thoughts on MLK day

Today, we had the day off school for Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  I had a great day and even got to spend part of it with friends which I absolutely loved.  For dinner, I met up with an old roommate of mine who is still a good friend of mine.  He mentioned that when he taught at a pretty rough school, MLK day was seen as a celebration, he said it was a lot like the 4th of July.  He attributed it to the fact that the population there was predominately black and so of course it means more to the black population than to the white population.  In my opinion, this shouldn't be.

Many people are ignorant in saying things along the lines of racism doesn't really exist anymore and we don't need to worry about it anymore.  I would dare say that racism exists now almost as much as it ever has.  There are some things to cheer about though recently, like the fact that the percentage of interracial marriages is the highest it has ever been.  That is something to celebrate if you ask me.  However, there are still many things to mourn and change.

Martin Luther King Jr. used to say the most segregated hour of the week was on Sunday mornings at churches across this great nation.  Sadly, that is still largely true today.  I'm not sure why that is, but it's something that needs to be worked on to be sure.  It goes both ways.  A dear coworker of mine invited me to a gospel concert at her church and I kid you not, I was the only white person out of about 100 or 200 people.  It was a strange feeling to say the least.  It also gave me a greater appreciation for my friend, who is the only black teacher at our school.  It happens elsewhere too though, to be sure.  Last year, a kindergarten teacher took a note from a student that said, "F***ing Mexicans."  This was a painful reminder that racism is something that is taught.

As a side note, this is something that I really appreciate at my school.  We have such a beautiful mixture of students, mostly Hispanic but also a decent black and white population.  Sometimes I tell my students how lucky they are that they get to go to school with people of different colors.  Where I grew up I can think of about 2 students in junior high that were black.  It's really cool with my students though.  Something I've realized with kids is that they're really color blind.  Hispanics play with blacks, whites play with blacks and hispanics, it's just awesome to see.  When I can see past their annoyances of the day, I really feel like I'm getting to see a glimpse of what heaven might look like.  Every tribe, tongue and nation will bow down.  Not just Westerners, not just the global south, but every people group.

Towards the end of his life, MLK started talking out against the US military.  People really hated that, as I'm sure the same would be true in today's world.  Someone who preaches a nonviolent way forward is usually not taken very well.  Especially in regards to our military.  No one wants to touch our military budget, as if it is something holy and sacrosanct.  They'd rather cut our safety net than cut our military spending.  MLK had quite a bit to say in regards to that as well.

Many people look back on history and assume they would be on the right side of whatever struggle.  I'm not so sure this would be the case.  If people aren't loving towards others now, what makes them think they would magically be loving towards others in a different time period?  Let us be a people of love, and may our political agendas and worldviews be shaped by a love for God and for others.

helping others and identity

Earlier today, I helped a woman move whom I've grown to love dearly over the past couple of years.  There were several of us there and we knocked it out in about an hour and a half since the places were very close to each other.  It never ceases to amaze me how much moving can wear a person out, even if it's such a short period of time.  Maybe it's because you're using muscles that you don't usually use.

Starting on Tuesday, I'm hosting a couple of couchsurfers from France for a night or two and am really looking forward to that as I haven't hosted anyone since I've been back in Florida.  For some reason, I get a natural high from hosting couchsurfers, it's just really good for my soul for some reason.  I enjoy hosting almost as much as I enjoy surfing.

My students were a handful this past week.  It seems as though it may be a very long last half of the year at the rate it's currently going.  In spite of this, I love helping them learn.  Many of them have made some huge breakthroughs in reading this past week and I am superbly excited about that.  We laughed earlier in the week when I was asking them to name something that creeps and one of them responded by saying her grandma.  It was just too cute and funny.

People who try and encourage me tell me that I touch so many lives that I don't even realize.  This usually comes after a time of which I'm complaining that I don't have the same gifts as my dad or brother or uncle.  Maybe there's something to what they're saying though.  Oftentimes I don't see touching others' lives as a gift or anything significant but maybe they're right.  A couple weeks ago I learned that many students' parents had requested me as a teacher for the younger siblings of the students who I taught last year.  That made me feel really good and that I had been at least successful in doing a good job with those students and parents to where they wanted their other children to have me as a teacher.  About a month or two ago I had two people whom I really look up to tell me I had a significant impact on their lives, something I didn't really realize but needed to be told at that time.

For some reason, I tend to be really hard on myself.  Not sure why that is, except that I seem to be wired that way a little bit.  My mom says I've been that way since I was 5 years old, when she made me make a list of 10 reasons why Jesus loved me.  Being hard on myself usually accomplishes very little in the way of productivity, in fact the opposite is usually true.  It can become almost paralyzing in a sense.  I can become so obsessed with my faults that I fail to move in a new direction and instead insist on dwelling on the past.  It can be an enemy of seeing the whole picture of myself, that while I do have my faults I also do many things well.  

What is the way forward I wonder?  Along with many others, I try and encourage people to find their identity in Christ.  When we find it in anything other than Jesus, we're bound to come up short.  This is why I don't understand people who say they're a good person.  Saying you're a good person is a pretty relative thing to say, kind of like saying you don't have any money.  This past week I heard a guy on the Dave Ramsey show say he wasn't rich after he said he was making a $180,000 bonus or something ridiculous.  I only make about 40 k, but am also not stupid enough to think that 40 k compared with most other people in the world is an extreme amount of wealth.  Pictures of poverty don't sell many TV shows though, so we're constantly bombarded with people who make more money than we do, or at least seem to.  Anyways, it takes a certain amount of discipline to try and see oneself as God sees you.  He calls you some pretty crazy stuff like holy and worthy and His child.  When we say that we're not, we're really in all actuality calling God a liar.  Not a very becoming attitude to have.  What would it take for you and me to believe the things God says about us?  Perhaps more importantly, what would it look like to live that way?

Missionary life, discipleship, and relationships

Well, it's Friday night and as such I had my usual weekly after Friday two hour nap.  I'm blessed enough to love my job for the most part, but on Friday's I'm typically beyond exhausted.  Those little rugrats wear me out!  I'm hoping to also get some planning done tonight as I have a fairly busy weekend ahead, but I wanted to take a minute and write first.

God has truly blessed my life in all areas.  I try and give back to Him and His kingdom generously, but as my preacher growing up used to say, "Just try and out-give God, see what happens."  That has been so true this past year as I've tried to be stretched as a giver, and this shouldn't really surprise anyone but He has been faithful in out-giving me, just like my preacher used to say.  In years past, I've had several people tell me they think I possess the gift of giving.  Books like strength finder and other books tell you to try and grow in your strengths, so that's exactly what I've tried to do, particularly this past year or so.  God has been so faithful through it all, and best of all I get to hear what my missionary friends whom I support are doing so that's a double blessing if you ask me.  They're blessed by being able to go to the field and I'm blessed by hearing about what God's doing in the world through them.

Speaking of which, last Thursday or Friday, I got to catch up with a dear friend of mine who is now living in Kenya.  She is an incredible woman of God doing great things for the kingdom, and I only wish we would talk as often as we try to.  I want to say though that it had been almost a year since we talked, even though we have played facebook tag many times between those times.  She's in the midst of her third year over there and is just now starting to see some of the things come to fruition that she originally went over there for.  In missionary life, as in everyone's life, things often take longer than we originally expect them to.  

Of course, if you're a Christian, technically you're a missionary no matter where you live.  We are called to spread the gospel no matter where we currently live.  Who are you currently pouring life into?  Who is your disciple?  If we're called to make disciples and everyone knows the great commission, than why aren't  more people discipling others?  It's not hard usually.  All it takes is a willing heart and a little commitment of time.  The best part is that you get to see a person grow in their spiritual lives.  Sure, they'll get knocked down sometimes, just like we all do, but I promise you that if you invest life into another person you will see growth that will bless you at the same time it blesses them.  

For the past year or two, I've taken the time to pour into another person who is a new believer.  As my mentor in college used to say, we learn just as much as the person we're discipling.  He has been a huge blessing on my life and I've learned so much from meeting with him on a regular basis.  I've seen his life transform and his marriage become healthier.  It has been so awesome to watch and be a small part of it.  Jesus and the Holy Spirit are in the business of transforming lives and it's incredible to watch it.  

My own life has been transformed as well, and continues to be so.  For the past year, I've suddenly had a desire to be in a relationship with a woman.  This certainly was not of my own accord, and to be honest I've even prayed against it at times.  Slowly, though, I'm coming around to it as not being such a terrible idea.  I just really struggle with thinking about bringing my bipolar into a relationship still.  I was dating someone for a few months in the early part of last year.  Simultaneously, though, I was going through an episode of depression.  As it turns out, it's very difficult to date someone while you're going through depression, and even harder when they live in Japan.  She was/is an incredible woman, but I suppose it just wasn't meant to be.  Here's a tip for all of you looking to get into a relationship...try to date someone who is at least living on the same continent.  We had a 12 or 13 hour time difference, so it was really hard to find a time when we could Skype.  We had started talking again just as friends when I returned from Turkey, but this proved too difficult for her to bear.  I miss her friendship dearly to be honest, but I understand why it had to be done.  Sometimes it just hurts too much to hang on.

Now I'm not particularly looking for a relationship, but am open to the idea at least.  I go through these phases where I'll really want a relationship, but inevitably that time passes and I get back to being fine on my own again.  Not sure what that means, except that maybe I'm just not ready quite yet.  I was on Christian Mingle for a while and still am technically, but now I can't email anyone because I didn't renew that level of membership.  If someone worthwhile emails me maybe I'll get back on there, but it's quite a bit of money in my opinion.

fear, love, and works

This past week, I had the privilege of seeing some more family, only this time it was on my mom's side of the family.  My cousin and her husband have four amazing children who I got to play with and wrestle with and just have an amazing time with.  They were so much fun and I especially enjoyed the 9, 8, and 2 and a half year old.  The baby was a very nice baby but they're just not as much fun in my opinion haha  I'm sure next year he'll be a blast too though as he's able to walk and talk a little bit.  The two older ones I've watched grow up a certain amount, I was there when the second one was born and though I've moved far away since, I always come home once a year or fairly close to that in order to see them.  They still remember me, and even the two and a half year old who didn't remember me raised his arms up when I said his name excitedly so that really made my day.  Those kids as well as kids in general give me so much joy.  

It is such a blessing and an honor to be a teacher today.  People usually say we need more male teachers in the primary grades when I say I'm a kindergarten teacher.  I generally agree with this notion but would add a few cautions.  Just because someone is a man does not make them a good candidate for teaching elementary school.  Many times I joke that I'm not nurturing enough to be a primary teacher but I think there is quite a bit of nurturing within me, otherwise I'd be a lot angrier every day.  One of the criticisms I've received from  my principal is that I'm too nice and my tolerance for noise is too high.  I'd rather err on that side than have a completely silent room there, they are 5 and 6 years old after all, right?

This school year has proven much tougher than last school year.  The group of students I have are quite the handful I have to say.  In spite of this, I find myself itching to get back in the classroom and ready to hug on some of my kiddos.  Of course, I am not nor do I pretend to be their parent or anything like that, but I do my best to provide a safe environment that is loving and welcoming to all of my students.  I realize it's not PC necessarily to hug my kids, but if they come up and hug me I'm not going to turn them away.  Yes, I try and do the sideways hug that my principal suggested at a faculty meeting, but even that is better than nothing if you ask me.  It's difficult when I can tell that some of my students just need to be loved better at home.  There aren't any signs of abuse that I can see so far, but you can just tell when someone and especially some kid has been loved well and when they haven't.  Kids who are loved well are more confident when they grow up and more willing to take risks.  I don't have any stats to prove this but it's just common sense if you ask me.  Don't get me wrong, I care deeply about educating my students, but I dare say it's of primary importance to make them feel safe and loved.  Without that foundation, you're not going to get very far with them.  Some use fear as a motivator, I've even heard a fellow teacher say that the students should respect her because they fear her, but I just don't think that's as good a motivation as love.

The same can probably be said for our view of God.  If we live in constant fear of God, we may find temporary motivation there.  If we live in an understanding of God's love for us though, I think that motivation will go much further in terms of our obedience to His calling of us.  The book of Proverbs repeatedly tell us that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom so there is a need for a certain level of fear to be sure.  Many would say that the fear that is being talked about there is more of an awe and respect but I would argue against that line of reasoning.  I'm pretty sure if God showed up on earth in all His glory, it would scare the pants off everyone.  That being said, God calls us to love Him as He first loved us.  

Once we show the proper fear and respect of a most holy God, we are called near to the throne of grace.  We don't deserve grace, no works would ever earn it, but we are given it.  For some reason, a lot of people stop there.  We are made in His image to do good works though, not to rest on our laurels and just soak up the grace for ourselves.  He prepared good works in advance for us to do, we need to step into those good works, not just worry about our own situation.  For those needing help in how to do good works, I might point you in the direction of reading The Barefoot Church or better yet, taking your small group through The Barefoot Church Primer.  It has a lot of great suggestions for starting in the area of serving and moving from great intentions to actually doing something.