.  

Feedback is necessary for improvement in any profession though.  Even if you’re the CEO of a company, you need feedback from someone to help you see things you’re not catching.  It took me a long time to realize and appreciate the need for regular and ongoing feedback.

Students need feedback too.  Let’s just not make that feedback based on standardized tests that are predominantly multiple choice tests.  Let’s teach them how to apply what they’ve learned, and give feedback on their application.  And by application I don’t mean multiple choice tests but rather creating, analyzing, synthesizing, researching, collaborating and everything else they will need to be able to do in the 21^st century era of globalization.

Education Models, Part 2

I'm actually advocating for more difficult testing.  The problem would be that it takes longer to assess and analyze the types of testing I'm advocating for.  When I took a course in grad school (I definitely didn't finish it haha) they talked about how teachers in New York had done just that.  It was ultimately overturned though in favor of standardized tests so they could compare results across the state and across the nation.

How many times in your adult daily life are you asked to take a multiple choice test?  Does any profession require this outside of an initial assessment perhaps?  Most companies don't even do that, right?  Obviously, you're asked to perform certain duties and your performance is assessed by your superiors in some way.  I have yet to meet a professional who is assessed on a multiple choice test though.

As a professional, you're asked to execute, analyze and apply what you learned through previous research and/or experience.  You're required to add value to your company in some way.  We need to educate our students in a way where they can apply what they have learned to different scenarios.  Personally, I know teachers who are amazing at doing just that.  Their pay will not be determined by that this coming year; rather it will be based on how their students do on a standardized test.

From my limited experience as an elementary educator in the states, it seemed that many students had lost all interest in school by grade 5.  I would discuss with coworkers if it was just my students that seemed to lack motivation or what the problem was.  They would assure me many of their students had the same problems.  By the end of the year you hoped to have turned the tide for some of them but many of them had just given up already.

When I taught kindergarten the atmosphere had completely changed.  The kids were thrilled to be at school and learning new things each day.  What changed from age 5 to age 10?  Why were kids no longer interested in learning new things?  Undoubtedly, some teachers are way better at teaching 5th graders than I ever was and have a much higher percentage of their student population who are eager to be there.  However, I'm willing to bet even in the best teacher's 5th grade classroom there are some students who don't want to be there.  What happens to a child in school from age 5 to 10?

There are a myriad of reasons why 10 year olds don't have the same enthusiasm for learning as 5 year olds.  In middle and high school the problem becomes even worse as there is some ridiculous number of dropouts in our nation with the vast majority of them stating boredom was a key factor in their decision to leave high school.

In elementary school from 3rd to 5th grades, teachers and students alike dreaded the FCAT test.  That was Florida's version of the standardized test and determined how most of our school year was spent.  We spent significant chunks of time doing FCAT prep work.  There were workbooks devoted to preparing students to pass the FCAT tests in the spring.

Finally the test came and went.  Teachers and students alike were able to finally breathe better without the stress of a looming test that determined whether a third grader was going to be promoted or not, among other things.  That one test dictated our whole school calendar.  We would talk about how we could finally spend time teaching how we wanted to instead of constant test prep which we and our students despised.  An unfortunate side effect though was that many students and even parents for that matter thought the school year was essentially over after the FCAT test and as a result they didn't need to put in any more effort for the remainder of the year.

Educational Models, Part 1

I just read a fascinating article on how in Finland teachers have their students take 15 minute recesses every 45 minutes of learning.  You can find it here...http://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2014/06/how-finland-keeps-kids-focused/373544/

The author is an American educator who moved to Helsinki and tried to combine two 45 minute sessions followed by a 30 minute recess as opposed to what the other teachers were doing.  He found when he switched to the regular 45 minute session followed by a 15 minute recess his kids were able to focus better.  He did some research and found some evidence that supported this model.

I taught elementary school in the states for 7 years before I switched careers.  I can remember when I taught fifth grade begging every year for even a 15 minute recess once a day.  Our administrator assured me research showed more time in the classroom meant better performance, i.e. better test results.  I always went away defeated, thinking there had to be a better way than that.  I always felt kids should be allowed to be kids, and 15 minutes of recess on Friday wasn't sufficient for them, or me for that matter.

After a few years of teaching 5th grade, and a year in 3rd grade, I moved onto kindergarten.  We gave 5 year-olds 15 minutes of recess a day.  15 minutes a day.  I thoroughly enjoyed those 15 minutes, probably more than my students to be honest.  You got to be outside in the sunshine for part of the day.  It was great, it really was.  I just wanted more of it, obviously, and I'm sure the kids did too if I had asked them.

We have lost something of value in the American education system.  In an ever-constant push for better test results, we have neglected to treat children as human beings and not robots.  That's not to say as teachers we don't care deeply about our students, of course we do and often care more about them than just about anyone else outside of their parents.  It just makes me wonder what would happen if we weren't so driven by test results.

Not all testing is bad of course, you need to assess how students are understanding the material you're teaching them.  Most of the testing we did at the elementary level wasn't a proper assessment in my view though.  Multiple choice tests lack significant credibility in my estimation.  

Can you really determine a student's deep understanding of a subject matter by seeing if they can answer 50 multiple choice questions?  How does that prove a deep knowledge and understanding?  Wouldn't it be better to have them create something that showed they understood a subject matter?  Many teachers do this in the course of everyday learning.  

What determines the amount of scrutiny and accountability a teacher, school and school district gets though is the standardized tests.  Starting in the fall, in Florida at least, teacher pay will be largely determined by standardized test scores as well.  As I stated before, we shouldn't do away with testing at all.  

Homelessness and Housing, Part 2

Last winter in Sarasota, a woman approached me in Walmart.  She approached me because I was wearing one of those cheesy Christian sayings hoodies that I got from a random stranger, but that's another story entirely.  Anyway, she struck up a conversation with me and said she didn't understand how if Christians are going to worship side by side in heaven then why didn't we worship side by side on earth.  It reminded me of MLK Jr's saying that the most segregated hour in America is on Sunday morning.  

She had lost her job and lived in her car and said if she could just find some temporary housing it would help her get back on her feet.  My mind reeled with thoughts of if I should house her, whether my roommates would be okay with it, would she take advantage of it and stay longer than she thought she would, etc.  I ultimately decided against it, and have regretted that decision ever since.  I'm pretty sure I looked into the face of Christ that night and rejected Him.

Another time I saw a family begging by the side of the road as I was leaving Walmart so I turned around to talk to them.  They were Romanian and the dad had just lost his job.  I paid for 3 nights at their cheap hotel they were living in and paid maybe $50 for a Walmart gift card so they could buy some food.  I felt good about myself, but in the same breath realized it was just a bandaid at best.

Every time I tell friends stories of times where I've helped homeless people they always tell me to be careful.  Part of the problem with homelessness is a fear of the other, of that which is not normal in our everyday interactions.  Granted, I could get a knife drawn on me some day, but chances are if I just give them my wallet they'd let me go.

So, there are 5 houses for every homeless person, but I wonder how many bedrooms are unused in people's houses?  I know I had an extra bedroom in my house in Sarasota that I would use for couchsurfers or people on AirBnB.  Many of my friends don't have spare bedrooms because of children, but I'm sure there are many people whose children have long since moved out and as a result have empty bedrooms.

We get so insulated in our day to day living.  The beggar on the street becomes part of the background noise of our everyday lives.  We write off homelessness as something people deserve due to bad decisions and reason that some of them want to be homeless.  We drive past homeless people on the way home, get out of the car, close the garage door and forget about them.

Many homeless people, in particular veterans, struggle with mental illness; perhaps that's why I sympathize with them so easily.  Very early on I realized if I had not been raised in my family and given access to resources and modern medicine I'd be in a very scary place indeed.  Homelessness is an extremely difficult issue, if it was easy it would've already been solved by now.  What works in one city is not going to work in another.  

However, Utah has implemented an interesting program that seems to be working.  They give homeless people an apartment first and ask questions later.  They figured it was cheaper than ER visits and jail stays for the homeless.  I learned in Florida something very interesting about the homeless and jail.  Even in St. Pete, where it only gets to the freezing point a couple times a year, the crime rate goes up in cold snaps.  The homeless would rather get three meals and a bed in jail then be left out in the cold so they purposely try and get caught for crimes.  Can you really blame them?

Utah's homelessness program

The statistics are overwhelming, aren't they?  A lot of stats do that to us, they overwhelm us and then paralyze us.  We throw up our hands in defeat and say to ourselves, "There's nothing I can do about it.  It's too big of a problem."  At least that's how I feel in regard to a lot of situations.  

What I'm learning though and keep coming back to is an idea I've heard Mother Theresa quoted as saying.  Do small things with great love.  You may not be able to feed a hundred hungry people, then feed just one.  Similarly, you may not be able to house 100 people, then house just one.  Easier said than done, right?  Not something I've personally done in the past but I hope to in the future with Stef.

Homelessness is a systemic failure in my view, but it's also a failure on many other levels.  Country wide, state wide, city wide, neighborhood wide, and personally, it's a failure on every level.  It's not just in America either, it's in every country I think.  There are no easy solutions, but that mustn't keep us from trying.  Burnout is very common among missionaries and social justice workers and it's easy to see why.  What keeps you going?

Homelessness and Housing, Part 1

I came across an interesting meme the other day that said there were 24 empty houses for every homeless person.  When I saw it my jaw hit the floor.  Could that really be true I wondered?  Naturally, I posted it on my own timeline and asked if anyone knew if the stats were correct.  I got a few responses but no one really knew it seemed like so I did a basic search on the issue.  This by no means is indicative of an expert status on homelessness, I'm just a guy that did about an hour's worth of research so please bear that in mind.

What I found was rather interesting.  The stat that the picture used was based on census data that put the number of homeless people on any given night at around 650,000 or so.  Other numbers say there are up to 3,000,000 homeless people if you take into account different periods of time, not just on a single night.  

I also looked up how many empty houses there were.  I got anywhere from 16-18 million houses that are either foreclosed on and owned by the bank or something else, but it does not include vacation homes.  From my little amount of research it seems like it peaked a couple years ago at roughly 18.5 million and then has come down since then.

So, I did some basic math and found out if you took the low end on the empty housing estimates and the high end on the homeless numbers you still come out with 5 houses for every homeless person.  How is that humanly possible?  There are obviously a ton of variables and a plethora of reasons, but I'm more concerned with the implications of this.

I read one article where the author shared one of the reasons for all the extra homes is that a new suburb will crop up, people start buying the houses, and developers keep building to keep up with demand until supply outstrips demand and you end up with empty houses.  Another reason is obviously the foreclosure crisis we just went through.  I haven't researched but I know the number has to have been high for the number of people who lost their homes to a foreclosure.

This seems to me to be a failure on a systemic level.  Every society has dealt with homelessness, even Jesus Christ was homeless for a while on earth if you take one of His sayings literally.  The problem just seems more pronounced in America because of the scale.  We can't just blame the system for failing though, the blame lies with each of us.  Allow me to illustrate my point in part 2...

Treating God Like a Formula

A friend of mine recently posted a link to Donald Miller's blog.  The article was about how Miller grew up with a lot of religious formulas being taught on every Sunday morning and how he had ended up getting away from formulaic thinking.  I felt convicted instantly.

It is so easy to reduce God to a formula.  Prayer + Bible reading = God's favor, right?  If we look at it from an American perspective, it's not hard to see why we think this way.  We learn formulas in math growing up, we learn logic and reason and how to figure things out.  The American dream itself is a formula.  Hard work + pulling oneself up by their bootstraps = climbing the ladder to success and owning your own home one day.  We read books that treat relationships with others like formulas too.  If you do this or that for your spouse, they're sure to do this in return.  We're programmed to think in formulas from a very early age, and it stays with us and influences all areas of our lives, even our relationships with others and with God.

God cannot be contained by a formula though.  He cannot be put in a box.  He cannot be manipulated into doing what we want Him to do.  God is going to do whatever He wants, and bring glory to Himself in whatever means necessary.  Our human minds cannot grasp at times how He will use things for His glory, but He always does.  We cannot fathom how anything good will arise out of certain situations, until we look back 10 or 20 years down the road and realize it has been used for His glory.  As a personal story, when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I prayed every day for healing but never received it.  I later realized God used it and continues to use it for His glory by allowing me to speak truth into the lives of other people who deal with the illness.

Some Biblical passages even lend themselves to formulaic thinking, but we mustn't mistake isolated verses for overall reaching themes that run throughout Scripture.  Faith is so difficult at times.  We think one thing is sure to happen because we believed it was from God and then it doesn't happen.  Where does that leave us?

If we only put our faith in God for His blessings we are missing the point entirely.  How many times have I prayed for God to bless me with something or bless someone else with something?  There is nothing wrong with that in theory, but if we forget to pray for God to be glorified in our lives then aren't we just glorifying ourselves and putting ourselves on the throne instead of God?  I don't know, perhaps I just made a formula there.

God is so much bigger than we can even imagine.  This past week I've been in a bit of a funk.  I've decided to join NMSI full time and they sent over a budget to help me think about how much I will need to raise.  It is daunting and seems insurmountable.  In the Old Testament it talks about how sometimes the Israelites' hearts melted with fear.  That's what felt like happened to me in the beginning of the week when I saw the budget.  There is no reason for this; God has always met my needs and I'm sure He will continue to do so.

After the initial fear had passed, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt.  How had I lost my faith so quickly in God?  How could I think for even a moment that He is not big enough to take care of my needs?  God doesn't want us to stay in guilt, especially when there's a difference between guilt and conviction.  We are to be quick to repent and turn back to God with all our hearts when we sin.  So, that's what I intend to do now, let go of the guilt and turn back to God.  He is always waiting for us with open arms and we can take great comfort in that.

Living My Dreams, Part 2

Dreams are like that.  Even when you do exactly what you’ve always wanted to do, there are still difficulties and obstacles.  Often times we think if we were just doing this or that in our career; if we could just be with that beautiful woman or live in that exotic location; then everything would be perfect.

People who are older are probably chuckling by now.  No kidding they might be thinking.  There is a major difference in the generation of my parents and my generation in terms of career.  My parents’ generation and the one before them were mainly concerned with getting a job or career that provided stability for their family.  They didn’t really care if they were miserable at work, or at least didn’t care as long as it provided job security.

My generation longs for a career that makes them feel they are making a difference somehow.  We want a career that fits us and our need to contribute to the greater good.  We are not as concerned with job security, although admittedly maybe we should be more so.  There’s probably a balance somewhere between there.  My generation also jumps from job to job typically.

The way I see it, a career is going to be about a third of your life or more (8 hours a day is a third of a full day) or perhaps a little less if you don’t work weekends.  You better enjoy what you’re doing if it’s going to take up a third of your life and almost half your waking hours.  That’s my opinion at least.

What I naively thought before I chased after this dream of mine, was that it would essentially fix my bipolar disorder, I simply wouldn’t struggle with depression anymore.  How can one be depressed if you’re living your dream?  Unfortunately, bipolar disorder and depression don’t just magically go away when you pursue your dreams.

Anything worth doing is going to have its difficulties.  We see this in marriage, other relationships, sports, music and careers.  If you set your mind to do something and do it well, you are inevitably going to run into obstacles along the way.  Maybe I’m a naïve optimist, but I usually hope for things to be better.  It’s part of what keeps me going.

There’s a balance between hoping for the best and preparing for the worst or whatever may come your way I think.  I usually tend to err on the side of hoping for the best, almost to a fault.  I forget details like how every summer trip had its own difficulties.  This is because I tend to look at the past with rose-tinted glasses and forget about the hard times that I’ve had in each place. 

Anyway, I’m currently living my dream.  This is exactly where I want to be in my life.  I’m doing exactly the work I want to pursue in my future career.  Someday I want to open an entrepreneurship school, hopefully within the next 3 years.  

I love my work and find a ton of value in it.  There are still obstacles to it though.  Whether it’s self-doubt about my capacity and abilities or fighting off lingering depression, it still definitely has its own troubles.  As I mentioned before though, everything worth doing has its difficulties.  We just have to decide if it’s worth fighting for.

Living My Dreams, Part 1

For several years I felt it.  There was this longing to make some type of difference overseas.  It all started when I was probably the ripe young age of 23 I think.  I took my first mission trip with the youth group to Costa Rica for spring break, followed that summer by a trip to Kenya with some other young people.  In Costa Rica, I was more concerned with making sure the kids learned a lot and had a good time.  Kenya was different though; I fell in love with the idea of making a difference overseas.

The next few summers I would go different places, all with the goal of making a difference.  We all want to make a difference; I think that’s part of what makes us human.  After a few trips abroad, I fell in love with two things, missions and traveling.  I would usually do a 7 week mission trip and a 1 week vacation afterward.

On the second summer trip overseas, I learned about something called a gap year.  The basic idea is that when you graduate high school or college you take a year off and either travel for fun or travel and volunteer different places around the world.  When I learned of it, I instantly felt I had been duped.  Why had no one told me about this before??  It then occurred to me that it was mostly other Western countries that had young people who did that, usually not US citizens for some reason.

Shortly afterwards, or perhaps as soon as I learned about what a gap year was, I made it my goal to do one myself.  I made it a goal to travel around the world.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it or where I’d go, but I knew I was going to have to at least try.  At one point, I’m sure I was practically obsessed with the idea.

As with any idea though, there’s a difference between thinking about something and actually doing it.  On my last blog I talked about how I want to write a book, that’s a perfect example.  I think about it, but I don’t take the time needed to write my book.  Somehow when it comes to traveling though, I usually make it happen.

I learned about what a gap year was in 2007.  In 2010 I made it happen.  One of the best times of my life was my 8 month round the world trip.  It had been only a dream for years, and it finally happened.  I ended up going to 15 countries within those 8 months and had a wonderful time.  It didn’t come without its fair share of difficulties; I experienced some real times of loneliness on that trip.

Writing a book...or not

Toward the end of last year, I had this crazy idea I would write a book.  I planned it out to where if I wrote about a page a day I could finish this in the year 2014.  You know how much I've written in 2014?  0 pages so far.

I wrote a good 24-25 pages when I started back in November; I even have a great title for the book.  Somewhere along the way though, I've lost sight of my goal.  Every year I make goals, this year I will accomplish 4-5 goals out of 8; maybe 6 or 7 if I somehow get my stuff together.

Goals are a great thing.  There are many quotes about goals, one of which is very true in my case.  Goals without a plan are just wishes, or something like that.  I forget the exact saying now.  I even had a plan, so perhaps a better saying would be goals without executed plans are just wishes.

Part of the problem is I typically make goals when I'm in a manic state.  I'm hugely optimistic about my abilities, grandiosely so as a matter of fact.  There are so many things I want to do.

I also read this year on a Donald Miller blog that if you write your goals out for people to see them your mind basically tricks you into thinking you've already done the goal without actually doing anything.  More recently I read that even the act of writing them out to yourself makes you feel accomplished even when you've done absolutely nothing.  The human brain is amazing, isn't it?  Not to mention our ability to deceive ourselves.

Obviously, I still believe in writing out goals; I keep a little card with them written on it in my wallet to remind me of them often.  Now the problem lies more in executing those goals.  Or rather executing the plans that lead to accomplishing your goals.

The reason for all this talk about goals is that YouVersion (the Bible app I use) sent out an email recently suggesting people make half year goals.  I remember a campus minister who told me he couldn't fathom making goals for a whole year, he always divided them up into semesters.  That's probably part of success too, dividing goals into smaller bites you can really tackle.

So, just in case you're curious, here were/are my goals at the risk of losing the drive to accomplish them...

1.  Make my old salary that I was at from teaching (not even close on this one, but that's okay :) )

2.  Save enough money for wedding (hopefully yes!)

3.  Save enough money for cushion (hopefully!  gotta kill it this last half of the year though  :) )

4.  Write autobiography (this is the book I was talking about, which probably isn't going to happen, unless I become manic again or at least put some effort into it.)

5.  Lose 20 lbs (maybe, but does it count if I put on weight first?  If that's the case then I'll def make that goal, otherwise I still have a ways to go)

6.  Write 1 kids' book (I have a good start, but need to focus on it to make it happen)

7.  Start an English business (done!  And still doing!)

8.  Read entire Bible (Read through the NT already, well on my way to finishing up the OT, probably in a couple of months realistically)

It looks like I'll accomplish #2, 3, 7, 8 for sure; #5 is within my sights but will be particularly difficult when I'm back in the states with our portion sizes there and all the fantastic food that I have such a hard time saying no to.  #1 most likely isn't going to happen unless my tutoring business really takes off and I end up working 80 hour weeks or something crazy like that.  I'd like to do #4 and #6; I should probably focus on #6 if I'm going to give myself a realistic shot at accomplishing either one of those two goals.

So four of my goals are very doable, two are within range.  6 out of 8 isn't too bad, that's a 75% rate which is passing, right?  :)  Even if I only accomplish 4 or 5 I'll still be happy with that.  That's another thing about goal setting, you get better at it the more you do it.  It also helps to look on the bright side of things, i.e. what you've been successful at rather than what you haven't been.  Not that you should neglect those things at all, just that it doesn't do me a lot of good to focus on my failures, which I tend to do anyway.

Every Day is a Battle

A mentor of mine, both in education as well as faith, once shared this thought with me.  She told me after I tried to explain how much I was struggling that, "Every day is a battle."  It really meant a lot to me at the time she said it and continues to do so to this day.

If you've read this blog before, you know I struggle with depression on a fairly regular basis.  Lately, it has been rearing its ugly head once again.  I use my light box, I exercise, I sincerely try to think about other people's needs ahead of my own, but sometimes I still struggle in spite of all that.  It can be extremely frustrating at times.

Today, I lost the battle.  I didn't have a lot of work to do; or rather I was supposed to go on a site visit to one of our entrepreneurs with a coworker.  However, the coworker doesn't speak English, neither does the entrepreneur so I knew I was just going to be sitting there clueless.

That's just the problem though, isn't it?  We make excuses for not getting out of bed one day.  Every other day I'm able to get up and go to work, but then a day like today hits and I feel just paralyzed for some reason.  Depression is truly a debilitating disease.

It's a cycle too.  You feel bad so you sleep in.  Then you feel worse for sleeping in.  Then you beat yourself up which leads to being unproductive.  Then you beat yourself up for being unproductive.  Somehow, you've got to find a way to break the negative cycle and replace it with a virtous one.

What I find helps is if I'm able to make one decision, then I'm that much better off for the rest of the day.  If I can get out of bed and use my light box for instance, then that's a great way to start the day.  If I go to work on time, I feel much better about myself.  If I go to work I'm much more productive.  If I'm productive I feel good about myself, and so on and so forth.

What do you do though if you miss that first opportunity?  What if you don't get up and use your light box right away?  What if you stay in bed longer than you should and don't get to work on time as a result?  Well then it's very easy to get stuck for the rest of the day.

You have to eventually get out of bed, and then you have another choice to make.  Are you going to reengage in the battle for today?  I read an inspiring article the other day that talked about having non-zero days.  The idea that even if you don't do anything for most of the day, at least do something.

Take today for example.  I wasted half the day in bed.  I can still redeem the day though, or rather ask God to redeem it.  I have reading to do as part of my apprenticeship, and I've actually worked ahead this week so I only have one chapter to read today.  

Yesterday at work I had some off-time so I took advantage of it and wrote notes of encouragement to my supporters and asked for prayer requests.  That's a great use of down time and one I need to do more often.  I've already heard back from some supporters so that's something else I'm going to do today, pray.

Tomorrow I look forward to our book discussion.  What I'm loving about this apprenticeship is that we read in our field of development and economics.  Right now we're reading "Poor Economics" which is a wonderful and very challenging book.  

It's talking about a lot of the problems that face the poor and how some solutions work in certain contexts but not others.  Even the solutions that do work only have about a 50% success rate.  The book is exploring why this is.  Why is development so difficult?  It can just be maddening really.

In spite of these difficulties, I feel called to the area of development and economics.  I should've made the leap years ago.  It's a good sign of what you're passionate if you look at what you read in your free time.  For instance, when I was a teacher I rarely read books on education and instead read about development.  That should've been an obvious sign I was in the wrong field.

Anyway, I seem to be going on a tangent, as is often the case.  Let's get back to the idea that every day is a battle.  My mentor said this, and she is one of the most joyful people I've ever met.  If she struggles like this, what can I expect?  I can fully expect every day to be a battle.

The question isn't whether every day will be a battle (at times, I don't want you to think every day is a battle all the time, just in certain seasons of life); the question is am I going to engage in the battle?  Am I going to choose to pick up my sword and engage in the battle that is today?  Or am I going to give up as it is so tempting to just lie in bed and do nothing.