Justin's 5 Step Guide to Weight Loss

This is partially inspired by noticing something on several websites I like to visit that seems to be a current trend.  3 Steps to such and such; 5 Ways to do this better; 7 Ideas to improve this or that area of your life, etc.  Has anyone else noticed that?  Maybe it’s just the websites I frequent but now that I’ve noticed it I see it all the time.  Stef and I always get a good laugh out of it anyway.

Anyway, I would like to put some disclaimers on here to start with.  First, this is not doable for everyone for obvious reasons as you will soon see.  Second, this is based on a pattern I’ve seen develop in my own life over the past decade.  Third, stay tuned in December or January because I will most likely have a follow up blog called ‘Justin’s 5 Step Guide to Weight Gain’ since that’s a typical pattern I go through too.  Fourth, this is not a 100% guarantee or your money back program; although, maybe it should be since I’m charging $0 for it, right?

Ever since age 23, I’ve been traveling overseas for at least one month per year.  It’s a bit of an addiction now to be honest.  I love going overseas and exploring new cultures and learning from other peoples’ ideas who grew up in a different context than I did.  With that in mind, here comes my first step.

Step 1:  Leave America, for at least a month.  Six out of the past seven times I’ve been overseas for a month or more I’ve lost at least 10 pounds during that time.  The one time I actually gained weight but I’m going to call that an anomaly.  I don’t really know what qualifies as an anomaly to be honest, but that’s what I’m going to call it in this case.

Step 2:  Eat smaller portion sizes at meals.  For me, this really goes hand in hand with Step 1.  I never realized how big meal portion sizes are in the states.  This is also due to me eating out a lot in the states; meal portion sizes in restaurants in particular are just insane.  Unless you go to a very expensive restaurant, in which case the portion size will be much smaller (or normal for most other countries) and you will naturally feel ripped off due to the amount of money you’re dropping on the meal.  I seem to have this problem of cleaning my plate, whether I’m satiated or not.  I just keep eating until the plate is finished.  You know that point in the meal when your brain says, “Okay, here’s a good stopping point.  Let’s not eat until we’re completely stuffed and can’t swallow another bite this time, okay?  Remember last time how you felt sick 20 minutes later when it had digested?  And by last time I mean the last 6 months’ worth of dinners.”  Yeah, I rarely listen to that voice for some reason.  Something I certainly need to work on when I get home.

Step 3:  Don’t drink 2 bottles of Coke a day.  Last summer I actually gained weight from overseas.  Looking back I’m pretty sure the 2 Cokes a day didn’t help any.

Step 4:  Walk to and from work most days.  Again, this is not very practical for most people.  Even here, when Ryan is in town I usually ride with him to work.  However, I do walk a ton more than when I’m in the states usually, probably because I don’t have a car when overseas.

Step 5:  Have a mid to high level of stress for long periods of time.  This is probably the most important step.  Ryan pointed this out to me the other day and I hadn’t really considered it before.  That’s probably the reason I’ve lost 35 pounds this time around instead of the usual 15 or 20 that I usually lose.  Cultural stress can just be draining sometimes. 

Well, there it is, my very own 5 Step Plan for weight loss.  Maybe I’ll publish it and get a piece of the how many billion dollar diet and weight loss industry in the states and UK?  Ha, probably not, but hopefully you enjoyed a little humor throughout it!  Reminder: stay tuned in December or January when I post the follow up blog ‘5 Step Guide to Weight Gain.’  Hopefully I can avoid it this time around, who knows?  There will certainly be some significant differences; the biggest one in terms of food will be eating at home instead of eating out so much.  Stef loves to cook (thank you Jesus) and I prefer her cooking to restaurants so that’s pretty awesome!

Learning about Buddhism

As many of you know, I am currently in Myanmar, formerly known as Burma.  I have started a side business here of teaching and tutoring English.  I have three clients and enjoy all three of them thoroughly.  Two clients are businesses with about 5-9 young business pros attending each class and the other is a primary school where I teach for 4 hours on Thursday’s usually (except this week and last, testing and a holiday).

Yesterday was a Buddhist holiday called The Full Moon Day of Thadingyut.  I talked to one of my business groups on Saturday about their plans for the holiday (most businesses took off Monday-Wednesday, Monday was a Muslim holiday and Wednesday was a Buddhist holiday so they just combined them).  They said they were staying in Yangon because that’s where their families lived.  I asked what they planned on doing during their time off.

They informed me they would pray to their elders.  Elders in Buddhism refer to parents, grandparents, teachers and Buddha himself and I think I’m forgetting someone.  They pray to them for forgiveness and the elders wish them peace, love and freedom among other things.  They give gifts to their elders as well during this time.  I asked them if the elders gave them gifts in return and they replied only to their small children, usually a small amount of money or something.

One of my business pros told me she would pray to me…and I would give her money.  We all had a good laugh at that, especially when I told her I would give her children money.  She’s 23 and doesn’t have a husband or children and doesn’t want either for a long time apparently.  I told her I would give her children 5,000 kyat each ($5 basically) and she replied that she would have 20 children so I would give her $100.  I said sure, but it will cost much more to feed 20 mouths!

Today at my second business client, I had printed out some discussion questions on Buddhism, Islam and Jesus.  It was an hour and a half long class and we didn’t even get through all the Buddhism questions.  It was fascinating to learn about their belief system.  There are several types of Buddhism which I was unaware of for starters.  The typical Buddha statue we think of in the west isn’t even the one Myanmar people use as a statue.  One of the questions on the discussion sheet that I downloaded off a site asked ‘Why is Buddha fat?’  They all asked me why that question was on there.  That’s when I learned about different types of Buddhism.

They all told me about a famous monk in Myanmar in particular.  I can’t recall his name, but in 1985 he won the Guinness world record for reciting the most pages from memory of anyone.  It was an ancient language that has since mostly died off.  He recited from memory 16,000 pages!!!  I’ve never even heard of anything close to that!  I know some Jewish rabbis are known for memorizing the Pentateuch but I don’t think that’s even close to 16,000 pages!  And in Christianity we’re lucky if we remember a short verse or two!  I’ve heard some people say they have memorized the Sermon on the Mount which is 3 chapters and I’ve been impressed by that.  We got nothin’ on this monk back in the day!

Anyway, it was so encouraging to listen and learn from them about their religion and beliefs.  I learned so much from them tonight.  I’ll of course share my own beliefs when I share about Jesus and get their opinions on Islam, but I really enjoyed our first day of conversation about this stuff!  Maybe if we all just listened to each other we’d get a lot further??

How (Not) to Argue With a Woman

On Saturday, I learned something new about Steffani.  As much as this may surprise some of you, I don’t really argue all that much with her.  This may be surprising to some of you given how much I have loved to argue in the past and still do on occasion.  Anyway, Stef and I got into an argument and I learned a lot about her from that.

It was a meaningless argument, but what I feel like I gleaned was invaluable from the way we approached it.  We started arguing about driverless cars (like I said, meaningless) and before I knew what hit me we were no longer arguing about driverless cars.  Somewhere, probably about the 4 or 5 minute mark, I realized we were arguing about different things entirely, or so I thought.  She had moved on to arguing about technology as a whole and its implications on society (thank you, useless Sociology undergrad degree of hers) while I was still talking about driverless cars.

When I realized we were no long arguing about the same thing (naturally, after telling her she was being completely illogical and her argument made no sense whatsoever), I quickly brought it to light and said, “Oh, now I understand, we’re no longer arguing about the same thing.”  The issue had been resolved in my mind; she wasn’t being necessarily illogical so much as just not arguing about the same subject matter anymore.

Nope, I was wrong again as it turns out.  Believe it or not gentlemen (and ladies this will most likely make certain sense to you somehow) driverless cars and the implications of all new forms of technology on society as a whole were the same thing to her.  What??  I responded by saying, “How are those different ideas the same things in your mind?  How can that possibly be how you think?”

In the past when I have argued, almost always with men mind you, there have been an unspoken set of ground rules regarding the argument.  Stay focused on the argument at hand, don’t stray away and if you do signal your transition.  Signaling the transition can be something like, “Well, let’s look at the broader picture of this” or “Let’s talk about how that would play itself out in this other situation.”  I was informed by Steffani that I’m just supposed to make the transition seamlessly and follow her line of reasoning.  She said it while laughing thankfully because clearly that is an impossible and Herculean task, one which I don’t have the mental capacity to do.

Thankfully, and this is what’s most important, we were able to laugh about it later.  My friend and pastor has often said to me in conversation as well as from the pulpit, “If your goal is to win an argument, what does that make your spouse?  A loser, right?”  He also said, or perhaps it was someone else, that men think linearly and women’s brains are more like a bowl of spaghetti.  It seems to me that the linear vs. spaghetti analogy is exactly what happened.  I was laser focused on one idea and her mind was weaving everything together.

And to top it all off, on Sunday we were talking about how the argument had gone the day before.  She then informed me I do the same thing.  I said, “Hmm, how do you figure?”  She replied that earlier that day I had been talking about something and went into a stream of consciousness series of thoughts.  I didn’t see how they related.  To me, they’re two very separate types of conversation, not to her though apparently.  I said, “Well, yes, of course I had a stream of consciousness line of thinking, because I wasn’t arguing!  When you are in an argument it is necessary to stay focused on the task at hand.”  She doesn’t see them as different types of conversations.  Well, lesson learned, arguing with logic with a woman is utterly useless. 

As a side note, even if you think this following thought, don’t mention it to your significant other.  “Oh, now I get it.  I just have to redirect you and refocus your attention like I did with my elementary students.”  Yep, definitely not what she wanted to be compared to.  Sometimes words come out, like a flock of doves that has been released as the comedian Brian Regan compares it to, and you immediately want those words back.  Also, be quick to apologize, another important lesson learned; one I have learned before but was reinforced, yet again.  

Transitions in Communication

As many of you know, Stef got here on September 3^rd and how been here for 3 weeks as of Wednesday.  It has been simply wonderful having her here at long last.  We have waited so long to see each other.  In fact most of our relationship has been spent on different continents.

We were talking last night about how we are having to learn to transition in regards to our communication styles.  Skype wasn’t always reliable on either of our ends when she lived in Liberia and I came to Myanmar.  The internet was usually good enough however to support email.  When you’re far apart like that and without access to Skype on a regular basis, you learn to get by using email mostly.

Thankfully, Steffani and I both enjoy writing and reading each others’ seemingly endless novels of emails that we’d send each other on a fairly regular basis.  The benefit of writing emails is you have time to digest, process and respond after some time to think about it.  Now we don’t have that luxury.

Now we basically have to learn how to communicate verbally as opposed to written communication for the most part over the past year and a half.  It is a bit odd if I’m completely honest.  Both of us like to take time to process things, but that is not always a ready option now.  It is of course great to be able to talk face to face, but sometimes I just need time to process things, especially things that are distressing.

We talked about that last night.  The last few years I have made it a point to at least sleep on something that is distressing before responding.  If I respond right away I’m likely to regret it in the near future.  I’ve just found it to be wiser to instead take some time to think about the situation and get outside of your initial emotional reaction.

This has proved beneficial over the past few years as I’ve employed it.  Thankfully, Stef understands this and is willing to give me time to process things.  I truly appreciate that about her.  However, that doesn’t give me license to just ignore the elephant in the room for weeks on end.  I think if I can get at least a 24 hour period or even at least a night’s sleep on an issue that should be sufficient.

So many men tend to react viscerally to distressing situations.  I’ve certainly done my fair share of that in the past, but I don’t want to do that moving forward, especially with a spouse.  One of my friends said her husband has always said this about relationships, “Always build up and never tear down.”  This applies to all relationships but especially marriage.  If I react viscerally right away, I can pretty much guarantee it will not build up the other person.  If I instead take the time to step outside myself and assess the situation as objectively as possible, then I have a better chance at building the other person up while still honestly addressing the problem.

Talking face to face also adds that dimension of body language, right?  One of the areas this applies to especially for me is when I want to mess with Steffani and get her to believe a yarn of mine.  I have a much harder time keeping a straight face and pulling off a trick when she can look into my eyes as opposed to when I tell her something over the phone.  Let me be clear here, I don’t ever deceive her, rather I found out she’s gullible so I play on that every once in a great while. 

Unexpected Inspiration

This past Friday I went to the Global Leadership Summit at a conference center here in Yangon.  I’m pretty sure the Summit is hosted by Willow Creek Church and Bill Hybels from Chicago land.  It was neat to be able to watch some of the speakers all the way over on this side of the world.  It was a 2 day event but I was unable to attend the first day and had to leave early on the second day.  The two speakers I heard were Colin Powell (yes, the general you’re thinking of) and Oscar Muriu, a senior pastor from Nairobi, Kenya.

I enjoyed both these speakers, but much preferred the pastor from Kenya.  He was such an encouraging speaker and had such passion for training leaders in his church.  He was hired as a 20 year old at a church that only had 20 members.  In one year, that grew by 400% to 80 members and a few years later it grew to 500.  He was smart enough to realize very quickly he didn’t have the leadership capacity to handle that and so decided to pour his life into other young people around him to share the load.  One of his ideas came from reading about Moses in the Old Testament and how God gave him 70 leaders to delegate some of the work to so he wouldn’t be so distressed.

That’s not what I want to focus on here though.  The real unexpected inspiration came afterward.  A coworker and I went out to visit one of our SCALE students.  He had finished Phase 1 and we were to interview him.  Unfortunately, I made the mistake of taking the wrong site visit form.  We have different versions of site visits forms.  The one we needed was the pre-SCALE site visit form.  The one I used instead was the kingdom impact site visit form.

In spite of that, it turned out to be such an encouraging time for my coworker Samuel and I and I hope for the student as well.  I should clarify that our SCALE program is for Christian business owners who either already have an existing business or want to start a business and are a bit more experienced. 

This particular student had only been in operation for 3 weeks and had started a bicycle repair shop.  He had started this business to help support his orphanage.  I should also clarify that orphanages here don’t just take in orphans; they take in kids whose parents feel they would benefit more from that environment than what the parents are able to afford them.

He had such a wonderful heart to lead the children and provide for his family as well as the poor in his neighborhood and his church.  His one employee was his pastor of the local church to help him provide for his family.  He gave the poor in his neighborhood a discounted rate so they could afford the repairs.  He was teaching the boys in the orphanage how to repair their own bikes and now they have an employable skill for when they graduate 10 standard (the equivalent of a high school degree here basically.)

I asked him about how he balanced everything.  He’s certainly got a lot on his plate; a family, an orphanage, and a small business to help sustain it all.  He said he makes a daily schedule and adjusts it as necessary.  I told him he was such an inspiration because I could barely balance my schedule now that Steffani is here.  He was such an encouraging example of what a Christian business owner should be in light of the gospel here, or really anywhere for that matter.

Generational God

Stef and I have been reading in the Old Testament for months now and recently started reading the book of Isaiah.  It is one of the Major Prophets set of books in the Old Testament.  It is filled with messianic prophecy throughout the entirety of the book. 

The other day I stumbled across a passage that said, “In 65 years, such and such will come to pass.”  Later in the same chapter I believe there was a messianic prophecy too.  When Stef and I were talking about it on Sunday, (nothing wrong with the occasional private church service, right?) I mentioned that it reminded me of a sermon I had heard years ago.

This preacher had shared how he believed God was a generational God.  When we lose sight of that we easily grow frustrated in our daily endeavors.  Why am I not making any progress in this work?  Why is the world not changing for the better like I long for it to do?

When we look at the God of the Bible though, we see He has a very different definition of things happening in their proper time.  When the Israelites left Egypt and were going to the Promised Land; it took them an extra 40 years to finally cross into it due to their disobedience.  Back to the book of Isaiah and the chapter I was talking about, it took 65 years for the first thing mentioned to pass.  It took another 700 years, give or take a decade, for the messianic prophecy to be fulfilled.  Generations passed between when the last of the Old Testament prophecies was written and when Christ came onto the stage.  Israel didn’t become a nation again for almost 2 millennia after Christ left earth.

This preacher was talking in light of this generational view of God, he was praying for his children to be used mightily for God.  He said that his primary ministry was investing in his kids to send them off like rockets into the world when they became adults and after this pastor had passed away.  It was a very interesting perspective and one that has stuck with me since.

In American society, we are used to things happening instantly.  They don’t call us a microwave society for nothing, right?  I’m a big proponent of technology and forward progress, but one of the unintended consequences has been an expectation that everything should just happen when we want them to.  We start down the path of a dream and are derailed for any number of reasons and then get upset that our dream isn’t fulfilled right away.

We long to impact our work environments and neighborhoods for Christ and to make things better for everyone.  When we fail miserably like we always do and will, we lose hope and faith that things really can get better.  We take 1 step forward and 2 steps back in seemingly every area of our lives.  We get so frustrated at our inability to change things overnight or even within a year or two.

That’s thankfully not how God sees us and our lives.  He is the Creator of time itself and history is one long arc that He is in control of.  I once heard a preacher say we will never know the impact we had here until eternity and probably not even then.  The point isn’t the impact we make, although I personally strive and consistently pray to be a man of impact.  The point is to glorify God no matter what.  Glorify Him in the good and the bad, when you marry your best friend and when you lose your dream job.  On Friday at a conference we sang “Blessed be Your Name.”  I got teary eyed because of the lyrics in that song.  Blessed be Your Name, on the mountaintop and in the valley is the general idea.

God is surely a generational God.  May we remember that when we get discouraged about the lack of change we see in our lives and the lives around us.  May we remember that when we read the news and see the plight of billions of people in dire need around the world.  May it spur us to never give up in every good endeavor that God has called us to.

100 Days

It occurred to me as I was finishing up at the office today that there are a couple of things in my life revolving around 100 days currently.  The first one being that in 100 days I get married to my beautiful fiancé Steffani Taylor.  I like to tease her a fair amount about it naturally; but the truth is I’m more than excited to get to spend the rest of my life with this incredible and godly woman who I somehow talked into marrying me.  The second one being a 100% in 100 days fundraising campaign that Stef and I are starting hopefully on October 1^st.  We had to delay it a bit already so hopefully we can get started by October 1^st this time around.

We have decided to join NMSI full time, my sending agency from the states that helped arrange for me to work here in SE Asia.  She will be working at the Center for Global Outreach (CGO) full time and I will be starting my own business again like I have here.  We are planning on spending a year in Ft. Myers to help prepare for overseas living and pay off our debt in the meantime.

So, 100 days till our wedding day starts today, September 22^nd, and our 100% in 100 days campaign starts October 1^st; again, tentatively at this point to make sure we have our ducks in a row before we start.  There is quite a bit to look forward to as I reread that sentence, things are good.  Some people might call that crazy, raising support during the first year of marriage, but we’re just going to go for it!  We have been spending a lot of time in prayer for my current supporters and our future supporters lately as we gear up for this campaign.  We have spent a lot of time in prayer period in regard to fundraising but really want to focus on our prayer and financial partners.

100 days till I get married, wow.  I never thought that would happen.  In fact, I was dead set against the very idea of marriage in my own life for about a decade.  I was perfectly happy being single.  I loved living the bachelor life; I got to do what I wanted when I wanted to do it.  There is a lot of freedom in that.

However, what I’ve realized over the past couple of years is that perhaps marriage isn’t as bad as I once thought it was.  In short, I had let pop culture and media influence my view of marriage more than I had let God show me His design for it.  I had read the Bible to be sure, but I chose to focus on the admonitions to be single and say I was meant for that.

That all started to change in January of 2012 when my mom came to visit me in Florida.  I overheard her talking to my dad on the phone and something occurred to me.  Marriage is really simply about two people caring well for each other.  It’s deeper on so many levels I’m sure, but that is what I remember sticking out to me and what starting changing my perspective on marriage in general.

Fast-forward 2 years and I’m engaged to be married to a beautiful woman whom I wouldn’t trade for the world if I were given the chance.  She means the world to me, and I couldn’t be happier or more excited to be spending the rest of my life with her.  There will be many ups and downs as there are in any marriage, but I look forward to working it out together with her.  The truth is I love her with all of me.  How could I do anything but ask her to marry me?

Preemptive Love

Steffani arrived to Yangon on September 3rd and I couldn't be happier to FINALLY be spending time together in the same place, face to face.  God was gracious enough to bless her with a job right away and a full-time decent paying job at that!  We praise Him for His provision, both during her time at home this summer and for landing a job immediately when she got here.

It has been so good to have Steffani here, I can't even describe it properly with words.  I am learning, slowly but surely, how to love this woman whom God has blessed me with.  Loving others well is so hard sometimes, isn't it?  It can be especially difficult to love the ones you're closest to, whether that is family or a significant other.  

Thankfully, I am having a very easy job of loving Steffani right now, we're engaged after all.  I am not naive enough to believe butterflies will last forever.  It is especially important now to set up some ways that we can love each other well even when the newness wears off.  Marriage is tough from what I understand.  Love is tough from personal experience.  Thank God we're both Christian and have a God who sets the example in how to love others well.

We are called to love everyone, whether family, friends, or enemies.  Jesus sets a higher standard in the New Testament with the loving your enemies bit, doesn't He?  That is so incredibly difficult when you look at the world today.  So many acts of war are done in the Name of God, it can be very discouraging.  There is still hope, and we have to hold onto that at the very least.

I heard of an organization in Iraq called 'Preemptive Love Coalition' that does something truly unique.  They have Iraqis make shoes and then sell them.  They take some of the profits and fund heart surgeries for Iraqis.  The reason I like this organization so much is it's in direct opposition to preemptive war.  Imagine a world where preemptive love is taken more seriously than preemptive war.

What would be the consequences of preemptive love?  We’ve seen the consequences of preemptive war rear their ugly head again here lately.  I sincerely believe IS is a direct result of our preemptive war actions in Iraq back in 2003.  Now we seem hell bent on repeating the same pattern.  We bomb them, it was shock and awe back in 2003 and now it’s just a smaller version of the same tactic.

Anyway, back to the original question; what would the consequences of preemptive love be?  For starters, Christians would go out to their communities and neighborhoods instead of trying to bring people into their church buildings.  This has already started happening and in fact has been a huge part of our Christian history across cultures and nations.  When we follow Christ’s example of sacrificial love, it speaks volumes of our beliefs.  The old adage actions speak louder than words is especially apt.

Let’s strike our enemies with preemptive love instead of preemptive war.  What if we went in to hotspots and lived among people groups who were under persecution?  I know of one couple who did that where I currently am residing, at least in a neighboring state.  They had to flee a mob of people who were angry international NGO’s were helping the persecuted minority group.  That is an example of the preemptive love I think we should be an example of.

RPG Pastor

A few weeks ago, some coworkers and I visited a pastor who wanted to join our SCALE program.  Our SCALE program is for Christian business owners who want to expand their existing businesses.  We also open it to adults who are past the 25 year old cut off limit for our STARTUP program.  We decided to do some pre-field visits to see what these potential SCALE students already had in operation.

One of these students was a man who I like to refer to as RPG pastor.  We had tea with him in his church building to discuss his business and his plans to expand.  In his church, the front was what you might call typical, a cross and a pulpit.  In the back corner where we met there were some pictures of this pastor in different parts of his history.

The picture that stood out most to me was one of him holding an RPG.  RPG is actually a Russian acronym and stands for: Ruchnoy Protivotankovyy Granatomyot; Americans have reengineered the word to mean Rocket Propelled Grenade.  Needless to say, it wasn’t something I expected to see displayed in a church.  If I was a member of his church, I think it’s safe to say I would be more apt to pay attention with a picture of that in the back of the church.  There was also a picture of him with some fellow soldiers in front of a military helicopter.  Alongside these pictures was one of him receiving his Masters of Divinity from a Bible college.

Talk about a life!  This guy had some incredible stories.  The most fascinating one was when his company had been slaughtered from 500 men or so down to 100.  The general told the remaining 100 they were to fight against 3,000 soldiers on the rebel side.  If they didn’t they were to commit suicide, they weren’t allowed to retreat.  His commanding officer told RPG pastor if his God would deliver the 100 soldiers from the enemy’s hand he would believe in Him.  So, naturally the RPG pastor spent that entire night praying to God for deliverance.  The next day when it was time for battle, they found the rebels had retreated to the border of Thailand. 

It reminded me instantly of Gideon and his 300 men in the Old Testament.  His commanding officer became a believer and asked the RPG pastor what he wanted.  He replied he didn’t want any money, just the opportunity to share Christ with the rest of the army.  He spent the next 5 years going around the country and preaching the gospel to his fellow soldiers.  Wow!!!

He later retired from the army and got his Masters of Divinity from a local Bible college.  After some time preaching at a church, he decided a particular neighborhood that was mostly unreached needed a church, so he planted one there.  He also started a moto-bike business. 

He bought a few moto-bikes and rents them out to people in the neighborhood who use them as taxis to get people around since no taxis go out that far typically.  He is able to use this business as a ministry as it provides job for non-believers in the neighborhood.  This provides a platform for the RPG pastor to share the gospel with his moto-bike drivers.

He also has a healing ministry in his church where people come to get healed.  He lays hands on locals and heals them.  He also prophesied for a coworker during the SCALE program when they were going over his business plans to expand.  The coworker said he knew exactly what this coworker was going through at the time.  Talk about a special connection to God!

This guy was so inspiring and by far my favorite pre-field site visit.  I will never forget his stories and his strong desire to share the gospel in whatever means possible.  Whether that means preaching the gospel to fellow soldiers around the country for 5 years, planting a church, or renting out motorbikes and using that opportunity to witness to nonbelieving motorbike taxi riders, this guy is clearly on fire for God.  This has been one of the best tastes of the kingdom being expanded I’ve experienced here.  Thanks be to God for allowing me to meet the RPG pastor and be inspired by him.

Suicide From a Bipolar Perspective

A couple days ago, it was released that Robin Williams had passed away due to a suicide.  I looked up Wikipedia’s article on him to learn more about him.  They quoted a psychologist as saying it was well known that he struggled with bipolar disorder and depression.  Another way to say it is that he struggled with manic depression, and depression, but perhaps that just shows the redundancy of it?

Mental illness is a struggle for many within the Church and outside the Church.  Unfortunately, “48% of evangelical, fundamentalist, or born-again Christians agree prayer can overcome mental illness.  Fifty percent of those 18-29 years old say prayer and Bible study could overcome mental illness.  35% of all ages agree with the statement, “With just Bible study and prayer, ALONE, people with serious mental illness like depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia could overcome mental illness.”  (for more details go to http://blog.lifeway.com/newsroom/2013/09/17/half-of-evangelicals-believe-prayer-can-heal-mental-illness/ )

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 17 after a 2 week stint in the mental hospital with a severe case of mania that ultimately resulted in a temporary state of psychosis.  When I finally got better, I learned all I could about the disorder, much like anyone does when they’re diagnosed with something fairly significant.  My mom and I both came to the conclusion that Robin Williams had to be bipolar.  My psychologist disagreed but I always held to that.  His quick wit and comedy were like one constant episode of mania or what it at least felt like when I experienced mania.

With his suicide, it brought up a lot of stuff for me like it always does when someone famous or someone I might know kills themselves.  Self-doubts emerge, usually along the lines of, “What if I'm next?”  “That could be me someday.”  And other doubts along those same lines.

Then, and I have to say this happens a lot when discussing mental illness, well-meaning Christians end up doing quite a bit of damage when they try and help fellow believers.  We don’t want or need a cliché.  We don’t want or need to be told if we just prayed harder, believed more, had more faith, chose joy instead of depression or whatever the latest form of spirituality self-help may be during that time.  We don’t want or need you to pretend to understand something if you’ve never experienced it before.

We need your help in those times.  We need a listening ear as we try and figure out what’s going on.  We need a strong community that exudes the love of Christ and reminds us of who we are in Christ.  We need you to point us back to Jesus in the midst of our darkness.  We need you to lovingly confront us and tell us we need professional help when it is warranted.  We need you to stand by us and not give up on us no matter how difficult it becomes.  We need you to realize mental illness is very real and that it is multi-faceted and needs to be treated holistically.  We need you to realize we’re scared and telling us to pray more and have more faith isn’t helping.  Chances are we’re already praying a ton and already putting all our faith and trust in God. 

Can we please agree that sometimes God heals us and sometimes He assures us His grace is sufficient?  Can we please agree that sometimes depression is caused by spiritual reasons and sometimes it’s not?  Can we please agree that mental illness is complex and tricky and that we’ll all tread lightly, lovingly and gracefully when talking about the subject?  Thank you for listening.

Lessons in Initiative

Sometimes, I have to learn the same lesson twice within the same year.  While I was still in Sarasota, I was unemployed for quite some time.  Thankfully, I had built up quite a bit of savings to live off of so I was fine during that time.  I would look on Craig’s List for tutoring jobs.  After emailing countless tutoring companies I just gave up.  Then I worked at Chili’s for a grand total of 4 days before realizing I simply wasn’t cut out for waiting tables anymore. 

During this time I had planned on going to Myanmar and starting my own tutoring company while there.  When I went home to Illinois for a few weeks it occurred to me that I should’ve just started my own tutoring company in Sarasota.  I had plenty of contacts, a current teaching certificate in Florida.  There was no reason for not starting tutoring on my own and yet I simply didn’t take the initiative.  There is always demand for tutoring, especially for people with a teaching certificate.

In April, I came to Myanmar to work with a non-profit named Opportunities Now which works primarily with young people who are interested in starting their own businesses.  We provided training, internships and start up loans.  I absolutely love what I do and am hoping to start a school of my own in the near future.

Anyway, I had planned on starting my own tutoring business on the side while I was here.  I placed a free ad in a local newspaper and got started with my first client in 2 weeks.  I make a decent amount at it, especially for it being just a side job.  As I told Stef, the wedding isn’t going to pay for itself.

In the meantime, Stef had learned Samaritan’s Purse was planning on opening up shop in Myanmar.  We both got really excited about the potential for her to come here.  As we both should’ve known, the process for an international NGO to enter a country can be particularly difficult and more time-consuming than one might hope for.

Yesterday, it occurred to me that Stef could come over here and just take over my side business and grow it.  I have gotten 11 hours a week of tutoring just from that free ad in the newspaper.  There is such a high demand I didn’t even really have to try and got quite a few hours on my own.  Since Stef will not be working for anyone else, she can really focus on finding tutoring jobs and making a full time job out of it.

So, the moral of the story is to not wait on someone else to provide a job for you.  Take the initiative and make your own job.  There is obviously nothing wrong with working for someone else and in fact is often times preferred.  However, if you have been having a hard time finding a job, perhaps it’s time to try and create one on your own.  You don’t have to be very skilled although it does certainly help if you can specialize in something that is in high demand.  However, most anyone can cut grass or clean houses and both of those jobs require little up-front investment and are fairly easy to grow if you read a book about marketing.

It has been a lesson I have learned this year and will be applying it in the future.  I am joining a non-profit but also plan on starting my own tutoring business on the side.  If I’m going to be training entrepreneurs how to launch and run their own business than I should probably know how to do it on my own, right?

Education Models, Part 3

I didn't agree with the constant testing model so I got out of the education system.  I also felt called to the mission field but even if I wasn't I would've left regardless.  I was constantly stressed out and ironically read an article the other day that said one of the top 7 professions that can cause depression is teaching.  Probably not a good career choice for someone who has bipolar disorder.  I miss my colleagues and have the utmost respect for their determination to change the system from the inside out.  It is a daunting task and one I felt I couldn't contribute to.

I literally laughed when I thought about how some administrators in America would react to the Finnish model.  They would undoubtedly find holes in the theory and tell why it wouldn't work in the states.  They would talk about American exceptionalism and why we are better in every way.  I think if you ask teachers, parents and students though they would probably prefer the Finnish model.  The teachers are trained better, they're paid better, the model is more humane for students, etc.

Maybe the problem in education in America isn't that our teachers and students aren't working hard enough.  I know teachers who can outwork just about anyone and students who have an incredible work ethic.  Maybe the problem is with our current model that we're working from.  If the framework isn't right in the first place, how are you supposed to build a house that stands?  If our educational model isn't right, how are we supposed to nurture and train students to reach their full potential?

I will always be grateful for my time as an elementary educator in the states.  I learned an incredibly valuable skill that can be applied in many different contexts.  I had some of the best coworkers anyone could ask for.  I had the chance to teach some incredible students.

I am using the skill of teaching in my current job.  I teach young people aged 17-25 how to launch and run their own business.  In addition, I have launched my own tutoring business where I teach business professionals English here in Myanmar.

As a side note, about 6 weeks ago I did a test run with one of our people to help prepare for teaching the entrepreneurship course the following week.  He gave incredible insight and feedback during my presentation.  I commented to another coworker that I would be 10 times the teacher I was if I had received that type of feedback on a regular basis. 

I started getting feedback my last year when I was underperforming.  Prior to that my administrator visited my classroom once a year for an hour.  They were incredibly busy with other stuff and had a ton of staff to observe.  Budgets were frozen for 4 or 5 years and everyone had to do more with less.  And after being disillusioned after my first few years of teaching, I didn’t seek out feedback on a regular basis.  

Feedback is necessary for improvement in any profession though.  Even if you’re the CEO of a company, you need feedback from someone to help you see things you’re not catching.  It took me a long time to realize and appreciate the need for regular and ongoing feedback.

Students need feedback too.  Let’s just not make that feedback based on standardized tests that are predominantly multiple choice tests.  Let’s teach them how to apply what they’ve learned, and give feedback on their application.  And by application I don’t mean multiple choice tests but rather creating, analyzing, synthesizing, researching, collaborating and everything else they will need to be able to do in the 21^st century era of globalization.

Education Models, Part 2

I'm actually advocating for more difficult testing.  The problem would be that it takes longer to assess and analyze the types of testing I'm advocating for.  When I took a course in grad school (I definitely didn't finish it haha) they talked about how teachers in New York had done just that.  It was ultimately overturned though in favor of standardized tests so they could compare results across the state and across the nation.

How many times in your adult daily life are you asked to take a multiple choice test?  Does any profession require this outside of an initial assessment perhaps?  Most companies don't even do that, right?  Obviously, you're asked to perform certain duties and your performance is assessed by your superiors in some way.  I have yet to meet a professional who is assessed on a multiple choice test though.

As a professional, you're asked to execute, analyze and apply what you learned through previous research and/or experience.  You're required to add value to your company in some way.  We need to educate our students in a way where they can apply what they have learned to different scenarios.  Personally, I know teachers who are amazing at doing just that.  Their pay will not be determined by that this coming year; rather it will be based on how their students do on a standardized test.

From my limited experience as an elementary educator in the states, it seemed that many students had lost all interest in school by grade 5.  I would discuss with coworkers if it was just my students that seemed to lack motivation or what the problem was.  They would assure me many of their students had the same problems.  By the end of the year you hoped to have turned the tide for some of them but many of them had just given up already.

When I taught kindergarten the atmosphere had completely changed.  The kids were thrilled to be at school and learning new things each day.  What changed from age 5 to age 10?  Why were kids no longer interested in learning new things?  Undoubtedly, some teachers are way better at teaching 5th graders than I ever was and have a much higher percentage of their student population who are eager to be there.  However, I'm willing to bet even in the best teacher's 5th grade classroom there are some students who don't want to be there.  What happens to a child in school from age 5 to 10?

There are a myriad of reasons why 10 year olds don't have the same enthusiasm for learning as 5 year olds.  In middle and high school the problem becomes even worse as there is some ridiculous number of dropouts in our nation with the vast majority of them stating boredom was a key factor in their decision to leave high school.

In elementary school from 3rd to 5th grades, teachers and students alike dreaded the FCAT test.  That was Florida's version of the standardized test and determined how most of our school year was spent.  We spent significant chunks of time doing FCAT prep work.  There were workbooks devoted to preparing students to pass the FCAT tests in the spring.

Finally the test came and went.  Teachers and students alike were able to finally breathe better without the stress of a looming test that determined whether a third grader was going to be promoted or not, among other things.  That one test dictated our whole school calendar.  We would talk about how we could finally spend time teaching how we wanted to instead of constant test prep which we and our students despised.  An unfortunate side effect though was that many students and even parents for that matter thought the school year was essentially over after the FCAT test and as a result they didn't need to put in any more effort for the remainder of the year.

Educational Models, Part 1

I just read a fascinating article on how in Finland teachers have their students take 15 minute recesses every 45 minutes of learning.  You can find it here...http://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2014/06/how-finland-keeps-kids-focused/373544/

The author is an American educator who moved to Helsinki and tried to combine two 45 minute sessions followed by a 30 minute recess as opposed to what the other teachers were doing.  He found when he switched to the regular 45 minute session followed by a 15 minute recess his kids were able to focus better.  He did some research and found some evidence that supported this model.

I taught elementary school in the states for 7 years before I switched careers.  I can remember when I taught fifth grade begging every year for even a 15 minute recess once a day.  Our administrator assured me research showed more time in the classroom meant better performance, i.e. better test results.  I always went away defeated, thinking there had to be a better way than that.  I always felt kids should be allowed to be kids, and 15 minutes of recess on Friday wasn't sufficient for them, or me for that matter.

After a few years of teaching 5th grade, and a year in 3rd grade, I moved onto kindergarten.  We gave 5 year-olds 15 minutes of recess a day.  15 minutes a day.  I thoroughly enjoyed those 15 minutes, probably more than my students to be honest.  You got to be outside in the sunshine for part of the day.  It was great, it really was.  I just wanted more of it, obviously, and I'm sure the kids did too if I had asked them.

We have lost something of value in the American education system.  In an ever-constant push for better test results, we have neglected to treat children as human beings and not robots.  That's not to say as teachers we don't care deeply about our students, of course we do and often care more about them than just about anyone else outside of their parents.  It just makes me wonder what would happen if we weren't so driven by test results.

Not all testing is bad of course, you need to assess how students are understanding the material you're teaching them.  Most of the testing we did at the elementary level wasn't a proper assessment in my view though.  Multiple choice tests lack significant credibility in my estimation.  

Can you really determine a student's deep understanding of a subject matter by seeing if they can answer 50 multiple choice questions?  How does that prove a deep knowledge and understanding?  Wouldn't it be better to have them create something that showed they understood a subject matter?  Many teachers do this in the course of everyday learning.  

What determines the amount of scrutiny and accountability a teacher, school and school district gets though is the standardized tests.  Starting in the fall, in Florida at least, teacher pay will be largely determined by standardized test scores as well.  As I stated before, we shouldn't do away with testing at all.  

Homelessness and Housing, Part 2

Last winter in Sarasota, a woman approached me in Walmart.  She approached me because I was wearing one of those cheesy Christian sayings hoodies that I got from a random stranger, but that's another story entirely.  Anyway, she struck up a conversation with me and said she didn't understand how if Christians are going to worship side by side in heaven then why didn't we worship side by side on earth.  It reminded me of MLK Jr's saying that the most segregated hour in America is on Sunday morning.  

She had lost her job and lived in her car and said if she could just find some temporary housing it would help her get back on her feet.  My mind reeled with thoughts of if I should house her, whether my roommates would be okay with it, would she take advantage of it and stay longer than she thought she would, etc.  I ultimately decided against it, and have regretted that decision ever since.  I'm pretty sure I looked into the face of Christ that night and rejected Him.

Another time I saw a family begging by the side of the road as I was leaving Walmart so I turned around to talk to them.  They were Romanian and the dad had just lost his job.  I paid for 3 nights at their cheap hotel they were living in and paid maybe $50 for a Walmart gift card so they could buy some food.  I felt good about myself, but in the same breath realized it was just a bandaid at best.

Every time I tell friends stories of times where I've helped homeless people they always tell me to be careful.  Part of the problem with homelessness is a fear of the other, of that which is not normal in our everyday interactions.  Granted, I could get a knife drawn on me some day, but chances are if I just give them my wallet they'd let me go.

So, there are 5 houses for every homeless person, but I wonder how many bedrooms are unused in people's houses?  I know I had an extra bedroom in my house in Sarasota that I would use for couchsurfers or people on AirBnB.  Many of my friends don't have spare bedrooms because of children, but I'm sure there are many people whose children have long since moved out and as a result have empty bedrooms.

We get so insulated in our day to day living.  The beggar on the street becomes part of the background noise of our everyday lives.  We write off homelessness as something people deserve due to bad decisions and reason that some of them want to be homeless.  We drive past homeless people on the way home, get out of the car, close the garage door and forget about them.

Many homeless people, in particular veterans, struggle with mental illness; perhaps that's why I sympathize with them so easily.  Very early on I realized if I had not been raised in my family and given access to resources and modern medicine I'd be in a very scary place indeed.  Homelessness is an extremely difficult issue, if it was easy it would've already been solved by now.  What works in one city is not going to work in another.  

However, Utah has implemented an interesting program that seems to be working.  They give homeless people an apartment first and ask questions later.  They figured it was cheaper than ER visits and jail stays for the homeless.  I learned in Florida something very interesting about the homeless and jail.  Even in St. Pete, where it only gets to the freezing point a couple times a year, the crime rate goes up in cold snaps.  The homeless would rather get three meals and a bed in jail then be left out in the cold so they purposely try and get caught for crimes.  Can you really blame them?

Utah's homelessness program

The statistics are overwhelming, aren't they?  A lot of stats do that to us, they overwhelm us and then paralyze us.  We throw up our hands in defeat and say to ourselves, "There's nothing I can do about it.  It's too big of a problem."  At least that's how I feel in regard to a lot of situations.  

What I'm learning though and keep coming back to is an idea I've heard Mother Theresa quoted as saying.  Do small things with great love.  You may not be able to feed a hundred hungry people, then feed just one.  Similarly, you may not be able to house 100 people, then house just one.  Easier said than done, right?  Not something I've personally done in the past but I hope to in the future with Stef.

Homelessness is a systemic failure in my view, but it's also a failure on many other levels.  Country wide, state wide, city wide, neighborhood wide, and personally, it's a failure on every level.  It's not just in America either, it's in every country I think.  There are no easy solutions, but that mustn't keep us from trying.  Burnout is very common among missionaries and social justice workers and it's easy to see why.  What keeps you going?

Homelessness and Housing, Part 1

I came across an interesting meme the other day that said there were 24 empty houses for every homeless person.  When I saw it my jaw hit the floor.  Could that really be true I wondered?  Naturally, I posted it on my own timeline and asked if anyone knew if the stats were correct.  I got a few responses but no one really knew it seemed like so I did a basic search on the issue.  This by no means is indicative of an expert status on homelessness, I'm just a guy that did about an hour's worth of research so please bear that in mind.

What I found was rather interesting.  The stat that the picture used was based on census data that put the number of homeless people on any given night at around 650,000 or so.  Other numbers say there are up to 3,000,000 homeless people if you take into account different periods of time, not just on a single night.  

I also looked up how many empty houses there were.  I got anywhere from 16-18 million houses that are either foreclosed on and owned by the bank or something else, but it does not include vacation homes.  From my little amount of research it seems like it peaked a couple years ago at roughly 18.5 million and then has come down since then.

So, I did some basic math and found out if you took the low end on the empty housing estimates and the high end on the homeless numbers you still come out with 5 houses for every homeless person.  How is that humanly possible?  There are obviously a ton of variables and a plethora of reasons, but I'm more concerned with the implications of this.

I read one article where the author shared one of the reasons for all the extra homes is that a new suburb will crop up, people start buying the houses, and developers keep building to keep up with demand until supply outstrips demand and you end up with empty houses.  Another reason is obviously the foreclosure crisis we just went through.  I haven't researched but I know the number has to have been high for the number of people who lost their homes to a foreclosure.

This seems to me to be a failure on a systemic level.  Every society has dealt with homelessness, even Jesus Christ was homeless for a while on earth if you take one of His sayings literally.  The problem just seems more pronounced in America because of the scale.  We can't just blame the system for failing though, the blame lies with each of us.  Allow me to illustrate my point in part 2...

Treating God Like a Formula

A friend of mine recently posted a link to Donald Miller's blog.  The article was about how Miller grew up with a lot of religious formulas being taught on every Sunday morning and how he had ended up getting away from formulaic thinking.  I felt convicted instantly.

It is so easy to reduce God to a formula.  Prayer + Bible reading = God's favor, right?  If we look at it from an American perspective, it's not hard to see why we think this way.  We learn formulas in math growing up, we learn logic and reason and how to figure things out.  The American dream itself is a formula.  Hard work + pulling oneself up by their bootstraps = climbing the ladder to success and owning your own home one day.  We read books that treat relationships with others like formulas too.  If you do this or that for your spouse, they're sure to do this in return.  We're programmed to think in formulas from a very early age, and it stays with us and influences all areas of our lives, even our relationships with others and with God.

God cannot be contained by a formula though.  He cannot be put in a box.  He cannot be manipulated into doing what we want Him to do.  God is going to do whatever He wants, and bring glory to Himself in whatever means necessary.  Our human minds cannot grasp at times how He will use things for His glory, but He always does.  We cannot fathom how anything good will arise out of certain situations, until we look back 10 or 20 years down the road and realize it has been used for His glory.  As a personal story, when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I prayed every day for healing but never received it.  I later realized God used it and continues to use it for His glory by allowing me to speak truth into the lives of other people who deal with the illness.

Some Biblical passages even lend themselves to formulaic thinking, but we mustn't mistake isolated verses for overall reaching themes that run throughout Scripture.  Faith is so difficult at times.  We think one thing is sure to happen because we believed it was from God and then it doesn't happen.  Where does that leave us?

If we only put our faith in God for His blessings we are missing the point entirely.  How many times have I prayed for God to bless me with something or bless someone else with something?  There is nothing wrong with that in theory, but if we forget to pray for God to be glorified in our lives then aren't we just glorifying ourselves and putting ourselves on the throne instead of God?  I don't know, perhaps I just made a formula there.

God is so much bigger than we can even imagine.  This past week I've been in a bit of a funk.  I've decided to join NMSI full time and they sent over a budget to help me think about how much I will need to raise.  It is daunting and seems insurmountable.  In the Old Testament it talks about how sometimes the Israelites' hearts melted with fear.  That's what felt like happened to me in the beginning of the week when I saw the budget.  There is no reason for this; God has always met my needs and I'm sure He will continue to do so.

After the initial fear had passed, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt.  How had I lost my faith so quickly in God?  How could I think for even a moment that He is not big enough to take care of my needs?  God doesn't want us to stay in guilt, especially when there's a difference between guilt and conviction.  We are to be quick to repent and turn back to God with all our hearts when we sin.  So, that's what I intend to do now, let go of the guilt and turn back to God.  He is always waiting for us with open arms and we can take great comfort in that.

Living My Dreams, Part 2

Dreams are like that.  Even when you do exactly what you’ve always wanted to do, there are still difficulties and obstacles.  Often times we think if we were just doing this or that in our career; if we could just be with that beautiful woman or live in that exotic location; then everything would be perfect.

People who are older are probably chuckling by now.  No kidding they might be thinking.  There is a major difference in the generation of my parents and my generation in terms of career.  My parents’ generation and the one before them were mainly concerned with getting a job or career that provided stability for their family.  They didn’t really care if they were miserable at work, or at least didn’t care as long as it provided job security.

My generation longs for a career that makes them feel they are making a difference somehow.  We want a career that fits us and our need to contribute to the greater good.  We are not as concerned with job security, although admittedly maybe we should be more so.  There’s probably a balance somewhere between there.  My generation also jumps from job to job typically.

The way I see it, a career is going to be about a third of your life or more (8 hours a day is a third of a full day) or perhaps a little less if you don’t work weekends.  You better enjoy what you’re doing if it’s going to take up a third of your life and almost half your waking hours.  That’s my opinion at least.

What I naively thought before I chased after this dream of mine, was that it would essentially fix my bipolar disorder, I simply wouldn’t struggle with depression anymore.  How can one be depressed if you’re living your dream?  Unfortunately, bipolar disorder and depression don’t just magically go away when you pursue your dreams.

Anything worth doing is going to have its difficulties.  We see this in marriage, other relationships, sports, music and careers.  If you set your mind to do something and do it well, you are inevitably going to run into obstacles along the way.  Maybe I’m a naïve optimist, but I usually hope for things to be better.  It’s part of what keeps me going.

There’s a balance between hoping for the best and preparing for the worst or whatever may come your way I think.  I usually tend to err on the side of hoping for the best, almost to a fault.  I forget details like how every summer trip had its own difficulties.  This is because I tend to look at the past with rose-tinted glasses and forget about the hard times that I’ve had in each place. 

Anyway, I’m currently living my dream.  This is exactly where I want to be in my life.  I’m doing exactly the work I want to pursue in my future career.  Someday I want to open an entrepreneurship school, hopefully within the next 3 years.  

I love my work and find a ton of value in it.  There are still obstacles to it though.  Whether it’s self-doubt about my capacity and abilities or fighting off lingering depression, it still definitely has its own troubles.  As I mentioned before though, everything worth doing has its difficulties.  We just have to decide if it’s worth fighting for.

Living My Dreams, Part 1

For several years I felt it.  There was this longing to make some type of difference overseas.  It all started when I was probably the ripe young age of 23 I think.  I took my first mission trip with the youth group to Costa Rica for spring break, followed that summer by a trip to Kenya with some other young people.  In Costa Rica, I was more concerned with making sure the kids learned a lot and had a good time.  Kenya was different though; I fell in love with the idea of making a difference overseas.

The next few summers I would go different places, all with the goal of making a difference.  We all want to make a difference; I think that’s part of what makes us human.  After a few trips abroad, I fell in love with two things, missions and traveling.  I would usually do a 7 week mission trip and a 1 week vacation afterward.

On the second summer trip overseas, I learned about something called a gap year.  The basic idea is that when you graduate high school or college you take a year off and either travel for fun or travel and volunteer different places around the world.  When I learned of it, I instantly felt I had been duped.  Why had no one told me about this before??  It then occurred to me that it was mostly other Western countries that had young people who did that, usually not US citizens for some reason.

Shortly afterwards, or perhaps as soon as I learned about what a gap year was, I made it my goal to do one myself.  I made it a goal to travel around the world.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it or where I’d go, but I knew I was going to have to at least try.  At one point, I’m sure I was practically obsessed with the idea.

As with any idea though, there’s a difference between thinking about something and actually doing it.  On my last blog I talked about how I want to write a book, that’s a perfect example.  I think about it, but I don’t take the time needed to write my book.  Somehow when it comes to traveling though, I usually make it happen.

I learned about what a gap year was in 2007.  In 2010 I made it happen.  One of the best times of my life was my 8 month round the world trip.  It had been only a dream for years, and it finally happened.  I ended up going to 15 countries within those 8 months and had a wonderful time.  It didn’t come without its fair share of difficulties; I experienced some real times of loneliness on that trip.

Writing a book...or not

Toward the end of last year, I had this crazy idea I would write a book.  I planned it out to where if I wrote about a page a day I could finish this in the year 2014.  You know how much I've written in 2014?  0 pages so far.

I wrote a good 24-25 pages when I started back in November; I even have a great title for the book.  Somewhere along the way though, I've lost sight of my goal.  Every year I make goals, this year I will accomplish 4-5 goals out of 8; maybe 6 or 7 if I somehow get my stuff together.

Goals are a great thing.  There are many quotes about goals, one of which is very true in my case.  Goals without a plan are just wishes, or something like that.  I forget the exact saying now.  I even had a plan, so perhaps a better saying would be goals without executed plans are just wishes.

Part of the problem is I typically make goals when I'm in a manic state.  I'm hugely optimistic about my abilities, grandiosely so as a matter of fact.  There are so many things I want to do.

I also read this year on a Donald Miller blog that if you write your goals out for people to see them your mind basically tricks you into thinking you've already done the goal without actually doing anything.  More recently I read that even the act of writing them out to yourself makes you feel accomplished even when you've done absolutely nothing.  The human brain is amazing, isn't it?  Not to mention our ability to deceive ourselves.

Obviously, I still believe in writing out goals; I keep a little card with them written on it in my wallet to remind me of them often.  Now the problem lies more in executing those goals.  Or rather executing the plans that lead to accomplishing your goals.

The reason for all this talk about goals is that YouVersion (the Bible app I use) sent out an email recently suggesting people make half year goals.  I remember a campus minister who told me he couldn't fathom making goals for a whole year, he always divided them up into semesters.  That's probably part of success too, dividing goals into smaller bites you can really tackle.

So, just in case you're curious, here were/are my goals at the risk of losing the drive to accomplish them...

1.  Make my old salary that I was at from teaching (not even close on this one, but that's okay :) )

2.  Save enough money for wedding (hopefully yes!)

3.  Save enough money for cushion (hopefully!  gotta kill it this last half of the year though  :) )

4.  Write autobiography (this is the book I was talking about, which probably isn't going to happen, unless I become manic again or at least put some effort into it.)

5.  Lose 20 lbs (maybe, but does it count if I put on weight first?  If that's the case then I'll def make that goal, otherwise I still have a ways to go)

6.  Write 1 kids' book (I have a good start, but need to focus on it to make it happen)

7.  Start an English business (done!  And still doing!)

8.  Read entire Bible (Read through the NT already, well on my way to finishing up the OT, probably in a couple of months realistically)

It looks like I'll accomplish #2, 3, 7, 8 for sure; #5 is within my sights but will be particularly difficult when I'm back in the states with our portion sizes there and all the fantastic food that I have such a hard time saying no to.  #1 most likely isn't going to happen unless my tutoring business really takes off and I end up working 80 hour weeks or something crazy like that.  I'd like to do #4 and #6; I should probably focus on #6 if I'm going to give myself a realistic shot at accomplishing either one of those two goals.

So four of my goals are very doable, two are within range.  6 out of 8 isn't too bad, that's a 75% rate which is passing, right?  :)  Even if I only accomplish 4 or 5 I'll still be happy with that.  That's another thing about goal setting, you get better at it the more you do it.  It also helps to look on the bright side of things, i.e. what you've been successful at rather than what you haven't been.  Not that you should neglect those things at all, just that it doesn't do me a lot of good to focus on my failures, which I tend to do anyway.

Every Day is a Battle

A mentor of mine, both in education as well as faith, once shared this thought with me.  She told me after I tried to explain how much I was struggling that, "Every day is a battle."  It really meant a lot to me at the time she said it and continues to do so to this day.

If you've read this blog before, you know I struggle with depression on a fairly regular basis.  Lately, it has been rearing its ugly head once again.  I use my light box, I exercise, I sincerely try to think about other people's needs ahead of my own, but sometimes I still struggle in spite of all that.  It can be extremely frustrating at times.

Today, I lost the battle.  I didn't have a lot of work to do; or rather I was supposed to go on a site visit to one of our entrepreneurs with a coworker.  However, the coworker doesn't speak English, neither does the entrepreneur so I knew I was just going to be sitting there clueless.

That's just the problem though, isn't it?  We make excuses for not getting out of bed one day.  Every other day I'm able to get up and go to work, but then a day like today hits and I feel just paralyzed for some reason.  Depression is truly a debilitating disease.

It's a cycle too.  You feel bad so you sleep in.  Then you feel worse for sleeping in.  Then you beat yourself up which leads to being unproductive.  Then you beat yourself up for being unproductive.  Somehow, you've got to find a way to break the negative cycle and replace it with a virtous one.

What I find helps is if I'm able to make one decision, then I'm that much better off for the rest of the day.  If I can get out of bed and use my light box for instance, then that's a great way to start the day.  If I go to work on time, I feel much better about myself.  If I go to work I'm much more productive.  If I'm productive I feel good about myself, and so on and so forth.

What do you do though if you miss that first opportunity?  What if you don't get up and use your light box right away?  What if you stay in bed longer than you should and don't get to work on time as a result?  Well then it's very easy to get stuck for the rest of the day.

You have to eventually get out of bed, and then you have another choice to make.  Are you going to reengage in the battle for today?  I read an inspiring article the other day that talked about having non-zero days.  The idea that even if you don't do anything for most of the day, at least do something.

Take today for example.  I wasted half the day in bed.  I can still redeem the day though, or rather ask God to redeem it.  I have reading to do as part of my apprenticeship, and I've actually worked ahead this week so I only have one chapter to read today.  

Yesterday at work I had some off-time so I took advantage of it and wrote notes of encouragement to my supporters and asked for prayer requests.  That's a great use of down time and one I need to do more often.  I've already heard back from some supporters so that's something else I'm going to do today, pray.

Tomorrow I look forward to our book discussion.  What I'm loving about this apprenticeship is that we read in our field of development and economics.  Right now we're reading "Poor Economics" which is a wonderful and very challenging book.  

It's talking about a lot of the problems that face the poor and how some solutions work in certain contexts but not others.  Even the solutions that do work only have about a 50% success rate.  The book is exploring why this is.  Why is development so difficult?  It can just be maddening really.

In spite of these difficulties, I feel called to the area of development and economics.  I should've made the leap years ago.  It's a good sign of what you're passionate if you look at what you read in your free time.  For instance, when I was a teacher I rarely read books on education and instead read about development.  That should've been an obvious sign I was in the wrong field.

Anyway, I seem to be going on a tangent, as is often the case.  Let's get back to the idea that every day is a battle.  My mentor said this, and she is one of the most joyful people I've ever met.  If she struggles like this, what can I expect?  I can fully expect every day to be a battle.

The question isn't whether every day will be a battle (at times, I don't want you to think every day is a battle all the time, just in certain seasons of life); the question is am I going to engage in the battle?  Am I going to choose to pick up my sword and engage in the battle that is today?  Or am I going to give up as it is so tempting to just lie in bed and do nothing.