So, today I did something a little out of the ordinary. I saw a couple of homeless people, ya know, the kind that hold the signs in parking lots or on the streets. Rather than pass them by like I normally do, I asked them if they were hungry. They said yes so I drove them to Taco Bell and ate dinner with them. It was fascinating to talk with them...Deborah has been homeless for 7 years and Bill has been homeless for 3 years. The whole time I'm talking to them I can't help but wonder, "What can you do in a situation like this? What is the solution to this problem?" But instead of trying to save the day I simply listened to their stories. Sometimes you can give a person a little dignity just by listening to them.
I learned quite a bit from our conversation. First, that Salvation Army only lets you stay a few nights before they start charging $10 a night, plus $2 for a shower. I understand why but it kind of makes you wonder what happens to people after they've used up their time at the Salvation Army. I mean, where do they go? These two had found a place that at least had an overhang to it so when it rained they were at least out of the rain. I asked them if they needed anything from Wal-Mart or anything like that and they said all they really needed was running water. I didn't feel comfortable inviting them to take a shower at my place, like I said it was out of the ordinary to even get them dinner in the first place. Not quite to the point where I could invite homeless people into my house to take showers, although I hope to be there soon. If we don't invite the stranger and the homeless in, how will we ever get to know them and how will anything change?
Second, it must be extremely difficult to rise out of homelessness. Now, my conservative friends would tell you that you just have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps; but that's typically an argument from someone who comes from a place of privilege and if not privilege then at least one that offered them many opportunities. Bill told me he had applied at Applebee's and didn't know if they had called because he didn't have any minutes on his cell phone. Now that's something I just take for granted, having a cell phone with enough minutes on it to hear back from a possible employer. But what if you didn't have a cell phone to begin with? How could you hear back from a possible employer? How could you call in if you're sick or running late? So many of us rely on cell phones that I don't think we stop and think about it as something that is a gift that we take for granted. I know, not a gift in the sense that someone gave it to us but in the sense that we have enough money to have one.
Third, what happens in winter? Deborah and Bill told me that they had tried to get blankets from a place but one of them wanted to give them a quilt. Well, that's well intentioned and all but not very practical since they have to carry all their belongings around with them all the time. Their bags didn't exactly have room for a quilt, ya know? Their place where they stay has an overhang but I doubt it has much shelter against the cold. I still remember someone telling me at a conference that the crime rate went up every winter simply because homeless people wanted somewhere warm for a night or two and jail, although undoubtedly not the best place, is at least warm and gives you food. Then I thought of those sleeping bags that are very warm and can be rolled into a very tight and small sack. The problem with those is that they cost around $200 I think or something absurd like that. But how are the homeless supposed to stay warm?
Fourth, homelessness is very frustrating. There are no easy answers, that's why we have such a problem with it in our cities. How can we as a society tackle that problem? For those of you who are Christians, how can we as the church tackle that problem? I think it starts with building relationships. I'm not trying to be all lovey dovey hippieish, but I think relationships are key. Why would you want to help someone you don't even know, aside from the videos from Africa that grip your heart? But many of us have friends that we would do anything for, especially if they were in need. Would it change things if our friends were homeless? Would we see things differently? I think so. And I think it's not an accident that homeless people are kept hidden from our sight. But if we want change, then we need to start getting to know some homeless people and listening to their stories. Otherwise it continues to be yet another societal issue that remains faceless with a lot of figures and a lot of misconceptions surrounding it. I can't tell you how many friends I have who have this mentality that if you're poor then you're automatically lazy. The problem with this theory is that those same friends don't know any poor people. It's easy to pass judgement from a place of wealth and security.
Well, that's all for now. Hopefully I'll have more to write on this subject at a later date.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
B&B...Borders and Beach
Just some random thoughts to share.
Tonight, I went to Borders and then to the beach, a pretty typical Friday night for me. There's something about the ocean that helps calm my soul and helps me sort through stuff that's been going around in my mind for a while.
Still not sure what I want to do next year. I could either go around the world with my friend Matt, or I could do Mission Year for a year, which is where you live in the inner city for a year in Christian community. Both seem like great options, so it will take some time to decide between the two of them. I do know I want to take a break from the current job of teaching and just try something else for a while...call it a quarter-life crisis if you will. I've heard a lot of people go through this, good to know I'm not alone. Something in me longs for more adventure then just settling down and living the typical American dream, whatever that is. It just seems so boring to me at this point. I'm sure at some point I'll probably long for that type of security but right now I almost despise it. Maybe that's a young man's curse of some sort, or maybe everyone else has just settled for a boring life.
Speaking of life, I want mine to count for something. Lately, I've been thinking of that quote, I think by Rob Bell, about how if the city closed your church doors, would anyone protest who wasn't a part of your congregation? On a smaller scale, you can apply the same line of thought to yourself...if you left your current city, would anyone notice besides your friends? Not saying you have to be famous or anything, just that we should be serving in such a way that it makes a difference in the lives of those people who we're serving. We need to see them as valuable human beings, not a project. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks that way sometimes, but I find it difficult not to view people as projects sometimes. Furthermore, we need to see people as Jesus, for in fact we serve Him when we serve the least of these. Why is it then, that the Church is not known for serving? Where have we gone wrong? Do we simply serve ourselves time and again? We all have needs but isn't the point to love your neighbor, even if they're not in your church?
Self-discipline is proving difficult. That has never been easy for me, but it seems like I've been struggling especially lately with it. Sometimes I'm really consistent at working out, and other times I'm consistent at reading, but rarely am I consistent at both for some reason. I have a huge problem with time management and that's part of it but sometimes I think I'm just absent-minded and forget to work out before it's too late. There are so many things I want to do with my life, and to achieve those goals I'm going to need self-discipline. I want to become a better teacher, that takes self-discipline. I want to lose about 10 or 15 pounds, that takes self-discipline. I want to finish reading the Bible this year, that will take self-discipline. Maybe a good definition of self-discipline is doing what you need to do to reach your goals, even when doing that thing proves difficult or you're not motivated on that particular day. My parents are two of the most self-disciplined people I know, not sure where I fell off the boat.
I'm trying to declutter to the point of only having enough stuff to where it all fits into my honda civic. It will prove difficult I'm sure but I think I can pull it off, minus my bed and coffee table. Some stuff I can take home to Illinois sometime on a road trip, and other stuff I need to give to Goodwill or just throw away period. I hate having a lot of stuff. Compared to most people I know I hardly have anything but it's still way more then I want. It just gets in the way I think. If we have a ton of material possessions, are we as free as possible to serve others? It may not seem like a big deal to have a lot, but how much of our lives are devoted to working, working, working to pay for all our little luxuries? Do we need that high-def TV in our living room with the 500 channels that we pay a premium for? For me the hard part is getting rid of a bunch of my books. Thankfully I've already gotten rid of a ton of them by giving them to my friend Matt who took them down to Ft Myers to share with other missionaries. Hopefully they'll do more then collect dust like they did while I had them here. I just have such a hard time not buying new books. I love being challenged with new ideas and expanding my mind in the process. Usually though, I only get about halfway through a book before I lose interest and pick up the next book. I always intend to get back to the original book but rarely do that in practice.
Well, that's all for now...it's late and I need to go to bed.
Tonight, I went to Borders and then to the beach, a pretty typical Friday night for me. There's something about the ocean that helps calm my soul and helps me sort through stuff that's been going around in my mind for a while.
Still not sure what I want to do next year. I could either go around the world with my friend Matt, or I could do Mission Year for a year, which is where you live in the inner city for a year in Christian community. Both seem like great options, so it will take some time to decide between the two of them. I do know I want to take a break from the current job of teaching and just try something else for a while...call it a quarter-life crisis if you will. I've heard a lot of people go through this, good to know I'm not alone. Something in me longs for more adventure then just settling down and living the typical American dream, whatever that is. It just seems so boring to me at this point. I'm sure at some point I'll probably long for that type of security but right now I almost despise it. Maybe that's a young man's curse of some sort, or maybe everyone else has just settled for a boring life.
Speaking of life, I want mine to count for something. Lately, I've been thinking of that quote, I think by Rob Bell, about how if the city closed your church doors, would anyone protest who wasn't a part of your congregation? On a smaller scale, you can apply the same line of thought to yourself...if you left your current city, would anyone notice besides your friends? Not saying you have to be famous or anything, just that we should be serving in such a way that it makes a difference in the lives of those people who we're serving. We need to see them as valuable human beings, not a project. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks that way sometimes, but I find it difficult not to view people as projects sometimes. Furthermore, we need to see people as Jesus, for in fact we serve Him when we serve the least of these. Why is it then, that the Church is not known for serving? Where have we gone wrong? Do we simply serve ourselves time and again? We all have needs but isn't the point to love your neighbor, even if they're not in your church?
Self-discipline is proving difficult. That has never been easy for me, but it seems like I've been struggling especially lately with it. Sometimes I'm really consistent at working out, and other times I'm consistent at reading, but rarely am I consistent at both for some reason. I have a huge problem with time management and that's part of it but sometimes I think I'm just absent-minded and forget to work out before it's too late. There are so many things I want to do with my life, and to achieve those goals I'm going to need self-discipline. I want to become a better teacher, that takes self-discipline. I want to lose about 10 or 15 pounds, that takes self-discipline. I want to finish reading the Bible this year, that will take self-discipline. Maybe a good definition of self-discipline is doing what you need to do to reach your goals, even when doing that thing proves difficult or you're not motivated on that particular day. My parents are two of the most self-disciplined people I know, not sure where I fell off the boat.
I'm trying to declutter to the point of only having enough stuff to where it all fits into my honda civic. It will prove difficult I'm sure but I think I can pull it off, minus my bed and coffee table. Some stuff I can take home to Illinois sometime on a road trip, and other stuff I need to give to Goodwill or just throw away period. I hate having a lot of stuff. Compared to most people I know I hardly have anything but it's still way more then I want. It just gets in the way I think. If we have a ton of material possessions, are we as free as possible to serve others? It may not seem like a big deal to have a lot, but how much of our lives are devoted to working, working, working to pay for all our little luxuries? Do we need that high-def TV in our living room with the 500 channels that we pay a premium for? For me the hard part is getting rid of a bunch of my books. Thankfully I've already gotten rid of a ton of them by giving them to my friend Matt who took them down to Ft Myers to share with other missionaries. Hopefully they'll do more then collect dust like they did while I had them here. I just have such a hard time not buying new books. I love being challenged with new ideas and expanding my mind in the process. Usually though, I only get about halfway through a book before I lose interest and pick up the next book. I always intend to get back to the original book but rarely do that in practice.
Well, that's all for now...it's late and I need to go to bed.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
This has been the first week back to school for teachers. It's been a bit overwhelming but also I'm really excited to be teaching again...which is weird seeing as how last year was by far my worst year yet. But this is a new year and I'm excited to try and teach 3rd grade for the first time ever. It will undoubtedly require more nurturing out of me then I'm used to but I'm kind of looking forward to it.
I've been out of depression for a couple of months now and am still so thankful. It has truly been a blessing from God to be stable again and I hope I don't ever take stability for granted again. Last year I spent the whole year fighting depression and it was a really tough year, but this year I'm no longer depressed so I'm sure it'll go well for me. Depression is such a difficult thing to deal with, something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But I'm finally over it, and couldn't be happier to be back at work.
Tomorrow is meet the teacher day, and my class isn't even close to being ready for the parents. Big surprise there I know. But hopefully I'll get it ready by 1:00 tomorrow so I can at least try and impress them and assure them that their kids are getting a good teacher this year. Honestly, I can't wait to start teaching, which just feels kind of weird to say after last year.
After school tonight I went running for the first time with the Sarasota Surge running club. Had a really good time, ran extremely slow, as in an 11:30 pace for 2 miles but still enjoyed myself. We did some core work afterwards so I enjoyed that also. They seem like nice people and it'll be good to expand my social circle a little bit outside the church.
Speaking of church, I've been really discouraged lately about pretty much everything that has to do with the church. In Dominican Republic the Catholic church covered over a site that was evidence that there was slavery there bc they said that there had never been slavery there. How many atrocities has the Church committed in the past. I know I have a tendency to focus on the negative in many areas of life, but I'm really starting to question the Church and it's role in the world. You look at the Church throughout the ages and all that we've done wrong in the name of Christ and it just sickens me. It's no wonder people don't want to come to Jesus since we're the ones representing Him. I look at the church in America today and just have to shake my head. I mean, what real difference are we even making in the lives of anyone outside of our congregation? Most of us don't know anyone living in poverty, and yet Jesus was close to the poor. We see Jesus in the least of these but a large part of the problem is that we've isolated ourselves from the least of these. We have 50-60 billion dollars wrapped up in church buildings and land in the USA alone. How ridiculous is that? Half the world lives on less than $2 a day and we have $50,000,000,000 in church buildings. Are you kidding me? How effective can that be? Churches start out small and then they get bigger and hire more staff. Their missions budgets either stay the same or shrink when it should be the opposite. How can we avoid that as a church plant? Maybe organized religion is nothing more then an oppiate for the masses. I would like it to be a fire starter that ignites social change but so many times it's the opposite. How can we do a better job at being Christ to the world around us? Because right now it feels like the devil is winning. We argue about systematic theology when people are starving to death. Rarely do we hear about global problems in church services. And we need to move past charity and move towards justice. I certainly don't have the answers but maybe the point is to start asking different questions, ya know?
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Thoughts on the Bible and other thoughts on economics
A friend of mine lent me a book that's called "The Working Poor" that's really insightful into workers in America that live at or below the minimum wage. Really good book and I would highly recommend it if you want something that challenges both the right and left presuppositions about poverty.
Still keeping up with my Bible reading but am having a difficult time with God of the Old Testament. I know he's the same God as the God of the New Testament but He just seems so different in the Old Testament. It's almost like reading a book and waiting for the good part. This particular Bible is in chronological order so it's been interesting to see the progression of things but I'm definitely ready for the New Testament to come along. I've been reading this "Bible in a Year" now for a couple of years so I'm almost in September, which would be pretty good if I hadn't taken over a year and a half to get there, ha! I can't imagine being Jewish and not believing in the New Testament, I would have an extremely difficult time having much hope I think. I mean, there are parts that are hope-inspiring but it seems the vast majority is God sending outside armies to attack Israel to punish her for her unfaithfulness. Maybe it would be different if I were a parent and had a better idea about discipline but it just seems unnecessarily harsh. I don't mean to come across as sacreligious here at all, have just been struggling with all this violence. Definitely didn't hear about this God from growing up in the Church I'm afraid. I just checked and in this daily Bible you don't get to the New Testament until middle October. So why didn't I hear much about this God all growing up? It almost seems as we've emasculated God into Someone we can handle, ya know? Like I said before, I'm having a really difficult time reconciling this God I'm reading about now with Jesus the Son in the New Testament. Hopefully I'll gain some clarity once I finish the book.
I keep thinking about "Julio" and "Maryanna" and how I really need to become a better friend to him. One of the few ways out of poverty is to have a mentor to help you out and I think I could be that to Julio. I worry about him and Maryanna and the financial difficulties they face. Hopefully I'll be able to mentor him in that area as well as spiritually (the two go pretty hand in hand if you ask me.) I prayed all last year to become friends with at least one poor person and I think Julio is my answer to that prayer. Every time I read that book "The Working Poor" I think of Julio. There's got to be some way I can help him. But I also want to be careful and make sure I'm seeing him as a human being first and not just a project. While reading this book I've come up with only one solution to poverty and that's mentoring. We in the middle class learn a lot of common sense economics from our parents that people in poverty are never taught so how can they be expected to manage money and resources well? I've thought if there were some way we could hook up our more financially savvy people, like "Audi" for instance, with our people who are struggling financially we could really do some good. And of course not in the sense of just giving them money but tutoring/mentoring them on how to handle money and a family for that matter. I can't remember the name of that one guy, I think it might be "Jiovanni", who has come to our church a couple of times (was at Salvation Army and then got a job at Goodwill) but think if he were hooked up with a guy like Audi. Both would benefit tremendously I think. Audi would realize how much he has and just how difficult it is to climb out of poverty and Jiovanni would get invaluable lessons in budgeting and how to manage other resources like time. I'm not trying to put Audi on a pedestool here, quite the opposite. I respect him in his managing of money but think his heart needs to grow in compassion for those less fortunate, the same can be said of myself and most everyone else I know. But to me, that would be church at it's finest. People from different socioeconomic classes bridging that divide in order to become friends and ultimately build one another up in Christ by teaching each other about their different circumstances. Poverty is obviously hard but being well off definitely carries its own weights such as isolationism and a growing contempt towards those less fortunate.
Needless to say at this point but my interest in economics is growing. The girl I swim with is an economics major at Dartmouth so we've had some interesting conversations about economics as well as development. I lent her that Dead Aid book that I finished reading so I'm curious to see what she thinks of that. She said she really liked her economic development class so I am assuming she'll like this book.
Learning about justice and how to help people maintain their dignity is difficult but I think I might finally be coming up with some possible solutions in my head at least. One is to do mission trips alongside the natives, i.e. why can't Casas por Cristo be more like Habitat for Humanity? Habitat has the owners of the house work on the house themselves along with other volunteers so they have a vested interest and are more likely to maintain their own houses. Just something to think about. And I think we need a lot more Christian businessmen and women to answer the call to start up small businesses in third world countries to provide jobs to people. I like to think most people want to work and provide for their families, they just need the opportunity to do so. People need clean water but perhaps just as important if not more important they need jobs to restore their dignity.
Still keeping up with my Bible reading but am having a difficult time with God of the Old Testament. I know he's the same God as the God of the New Testament but He just seems so different in the Old Testament. It's almost like reading a book and waiting for the good part. This particular Bible is in chronological order so it's been interesting to see the progression of things but I'm definitely ready for the New Testament to come along. I've been reading this "Bible in a Year" now for a couple of years so I'm almost in September, which would be pretty good if I hadn't taken over a year and a half to get there, ha! I can't imagine being Jewish and not believing in the New Testament, I would have an extremely difficult time having much hope I think. I mean, there are parts that are hope-inspiring but it seems the vast majority is God sending outside armies to attack Israel to punish her for her unfaithfulness. Maybe it would be different if I were a parent and had a better idea about discipline but it just seems unnecessarily harsh. I don't mean to come across as sacreligious here at all, have just been struggling with all this violence. Definitely didn't hear about this God from growing up in the Church I'm afraid. I just checked and in this daily Bible you don't get to the New Testament until middle October. So why didn't I hear much about this God all growing up? It almost seems as we've emasculated God into Someone we can handle, ya know? Like I said before, I'm having a really difficult time reconciling this God I'm reading about now with Jesus the Son in the New Testament. Hopefully I'll gain some clarity once I finish the book.
I keep thinking about "Julio" and "Maryanna" and how I really need to become a better friend to him. One of the few ways out of poverty is to have a mentor to help you out and I think I could be that to Julio. I worry about him and Maryanna and the financial difficulties they face. Hopefully I'll be able to mentor him in that area as well as spiritually (the two go pretty hand in hand if you ask me.) I prayed all last year to become friends with at least one poor person and I think Julio is my answer to that prayer. Every time I read that book "The Working Poor" I think of Julio. There's got to be some way I can help him. But I also want to be careful and make sure I'm seeing him as a human being first and not just a project. While reading this book I've come up with only one solution to poverty and that's mentoring. We in the middle class learn a lot of common sense economics from our parents that people in poverty are never taught so how can they be expected to manage money and resources well? I've thought if there were some way we could hook up our more financially savvy people, like "Audi" for instance, with our people who are struggling financially we could really do some good. And of course not in the sense of just giving them money but tutoring/mentoring them on how to handle money and a family for that matter. I can't remember the name of that one guy, I think it might be "Jiovanni", who has come to our church a couple of times (was at Salvation Army and then got a job at Goodwill) but think if he were hooked up with a guy like Audi. Both would benefit tremendously I think. Audi would realize how much he has and just how difficult it is to climb out of poverty and Jiovanni would get invaluable lessons in budgeting and how to manage other resources like time. I'm not trying to put Audi on a pedestool here, quite the opposite. I respect him in his managing of money but think his heart needs to grow in compassion for those less fortunate, the same can be said of myself and most everyone else I know. But to me, that would be church at it's finest. People from different socioeconomic classes bridging that divide in order to become friends and ultimately build one another up in Christ by teaching each other about their different circumstances. Poverty is obviously hard but being well off definitely carries its own weights such as isolationism and a growing contempt towards those less fortunate.
Needless to say at this point but my interest in economics is growing. The girl I swim with is an economics major at Dartmouth so we've had some interesting conversations about economics as well as development. I lent her that Dead Aid book that I finished reading so I'm curious to see what she thinks of that. She said she really liked her economic development class so I am assuming she'll like this book.
Learning about justice and how to help people maintain their dignity is difficult but I think I might finally be coming up with some possible solutions in my head at least. One is to do mission trips alongside the natives, i.e. why can't Casas por Cristo be more like Habitat for Humanity? Habitat has the owners of the house work on the house themselves along with other volunteers so they have a vested interest and are more likely to maintain their own houses. Just something to think about. And I think we need a lot more Christian businessmen and women to answer the call to start up small businesses in third world countries to provide jobs to people. I like to think most people want to work and provide for their families, they just need the opportunity to do so. People need clean water but perhaps just as important if not more important they need jobs to restore their dignity.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
1st week in Ecuador
Well, I'm in Ecuador and have been for almost an entire week. So far it's going really well, my Spanish is improving and I'm making some really good friends. I lost my luggage the first couple of days and had to wear the same outfit but it's all part of the adventure I suppose :)
Next week I start working for the foundation/school for street children. I met the people I'll be working with yesterday and am really looking forward to it now. I would've worked this past week but the lady at the foundation said that new people were required to be in the country for at least 5 days. How being in the country for 5 days makes you safe from swine flu I'm not really sure, but I made it through the week unscathed all the same.
The family that I'm staying with is great. They have a son named Hugo who I played soccer with last night and a daughter named Vivianna who I haven't seen but twice since I've been here. The parents are really nice people as well even though we have a language barrier. I've been spoiled with all the good food that the mother has been cooking this week. Every day is something different for lunch and I've liked all of them so far. Her daughter translated today that I will make a good husband because I'm not a picky eater.
Now I have a whole new appreciation for my students back home who are ESOL students. Learning a new language is incredibly difficult as I'm figuring out lately. I have had two Spanish classes so far and still feel completely lost with the language, even after being immersed in it. It is getting better though and I need to remember that. My vocabulary is improving all the time...now if I could just get the different tenses correct that would really be something!
Today, Saturday, was especially a good day. I slept in till noon which is good to do after playing soccer the previous night for an hour and a half. Then I woke up, did my homework for my Spanish class, read from some different books, and watched a local soccer game with Hugo and some of his friends. It was a great Sabbath rest I must say.
Well, I think this might be one of my shortest posts ever but that's really all I have to say.
Until next time...
Next week I start working for the foundation/school for street children. I met the people I'll be working with yesterday and am really looking forward to it now. I would've worked this past week but the lady at the foundation said that new people were required to be in the country for at least 5 days. How being in the country for 5 days makes you safe from swine flu I'm not really sure, but I made it through the week unscathed all the same.
The family that I'm staying with is great. They have a son named Hugo who I played soccer with last night and a daughter named Vivianna who I haven't seen but twice since I've been here. The parents are really nice people as well even though we have a language barrier. I've been spoiled with all the good food that the mother has been cooking this week. Every day is something different for lunch and I've liked all of them so far. Her daughter translated today that I will make a good husband because I'm not a picky eater.
Now I have a whole new appreciation for my students back home who are ESOL students. Learning a new language is incredibly difficult as I'm figuring out lately. I have had two Spanish classes so far and still feel completely lost with the language, even after being immersed in it. It is getting better though and I need to remember that. My vocabulary is improving all the time...now if I could just get the different tenses correct that would really be something!
Today, Saturday, was especially a good day. I slept in till noon which is good to do after playing soccer the previous night for an hour and a half. Then I woke up, did my homework for my Spanish class, read from some different books, and watched a local soccer game with Hugo and some of his friends. It was a great Sabbath rest I must say.
Well, I think this might be one of my shortest posts ever but that's really all I have to say.
Until next time...
Friday, May 29, 2009
School Year in Review
This week was the last week we had students, hallelujah! As many of you know, I've had quite the year with my students and couldn't wait for it to end. It was a very difficult and challenging year to say the least and one in which I thought it would never end. There were some good things that did come out of this year though and I'll try and share those thoughts here.
First, I came to realize in a new light my deep reliance on my Savior, Jesus Christ. Every day my prayer was the same in the car ride to school, "God, give me the strength to get through today." I mean, they were just simply cries of desperation to get through the day because that's all I could muster. I became acutely aware that I could not manage life without Him. This has been the case my whole life and is the case even for agnostics and atheists but until we come to the place where we acknowledge our dependence on Him we are lying and living in a false reality. This false reality may be filled with pleasure and all that life has to offer but ultimately it leads to dissatisfaction and emptiness.
Second, I hate depression. I've been battling it all this year and absolutely hate it. The only good that comes out of it is that, as stated before, it makes me realize how dependent on God I am. There have been many times this year when I've taken naps after school in addition to getting 8 or 9 hours of sleep a night. This is abnormal for a 27 year-old but probably quite normal for those fighting depression. It drains you of all your energy and is very unforgiving in that aspect. Depression has effected my attitude in a huge way to where I have felt like a failure most of this year (and getting our FCAT results yesterday certainly didn't help any.) Feeling like a failure is tough and gets you into a rut that seems impossible to climb out of. Even in the midst of all my friends pointing out very positive things about me I still cling to these false notions of being a failure in about every area of my life. Perhaps the worst part about depression is the complete lack of energy that accompanies it. I'm simply unable to do as much in any given day when I'm depressed. I hate the way I interact with others when I'm depressed as I always feel like I'm bringing them down. No one likes a Debby Downer and that is what I've been many times to my friends this year. There have been a few times where I felt like I was finally finished with depression but it was usually during mini-vacations when I was on a natural high from traveling.
This year has been good in the sense that I've taken some sort of a vacation every single month except March. I have met some amazing people in my travels and feel I am a better person for having seen the sights I've seen and experiencing some really cool things. I hiked a volcano and roasted marshmallows by means of lava in Guatemala; skydove, snowboarded, and surfed in San Diego; saw a fantastic Broadway show in New York City; checked out Washington D.C. for the first time since I was a little kid; heard Tony Campolo speak for 8 hours on a visit to Philadelphia; and saw some beloved family and friends in Illinois. I am very grateful for having experienced all of these things this year and count it a major blessing to not currently have any debt to my name. Having no debt is truly a blessing from God alone and I am continually grateful to Him for that gift. All these vacations have kept me sane this year, without them I might just have fallen over the edge :)
It's also been a good year to be a part of a church plant that my friend Ryan has started. We're called Cooper Creek Christian Church and meet at a movie theatre on Sunday mornings, how cool is that?! It's been cool to see people meet each other and serve together and just have a good time together. I've been in charge of the high school students and have enjoyed getting to know them a little deeper as we have tried some different things like Bible studies but also simply preparing a meal together and eating it as a means of community building. I'd like to do more for this church this coming year and Ryan wants me to spend a year coming on board but I think I will be content with volunteering for the church in my free time.
I have developed a whole new level of perseverence this year. I never thought I would've made it through this year but with God's help I did it! There were many times this year where I felt like quitting my job but I thankfully didn't. Sometimes you just have to stick it out in the difficult times and grin and bear it. My friends and parents have been a tremendous help in this area as they have listened to me gripe about my job countless times but have always reminded me to be grateful for a job in this economy. This has been a difficult year but I am stronger for making it through this year at long last.
I've also read a lot more than usual this year I feel like. I've read more magazines and books and it has been good to set aside the time and really devour a good book time and again. This is probably a direct result of not having access to TV since December at my place.
This has also been a better year for running and working out. Admittedly, I'm not nearly as consistent as I'd like to be but I have gotten better, probably from living very close to my friends who run on a consistent basis. I've also swam a lot more this year because my good friend Kyle works as a lifeguard and lets me swim for free which is awesome!
Well, I leave very shortly for the summer and will probably update this blog more during that time like I did last summer. Maybe I should make it a goal to have a blog once a week. Of course, the problem with that is that once I start typing/writing I don't typically stop for quite some time, as you've probably guessed by now :)
First, I came to realize in a new light my deep reliance on my Savior, Jesus Christ. Every day my prayer was the same in the car ride to school, "God, give me the strength to get through today." I mean, they were just simply cries of desperation to get through the day because that's all I could muster. I became acutely aware that I could not manage life without Him. This has been the case my whole life and is the case even for agnostics and atheists but until we come to the place where we acknowledge our dependence on Him we are lying and living in a false reality. This false reality may be filled with pleasure and all that life has to offer but ultimately it leads to dissatisfaction and emptiness.
Second, I hate depression. I've been battling it all this year and absolutely hate it. The only good that comes out of it is that, as stated before, it makes me realize how dependent on God I am. There have been many times this year when I've taken naps after school in addition to getting 8 or 9 hours of sleep a night. This is abnormal for a 27 year-old but probably quite normal for those fighting depression. It drains you of all your energy and is very unforgiving in that aspect. Depression has effected my attitude in a huge way to where I have felt like a failure most of this year (and getting our FCAT results yesterday certainly didn't help any.) Feeling like a failure is tough and gets you into a rut that seems impossible to climb out of. Even in the midst of all my friends pointing out very positive things about me I still cling to these false notions of being a failure in about every area of my life. Perhaps the worst part about depression is the complete lack of energy that accompanies it. I'm simply unable to do as much in any given day when I'm depressed. I hate the way I interact with others when I'm depressed as I always feel like I'm bringing them down. No one likes a Debby Downer and that is what I've been many times to my friends this year. There have been a few times where I felt like I was finally finished with depression but it was usually during mini-vacations when I was on a natural high from traveling.
This year has been good in the sense that I've taken some sort of a vacation every single month except March. I have met some amazing people in my travels and feel I am a better person for having seen the sights I've seen and experiencing some really cool things. I hiked a volcano and roasted marshmallows by means of lava in Guatemala; skydove, snowboarded, and surfed in San Diego; saw a fantastic Broadway show in New York City; checked out Washington D.C. for the first time since I was a little kid; heard Tony Campolo speak for 8 hours on a visit to Philadelphia; and saw some beloved family and friends in Illinois. I am very grateful for having experienced all of these things this year and count it a major blessing to not currently have any debt to my name. Having no debt is truly a blessing from God alone and I am continually grateful to Him for that gift. All these vacations have kept me sane this year, without them I might just have fallen over the edge :)
It's also been a good year to be a part of a church plant that my friend Ryan has started. We're called Cooper Creek Christian Church and meet at a movie theatre on Sunday mornings, how cool is that?! It's been cool to see people meet each other and serve together and just have a good time together. I've been in charge of the high school students and have enjoyed getting to know them a little deeper as we have tried some different things like Bible studies but also simply preparing a meal together and eating it as a means of community building. I'd like to do more for this church this coming year and Ryan wants me to spend a year coming on board but I think I will be content with volunteering for the church in my free time.
I have developed a whole new level of perseverence this year. I never thought I would've made it through this year but with God's help I did it! There were many times this year where I felt like quitting my job but I thankfully didn't. Sometimes you just have to stick it out in the difficult times and grin and bear it. My friends and parents have been a tremendous help in this area as they have listened to me gripe about my job countless times but have always reminded me to be grateful for a job in this economy. This has been a difficult year but I am stronger for making it through this year at long last.
I've also read a lot more than usual this year I feel like. I've read more magazines and books and it has been good to set aside the time and really devour a good book time and again. This is probably a direct result of not having access to TV since December at my place.
This has also been a better year for running and working out. Admittedly, I'm not nearly as consistent as I'd like to be but I have gotten better, probably from living very close to my friends who run on a consistent basis. I've also swam a lot more this year because my good friend Kyle works as a lifeguard and lets me swim for free which is awesome!
Well, I leave very shortly for the summer and will probably update this blog more during that time like I did last summer. Maybe I should make it a goal to have a blog once a week. Of course, the problem with that is that once I start typing/writing I don't typically stop for quite some time, as you've probably guessed by now :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)