#BlackLivesMatter and My Silence

It has happened again.  More unarmed black people have been murdered and it's been in the news again.  Last time it happened I thought I should just stay silent on the issue since I'm a missionary and am not supposed to post anything political according to some fundraising books.  However, unjust murders aren't really a political thing so much as a biblical thing as someone reminded me lately.  Honestly though, many 'political issues' are 'biblical issues' we just don't choose to see them that way.  But that's for another post some other day.

I have seen people lament that 'they (meaning black people) should protest peacefully.'  Yet when NFL players protested peacefully by kneeling for the national anthem that wasn't the 'right' way to protest peacefully.  Huh?  Yeah, I'm confused too.  We (white people) say if there are protests than they need to be peaceful but yet when people do protest peacefully we're not satisfied with that either.  

I had a conversation with someone a few years ago about the kneeling in particular and pointed out that it was in reaction to a black man being murdered by a cop.  They acknowledged that case had been wrong clearly for about a minute and then spent the next 10 minutes describing why kneeling for the national anthem was so terrible.  Apparently ideologies are more important than people's lives nowadays.

I feel paralyzed at what I could possibly do to help the situation.  I can share social media posts and blog about it, but beyond that I'm not sure.  I suggested to my wife that we start attending a black church even though we really like our current church.  If we're serious about race reconciliation as a nation then it has to start in our own hearts and lives.

We've made friends with immigrants here who have since moved and loved them to pieces.  My wife and I both have a heart for the immigrants among us but perhaps we need to spend more time initiating relationships with people of any color that are born here too.

I went jogging again last night without the slightest hint of any fear of being gunned down.  That is something I will literally never have to worry about.  Why can't the same be said of everyone?  Why should people of another race have to think twice before lacing up to go out for a jog?

Years ago I read a quote that really resonated with me.  "The purpose of freedom is to create it for others."  Don't ask me who said it because I don't remember and it seems like a quote that is probably attributed to several people.  You know the problem with that quote though?  I've done nothing to create freedom for others.  And so, my silence as a white man of privilege is complicity with a system that is unjust to so many people of color.

It's sad to think I've been worried about my own support levels going down as I've written this.  Lord, forgive me for putting others' opinions ahead of doing what's right.  

So, what's the next step here?  Any suggestions?  I'm going to start by praying for new friends who are people of color.  People who I can come alongside and learn from their perspective and help in whatever little way I might be able to.  Mostly though I just want to listen and empower.  That's what I feel is my role as a missionary in the Dominican Republic is to listen and empower by helping provide jobs down there and my role just as a Christian period.  Listen and empower others to do whatever they want to do that honors God.

Hacking Your Tastes

Sometimes I go about habit change the entirely wrong way, as do many well-intentioned people who wish to change whichever behavior that seems to keep tripping them up.  Any time you say, "Don't do this or stay away from that" you're setting yourself up for failure.  Your inner rebel will go nuts as you take away your autonomy or someone else takes away your autonomy.  Human beings need autonomy.

Recently I've started playing around with a few new ideas.  What if I increase my tastes for good food and water instead of just trying to say no to all the food that has obviously negative consequences if consumed on a regular basis.  I'm not there yet to be sure, but I did find today that I liked my soda water better than the mountain dew I drank.  And that's only after 1 week of trying to drink 100 ounces of water a day.  So, I think if I continue to be consistent that should help change that taste preference.  I made it 6 out of 7 days this past week as far as drinking 100 ounces of water, hopefully will make it all 7 days this next week.

I've also committed to brushing my teeth at 8pm.  The only thing I want to drink or eat after brushing my teeth is water.  For me, eating badly usually happens after dinner and after David goes down for the night.  I eat badly at other times too of course but that's usually consistently when it's the worse.  Again, made it 6 out of 7 days so that's a great start for this habit to really take shape.

After a couple more weeks, I want to start purposefully eating more fruits and vegetables.  Thankfully I have an awesome wife who cooks healthy dinners all the time but I would say I need to be more purposeful about eating enough fiber from fruit and veg that I don't have room or the taste for processed food throughout the rest of the day.  I'm going to aim for 5 a day eventually.  I usually get 2 in at breakfast already with a smoothie so that seems attainable at least.

Hacking my tastes isn't going to be easy and will be done in baby steps.  But I have to have hope that I can keep it up.  Otherwise, I may as well just throw in the towel which I'm not willing to do at this point.

Livin' Your Best Life

As I mindlessly scroll through Facebook or Instagram sometimes I often come across pictures with captions, "Livin' their best life."  They're usually hilarious and about people's kids, a thankful reprieve from politics.  Usually if someone posts something politically minded I unfollow them anyway, even though I used to post a ton about politics as a younger man.  There have been a few slips in the past few years but generally I stay away from entering discussions where I believe most people already have their minds made up anyway.

Scrolling mindlessly obviously isn't the best use of my time, I've read studies saying it increases your discontentment more often than not.  Be that as it may, sometimes especially on the weekend evenings I get bored.  I have been exercising more as of late but I'm not exactly training for an Ironman so it doesn't take up hours of my time.  During this weird time of quarantine too it's tough to find enough to keep me occupied sometimes.  I even took up sewing yesterday, what??!!

A small group I'm a part of is going through a study of Philippians and I'm reminded once more of the upside-down nature of God's kingdom.  Our culture screams that it's all about ourselves and our wants, needs and desires.  If we just buy this product or take that vacation, then we will finally be satisfied.  

Everything comes up short though, doesn't it?  The vacation that took our breath away is remembered through rose-colored glasses as we trudge through our mundane day to day existence.  Even people who travel more as a lifestyle grow bored with it after a while.  Trinkets satisfy for a short time as well, even the amazing home reno shows or people who buy their dream homes soon find flaws that make it less than perfect and are magnified as time goes by.

We keep trying to fill our soul's desires with things or experiences that satisfy for shorter and shorter periods of time as we get older.  God, on the other hand, invites us deeper by a way of which at first seems rather counterintuitive.  Philippians 2:3,4 admonishes us to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others above ourselves; not looking to our own interests but to the interests of others.

Elsewhere in Scripture Jesus teaches us it's better to give than receive.  We are taught to Love God above all else and love our neighbor as ourselves.  So, one place we're told to love our neighbor as ourselves and another to put their interests above our own.

All of these point to a central idea that we're not the point.  In a culture that assures us we are the point with self-actualization being something to attain at all costs, it's a rather freeing idea, isn't it?  We can be free of worrying about what others think of us because we're focused on serving God and His people.

Our best lives are not achieved when we climb the corporate ladder, take the fanciest vacation with mouse ears or to the most exotic location, or when we finally buy our dream home.  Our best lives are only lived with Christ at the center and a humility that puts others' needs ahead of our own.  

We all know one or a few if we're lucky that live this way.  Fulfilled lives and deeply satisfied who have a way of making whoever they're talking to seem like the center of their attention.  They're fully present wherever they are, paying someone actual full attention that even the best teachers can't seem to garner from their students.

Their lives are poured out for God and others, and they're almost intoxicating to be around.  They have a zest for life most of us only dream about.  We search for answers to life's deepest questions while they seem to have found something the rest of us are blind to.  They actually follow the teachings of Jesus and as a result live their best lives daily.  It's of course not easier than the average life, but it is better lived.

May we all aspire to lead such lives, ones that have Christ at the center and put others' needs ahead of our own.  Then, and only then, will we truly be living our best lives.

Weight Loss: A New Strategy

Over the past several years, I've tried various approaches to losing weight.  One worked really well but was difficult to keep up once we came back to the states.  That was what I termed 'part-time vegan or part-time vegetarian' after a while.  I lost 25 pounds I think and really liked how I looked.  I had a 5 pack even for a while (even in my best shape I've never had a 6 pack for some reason, one ab refuses to split lol).  It wasn't a strong 5 pack since I didn't do any ab exercises but the definition was there nevertheless.  

Then we came back home and had 3 months of travel on the road where we simply ate what supporters offered and the weight came back slowly but surely.  After those initial 3 months of 2019 I just stayed lazy in my eating and especially started drinking Mountain Dew again, which I've lovingly referred to as my 'sauce.'  I've never been much of an alcohol drinker minus the occasional sweet alcoholic drink but man, soda is my preferred drink and arguably way worse than alcohol in terms of what it does to your body.  A beer a day versus a soda a day, I'm pretty sure soda would be worse for your health in the long run.

As recently as February, I tried a 30 day cleanse which was super expensive (almost doubled our grocery budget) and proved to be too strict for me to follow.  I only lasted 4 days which was quite discouraging.  Other people do great on 30 day cleanses and lose weight fast.  However, many of them if you follow them long-term gain the weight back and some even put on more weight.  This one had a follow-up diet but again, one that seemed super strict and not sustainable for most people.

After that failure, I just got down on myself and felt like a failure myself rather than just that I simply failed at something.  This happens a lot in my life, where I view myself as the failure rather than simply failing at something.  They can be quite difficult to separate in one's mind, at least in my case.

So, I'm going to be trying something way different than what I've tried before.  In short, it's a strategy called 'mini-habits' and I've read a book by the same title as well as one titled Mini Habits for Weight Loss.  The basic idea is anything with a number of days in the title is probably not going to do you much good long term.  7 day cleanse, 14 day detox, 21 day weight loss plan, 30 day cleanse with a promise of sustainable change afterward.

The author's approach is much easier and makes much more sense to me.  He talks about how we need a strategy that is something we can do every day for the rest of our lives.  Nothing is off limits, since we often rebel against arbitrary rules.  'Don't think of a pink elephant' and you're naturally going to think of a pink elephant.  Similarly, "Don't eat any added sugars" and you're naturally going to crave natural sugars more unless you're a willpower superhero.

Rather, you should build mini-habits one or two at a time until they make significant changes in your approach to diet and exercise.  I've tried this before but again came at it wrong.  Some of my mini-habits in the past included cut added sugars, cut out soda, etc.  I missed the point the first time around.  Now my first mini-habit is try and drink 100 ounces of water a day.  Some experts say 8 cups of 8 ounces, others say half your body weight in ounces.  I chose 100 ounces not because it's half my body weight (that would be 115 ounces) but simply because I like round numbers.  For me it comes to roughly 5 or 6 of the glasses we have at home or about the equivalent of 6 regular sized water bottles you see everywhere.

This seems achievable to me, but I'm also thirstier than the average Joe historically so it might be quite a bit less for most people.  4 of the past 6 days I've had no soda as a result of this strategy.  I'm not focusing on cutting out soda but rather on increasing my water intake, which makes a huge difference for me.

That's all I'm going to focus on for a few weeks until I get some winning streaks under my belt.  Along with mini habits is the idea of small wins and building on those.  So, basically the opposite of most diets or cleanses on the market these days which call for radical changes in your diet and exercise routine all at once and where you see dramatic results quickly but are usually difficult for average people to maintain long term.  19 out of 20 people who get on a diet fail eventually, how depressing is that?!  

As for other mini-habits, we'll wait and see.  Some I'm considering are brushing my teeth after dinner or at 8pm when I put my son to bed.  I tend to eat worse later in the evening after dinner.  Throughout the day I eat decently but after 8pm all willpower is shot.  Nothing tastes good to me after brushing my teeth so that would be a good deterrent if I were to guess.  

Another one I've considered is the classic 5 fruits and vegetables a day.  I usually get 2 in first thing in the morning in my smoothie (a banana and some spinach along with other things that make it palatable) but the rest of the day can slip away before I've realized I haven't eaten enough fruit and vegetable for the day.  That should help with filling me up on fiber where I'm not left feeling hungry for more simple carbs.

These mini-habits could be seen as rules as other things are, but they're not as extreme or restrictive.  Again, no food is off limits because once you make something off limits it's immediately tempting and I'm the type of person that falls too easily into temptation.  You're simply building mini-habits that will in time decrease your desire for all the junk food and sugary drinks.

We'll have to wait and see how it goes.  This is going to be a much longer process than most diets but I think the results will be worth it in the long run.

May of 2018

Late April 2020

What a difference 2 years can make!