First Things First

This is habit 3 of the 7 habits of highly effective people book that I’m currently reading.  It’s this idea of getting your priorities straight and then taking steps to ensure you’re putting effort toward your top priorities.  It was a great reminder as so often I can get distracted by minutiae that doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

He had a weekly planner in this chapter that I’ve found extremely helpful this week so far.  Instead of just keeping a to do list or a daily schedule it maps out the whole week and when you can do quadrant II things; meaning those types of things that are important but not urgent.  This is the quadrant in personal management teaching where you can develop yourself the most.  Unfortunately, it is also the most neglected of all four quadrants.  The other quadrants are urgent, important; not important but urgent; not important and not urgent.  The goal is to get out of quadrant 4; not important and not urgent, and spend more time in quadrant II of important but not urgent.

It takes discipline and planning to spend time in this quadrant.  It’s a lot about preventive types of thinking, whether it’s preventing a bunch of fires at work or preventing health problems later in life by exercising and eating right.  How much could we save on healthcare if more people spent time in quadrant II?

To help plan the week, it talks about roles and goals before making the weekly plan.  What are your roles in life and what are the goals that stem from those roles?  What activities do you need to focus on to reach those goals.  Again, this has been extremely helpful for me this week and hopefully I can keep up this discipline moving forward.

What roles are most important to you?  Are you spending time cultivating those roles?  Are you growing in those roles?  What are your goals that stem from those roles?  Are you achieving those goals?  Have you considered what those goals might even be?  Or are you too busy with the daily grind to think about such things.

Again, it takes discipline to think in quadrant II.  Things that are urgent typically take our attention away from important but not urgent things that are vital to our health.  How can you take the time to get into quadrant II types of thinking and doing?

Counseling Yourself

The past couple weeks while working out I’ve been listening to a preacher named Matt Chandler.  He can bring it when he preaches and has brought up the subject of “In light of the gospel, how do we counsel ourselves and others?”  It has me thinking a few different things.

The scripture he always points out in reference to this idea is in the book of Psalms somewhere where David talks to himself, saying, “Why are you downcast, oh my soul?  Put your hope in God.”  It’s interesting to note that nowadays there are self help books that teach you how to counsel yourself basically.

They think they’ve stumbled onto some revolutionary finding, namely cognitive behavior therapy.  What if it was there all along and we’re just now calling it something different?  What if it’s one of those things that has been in Scripture all along and now we think we’re onto something completely different when in reality it’s just been under-utilized by Christians all these years?

There are different verses throughout the Bible that talk about our thought lives and implicitly how we talk to ourselves.  There’s the one I’ve already mentioned.  There’s one that talks about if anything is excellent of praiseworthy to think about such things.  Philippians 4:8  8Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Sometimes we need modern doctors to point out what has been there all along.  It’s humorous to me though that they think they’ve come up with some amazing new idea when it has been there for thousands of years.

There’s a book I’ve read that also talks primarily about cognitive behavior therapy and how to do it.  It’s basically self-talk and realizing if you’re depressed your thoughts are irrational and not to be trusted.  You can combat this self-talk by using rational arguments.

Here’s an example from yesterday.  I was walking with Steffani and sharing how I was having one of those days where I just felt worthless for no apparent reason.  Then I shared how my worth is found in Christ and His sacrifice for me, not in anything I’ve done or not done.  I can rest assured that I’m worthy because God adopted me as His own child.  He chose me and loves me.  That is where I need to find security in wealth, not in fleeting feelings.

Therapy has always been beneficial for me.  Sometimes though, we can help counsel ourselves if we put into practice some techniques that we learn from Scripture or self-help books that outline how to combat irrational thinking.  Here’s hoping you learn to tell yourself to put your hope in God when your soul is downcast.

Unity in Marriage

Today I was walking with Steffani and discussing our future.  We have different ideas on where we should go from here.  I’ve been telling people this idea for an entrepreneurship school in Cuba all along and it’s what I feel called to.  She would prefer to go somewhere else first that has an established team.

While ‘having a discussion’ can be difficult and stressful, it’s vitally more important to remember we’re on the same team.  We can have disagreements about where to head in the future and that’s completely okay.  My mentor laughed as I was telling him about this today and said, “I wish I could tell you that goes away with time but you know my wife and I well enough to know that it doesn’t.”

Disagreements will come and go, but our marriage lasting is what counts.  Being unified as a couple, even when you’re not sure what the future holds in terms of where you’re going to end up, is very important.  There’s room for disagreement in unity.

Look at the church, both globally and locally.  There are many different expressions of the faith but what counts is that we’re all worshiping the same Christ and that we’re unified.  People get caught up in the minutiae and forget what’s really important.

Even if something feels much bigger, like where we’re going to end up, I know it’ll be okay with us.  I know this because our marriage is built on Christ and Christ alone.  He is the unifier of our relationship, and therefore I can rest assured that He’s got this.  More importantly He’s got us.

So while we will inevitably have disagreements like all married couples do, I know for certain that we can still be unified in our marriage.  We don’t have to see eye to eye on everything and that is still okay.  Steffani and I have an awesome marriage, one that is very steady and constant.  We’re both very grateful for where God has taken us this year and look forward to where He will take us in the future, no matter where that might be.

A Loving Economy

“With the Amish, economy is not merely a function of community; the community and the economy are virtually the same.  We might, indeed, call an Amish community a loving economy, for it is based on the love of neighbors, of creatures, and of places.” (Wendell Berry, Home Economics)  This is from the book I finished before my current one; I had written down some blog ideas and never got around to writing them down.

So, what does a loving economy look like if it’s based on the love of neighbors, of creatures, and of places?  Would it look like any country’s economy as it stands now?  Of course not, at least not in my opinion.  This type of economy has to be smaller by definition.  To truly love someone means you must be in some type of proximity to that person.  A loving economy, therefore, requires a community that is place-based, in other words a neighborhood or farming community where people stay for a long while.

It is difficult to start new relationships whether they be romantic or friendships.  Either one takes time to build that type of capacity to truly love the other person.  Most of Steffani and I’s dating relationship and subsequent engagement took place across continents.  It was tough to be sure, but it gives us a little more gratitude now that we’re in the same place and really able to try and make something of ourselves so to speak.

How would an economy based on love work differently than an economy based on greed, as people often claim our current economy is?  Perhaps it would borrow language from the Bible about putting others’ needs ahead of our own.  Or maybe you don’t have to overthrow the entire system but learn how to use the current system in place to serve other people out of love.  There’s a new book out I’ve heard of called People Over Profits and I’d be curious to see if it explores the same type of idea.

Economies and economic systems aren’t evil things in and of themselves, but I believe they’re rather immoral.  Calling one system more evil than another misses the opportunity of that system to address people’s real needs.  It’s similar to money and personal finance.  Money makes a great slave and a terrible master.  If we can use our current economic models to love people why would we not do that?

Begin With the End in Mind

The 2nd habit of highly effective people is to begin with the end in mind.  The author Stephen Covey gives the example of imagining you’re at your own funeral.  What would you want different people to say about you during the eulogy?  

Thankfully, I had a campus minister who took us through a similar exercise way back in college.  It’s sometimes easy to forget what’s important to us in the daily grind of life.  When we visualize things like our own funeral though, it helps put things in proper perspective.

If you want to be remembered as a gracious person, are you acting graciously on a regular basis?  If you want to be remembered as a person who loved his family, are you acting that way now?  I can remember thinking I wanted to be remembered as a man after God’s own heart.

Since college, I have tried to cultivate that in my life.  I certainly haven’t always succeeded but I have always tried to live that way.  When I come into contact with different people I try and point them toward Christ.  Not always in a blatant, turn or burn type of thing, but rather trying to spread the fragrance of Christ.

Back to the 2nd habit, he talks about what you’re centered on and how it affects how you view the world.  He suggests being centered on principles.  Principles are good to be sure, but Jesus makes a way better center than mere principles.  The basic idea is sound though, center your life on things that cannot change.

Jesus is the only Being I know that does not change.  It is a mystery to me.  It’s taken me a lifetime of wrestling with what that even means, but I stake my life on that claim of Christ; that He is an unchanging Savior and Lord.

He is my Center because nothing else matters apart from Him in my life.  Following Christ is sometimes mysterious, but at the same time it helps the rest of life make sense somehow.  Not always of course, I go through periods of doubt just like the next person, but following Christ does start to clarify what on earth I am here for.

Be Proactive

The latest book I’m reading is entitled The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.  Before I get into it I wanted to share something about the book that is pretty cool to me.  My dad gave me this book and I looked and he got it in 1990, at least if he got it the same year as the book was written.  That would have put him at about age 33 or 34 if my math is right.  I’m 33 now and am reading the same book!  My dad has lead a very successful and effective life, hopefully this book will help me live much the same way he has since he read this book all those years ago.

Back to the book, the first habit is to be proactive.  He talks about the word responsible and breaks it down into response - able; able to respond.  The idea being that our circumstances will constantly change but we are able to choose our response to those circumstances.  He quotes Viktor Frankl as saying something along the lines that the last of the human freedoms is the ability to choose our response to a given situation.

There are several reflective questions he asks through the chapter that stung quite a bit to be honest.  How many times do you just say, “If only...than I’d be happy.”  Ouch.  Guilty as charged.  We need to realize that if we wait for circumstances to change in order for us to be happy than our happiness will only be fleeting at best.  It is far better to choose a positive response no matter the circumstance.  Not a ridiculous everything is always awesome response but rather one that realizes what’s really important in life and to not let little things get in the way of our everyday joy.

We are able to respond to different circumstances.  He also talks about the ‘haves’ and the ‘be’s’; again talking about statements like, “If only I had such and such” or “I wish I could have that person’s life.”  It’s wiser to rather say, “I choose to be content with my life” or “I choose to be a persevering person.”

So far this book is hitting me in the gut and is a great reminder that I am able to respond to whatever life throws my way.  I am not a victim as I sometimes like to think but rather need to be proactive in how I respond to different circumstances.  This is especially true in my reactive nature to criticism.  If someone offers even constructive criticism my first reaction is usually to get defensive.  I need to take time to assess the criticism, consider the source and if they have my best interest in mind, and then see if it’s constructive and how it might help me moving forward.  That is how I plan on implementing a proactive attitude in my life; we’ll see if I’m successful in doing so  :)  

Thrifty and Generous

This idea comes from one of the last books I read called Home Economics.  He was referring to life on the farm in a community and how people made it.  They were thrifty and generous.

I really like this idea.  Many people know that I’m cheap, but I also try and be very generous as well.  If I do spend money I want to bless someone with it, not just spend it on myself.  One of my favorite things to do with money is to buy Steffani flowers.  Full disclosure, I have a calendar reminder that tells me when it’s been a while and asks if I’m bought her any flowers or written her a love letter recently.

Her eyes always light up when I give her flowers.  Fellas, if you’re single and trying to woo a lady, try flowers.  They will hopefully work as well for you as they do for me.  Men, if you’re married, when was the last time you gave your wife flowers just because?

My preacher growing up used to say if giving doesn’t hurt a little you’re not doing it right.  I couldn’t agree more.  If you look at the Bible it has a lot more to say about sacrificing than a certain percentage.  10% is a great start for Christians but I like to challenge people to give above and beyond that.

It’s harder now to challenge people on giving; I feel as though they might think I have an agenda since I’m now raising money.  While I would love for people to give to our ministry, it is far more important that they give period.  It does wonders for the soul and gets the focus off yourself.

Recently, Steffani and I upped our own giving; we feel if we’re challenging others to give than we better set a good example ourselves.  Plus it’s what we as believers are called to.  I’m amazed at how many people don’t give on a regular basis in the Church.  I’m sure we’ve all heard the stats about how giving in the church merely mirrors the same types of percentages as outside the church.  Brothers and sisters, this ought not be!

We serve a generous God; therefore let us be generous ourselves toward God and others.  Not in the guilt trip type of way but rather in the it’s the only way we know how to respond to a God who loved us enough to sacrifice His Son.  Who are you going to bless by being generous today?