forks over knives

I watched a documentary the other night called Forks Over Knives which was truly fascinating.  I liked it so much that I had a friend over the next night and watched it again with him.  It basically advocates for a vegan lifestyle, although they call it a whole foods, plants based diet throughout the film.  That's probably smart on their part due to all the connotations that vegan has to go along with it.

Throughout the film, it talks about how animal protein has been shown to turn on cancer cells in rats.  It then talks about how many of our modern day diseases are solely Western diseases that have been shown to increase dramatically in a culture once their people adopt a Western diet.  Naturally, they come to the conclusion that a Western diet is the culprit.

The film was so moving and persuading I'm trying to move towards a vegan diet myself.  This has proved extremely difficult so far and I know myself well enough to know I need to take baby steps in that direction.  For instance, I'm trying to have at least one meatless day a week to start off with.  I realize this may not sound like much, but I've been hooked on meat for a long time, minus an 8 month period where I was essentially a junk food vegetarian.

I think it's just a much healthier way to live.  My roommate who watched the film with me said that Bill Clinton had adopted a vegan lifestyle after his heart problems and now looks better than he ever did in the White House.  While he was in power, he had the basic American diet that was and is still supported by American policies that subsidize the wrong things.

I've read several books about how we subsidize corn and soybeans and as a result we have farmers that only produce that crop.  I don't purport to know the answer or pretend that it's an easy one, but there's got to be something we can do.  My parents both grew up on farms so it hits close to home.  Recently, I saw with a spending bill that Monsanto received some form of protection hidden in the bill.  That's discouraging to say the least.

Forks Over Knives also talked about all the processed sugars and foods we have nowadays that are completely devoid of any nutrients.  Now we're set on finding that one essential nutrient that will solve all our problems when what we need to do is stop processing all our foods so much.  It reminds me of some time ago when I was in the grocery store and saw a box of Lucky Charms that advertised that it was made with 7 whole grains.  How can Lucky Charms claim to be healthy?  How'd they get away with that one?  Similarly, many food brands advertise 0g trans fat now.  If you look on their ingredients label, you will see astonishingly high amounts of saturated fat on there.  What would happen if they advertised that?  I'm aware of the need to advertise and market your goods, but it seems like some of these are dangerously misleading.

A couple nights after watching that documentary, I started watching Food Matters which I think advocates for a raw diet, basically the same thing as veganism only without cooking anything.  It was really interesting too but I had something else going on and so I'll have to finish watching it another day.  I really love documentaries and books that challenge the mainstream status quo.  Two of my favorite books I've ever read are Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne and Everything Must Change by Brian McLaren.  Both of those books have been largely influential in my life and as a result in my friends' lives although they don't know it.  Books and documentaries like these challenge you to think outside the box.  You may not agree with everything they have to say of course, but it at least challenges you to investigate the reasons you believe what you've always believed.

support and the individual

Later tonight, I'll be picking up my mom from the airport in St. Pete.  It got me to thinking of all the times she has stood right by my side and continues to do so to this day.  My dad does as well.  I'm very blessed in that sense.  My brother lives in Switzerland so we don't talk very often but I know that if I was ever in a pinch in Switzerland he'd help me and support me as well.  In addition to my immediate family, I am blessed with an extended family that is very supportive of one another.  Families are like that, aren't they?  They've seen all your mistakes, your flaws, your quirks and downright annoying behaviors and they love you anyways.  At least that's how it should be in my opinion.  And because God chooses to bless my socks off for some unknown reason, He has chosen to give me a church family down here in Sarasota that I love to pieces.

Family and friends that might as well be family are a huge blessing on anyone's life.  Nothing is more heart-breaking than someone who outlives all their family and friends and finds themselves all alone.  Good nursing homes do a good job at providing community and support for these people, but I don't think it's often the same as having close family and friends that you've known for most of your life.  How many times have you heard or said to yourself something along the lines of, "If it weren't for my family and friends, life wouldn't be worth living."?

When you struggle with a mental illness or an illness of any kind, it makes you realize how dependent we are on others.  A few weeks ago I was physically ill and just wanted a good woman to take care of me haha  I had one in mind in particular and let her know it but unfortunately she lives in Liberia so it wasn't exactly practical for her to take care of me.  

Life was not meant to be lived alone.  Unfortunately, that's exactly where many of us find ourselves in our highly individualized Western society.  We are by some measures the most connected people on the planet through modern day technologies.  Simultaneously, though, we find ourselves more isolated and alone than people have ever been.  When we have teenagers who are easier to have a conversation with through text messages rather than face to face we are having a serious problem.

What causes this hyper focus on the individual?  Some people would point back to the Enlightenment period as when we started focusing more on the self than on the community.  That's probably a big part of it, at least in the case of Western society, but I would argue a bigger part is that we are born into sin.  We are selfish from the start.  Just ask any parent what one of the first things their kid says when they talk.  "That's mine!!!"- they shout with their fists clenched tightly around whatever toy that they've been asked to share.  We don't really lose that all that easily as we grow older either I would argue.  It's hard to share our possessions in particular.

Our economic system is one that prizes the individual as well.  It's based on private property.  At its worst it can encourage greed and envy as well.  How do we live counter-culturally in the midst of an economic system like the one we find ourselves in?  Try sharing your stuff.  Give away something you cherish.  Take care of others when they're in need.  Hold possessions lightly.  Give more of your income away than you put towards retirement.  Live simply so that others may simply live.

marathon madness

Yesterday, a couple of bombs went off in the Boston Marathon at the finish line for those of you who haven't heard yet.  There were 3 people dead, one was an 8 year old boy, one was a 29 year old woman, and I haven't read about the third one yet.  Such a tragic event to say the least, and leaves us all with questions.

The atheist will probably take this as a time to say something along the lines of, "If God is good, than why does stuff like this happen?"  There's no easy answer to this question.  The only thing I can come up with at all is that He allows free will in mankind, and some people needlessly abuse that free will to terrorize others.  Other people will ask, "Where is God?"  Personally, I think He's spending a lot of time with people in mourning right now.  When Jesus was incarnate, he spent a lot of time entering others' suffering, weeping right alongside other loved ones.

It broke my heart to hear that media vans had all pulled up in the 8 year old's family's yard and driveway.  Why must we have an interview right away?  Is that not pouring a huge dose of salt on a very fresh wound?  Why would you do that to a family who just lost an 8 year-old son?  That just doesn't make any sense whatsoever to me.  Are good ratings of such importance that you're not going to allow a family to grieve an unimaginable loss?  Give them some space, please.

Tragedies like yesterday's marathon really put things into perspective, don't they?  They have a way of making us realize what's really important.  Things like those force us to strip away the petty everyday stuff that we let get beneath our skin and make us grateful that we survived another day.  There are no certainties in life except death itself, and when you start realizing that you're not as invincible as an 18 year-old boy typically thinks themselves as, it makes you examine your life.  Are you living a life worth living right now?  Are you living a life worth imitating?

It also disturbs me how newscasters are suddenly experts on terrorism.  I watched several interviews on Roku (which is another blog altogether btw) and in several of them the newscasters acted like they had some unwarranted authority on the subject of the bombings.  One in particular, was interviewing some counter-terrorist guy who clearly knew about the situation better than she.  She asked questions though as if he was a complete moron who was nothing more than a mere passerby.  Her arrogance was truly baffling in a time like this.

How can we work for peace in the midst of this type of tragedy?  How can we live up to our calling as peacemakers?  I don't know how that works but I'm willing to learn.  I do know though that peace by the sword as the Romans practiced it and now America practices isn't truly a peace at all but a false sense of security that is shattered at times like these.  

reconnecting and disconnecting

Today, I met with my pastor and a mutual friend of our's.  My pastor knew him from college and I had met him at a summer camp one summer as we were both on staff there.  He is a dear friend and I love that he might be down here as soon as June if he gets a job he interviewed for.  Tomorrow, I'm supposed to meet him to go fishing in St. Pete so I'm looking forward to that as well.

For those of you who may be asking yourselves, "What about his job?  Doesn't he have to go to work?"  Well, I've decided to take a leave of absence starting today.  It was a decision that was a long time coming.  It seems that this depression has taken over a lot of me.  It has stripped me of my ability to focus on teaching work.  Furthermore I am unable to be animated in front of a classroom long enough to hold the students' attention.  This is why I've reached the decision that my students deserve better than what I'm currently able to give them.  As I was leaving work today from having my principal sign my leave paperwork, I couldn't hold back the tears as I thought of my kids and how I wanted to see them and hold them tight but knew that I couldn't without absolutely losing it.

It breaks my heart that I have to leave my kids like this.  The truth of the matter though is that I can't take care of myself well enough in order to be the teacher that I need to be for my little ones.  Depression isn't like a broken arm or leg or head injury that's visible.  People can tell something's wrong with you then.  Depression is something that is silent, that imprisons a person in their own mind and in their own world and cuts them off from important relationships if they're not careful to guard against it.

It's hard to not feel all alone in dealing with this.  The other night I watched a youtube video about famous people who had struggled with bipolar disorder.  It was pretty interesting to say the least and was very encouraging that others had dealt with this issue and still led successful lives.  That seems like the opposite of where I am right now though.  In place of success all I see is myself as an abject failure.  A teacher who doesn't teach doesn't do a whole lot of good.  Friends try and remind me that I teach in a Title 1 school and it's a tough population but I don't buy that.  This is my seventh year of teaching.  I was completely fine for about the first four years.  

The last three years though, depression has hit and taken over my life right around this time of year.  Why does this seem to get tougher to deal with as I get older instead of easier?  Shouldn't I be able to handle this condition by now??  I've been bipolar since I was 17, almost half my life now, and I still struggle with the depression episodes like I do?  As you can see, I have a very difficult time with not feeling sorry for myself and having pity parties.  When I'm stable I know the reason I suffer is to help others through their times of depression or times of being diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  When I'm going through it though, it's hard to find the purpose of suffering silently.  It's hard to see that God will ultimately use this for His glory, that in my weakness He is strong.  Paul said he would boast in his weaknesses that Christ might be glorified.  Maybe I write for the same reason.

Writing is therapeutic for me for whatever reason.  It can bite me in the butt though.  A certain someone at my school read one of my entries and thought I was going to end my own life.  Apparently, she told several others at my work her conclusion and it ultimately got back to me.  So, I did the mature thing and unfriended her on facebook just to see if she'd notice.  I don't think she ever did because she didn't say anything about it.  It's just frustrating when people don't understand.  It's even more frustrating when you're being gossiped about.  We all do that of course, but it still stings when it gets back to you.  Anytime you have a community of any sort be it church or a workplace or anything, gossip is usually not too far behind.

living generously

For the past school year, and many times before that, I've been asking God to stretch me as a giver and help me to live a generous lifestyle.  This past week that has been challenged to be frank.  A guest came to my house and I told her she could borrow my car if I could get my hands on my friend's scooter.  Thankfully, my friend was able to lend me his scooter and so I was able to lend my guest my car.  All part of living generously, right?

Well, then some costs came in.  The scooter wouldn't start on Saturday so I had to walk and bike places, not too big a deal since everywhere I had to go was within a few miles, but still an inconvenience.  Then the scooter broke down on me after my friend got it working again on Sunday when I was halfway home, so I had to push the darn thing home.  It ended up that I blew a piston somehow and so now my friend's scooter is pretty much shot.  He's generous too, thankfully, and so I know he won't hold it against me.  It's still hard not to feel bad about it though.

In the meantime, I've had my guest drive me to school and pick me up so she can continue to use my car.  I believe I'm blessed with the gift of giving, which is part of the reason I continually ask to be stretched in that area.  I have to admit though, that's it's been tough this past week.  It's easy to give when it's convenient, it's much harder to do so when it costs you something, isn't it?  Whether it's like my friend who is out of a scooter now, or myself who has to be dropped off and picked up at school like a student, giving can be very difficult when it costs you something.

A car represents freedom in American culture, and you really realize why when you don't have one at your beck and call at all times.  It really makes life more convenient overall, being able to do whatever you want whenever you want to.  People say it's the same, only magnified of course, when people have kids.  They say it makes you realize just how selfish you really are as a person when someone else's life is depending on you all of a sudden.

All that to say, living generously is something that is learned over time.  For most of us it doesn't come naturally, and if it does there are times when that will be tested as well.  As for me, I will continue to pray to God to make me a more generous giver in all aspects of my life.  It is only by the Spirit that one can be truly generous at all times.  Otherwise it's merely goodwill, which does nothing to change the heart of a person.  True generosity effects change within another person as something inside them tugs at their heart and makes them want what you have.  

money making

During reading block today, I read a story to my students entitled Pig Pig Gets a Job that was a cute story about a little pig who wanted to make money.  The mother pig asked him why he wanted to make money and he said he wanted to buy something.  His mother then asked him what he wanted to buy to which he replied he didn't know but just knew he wanted to have the money to either save or buy something.

It got me to thinking of how much we are like that little pig in the story.  What reason do we give kids for staying in school?  So they can get a good job.  And why would they want to get a good job?  So they can have money to buy stuff.  This is all well and good, until you probe a little deeper.  I downloaded a sample of a book about money secrets from the Amish that starts out saying the Amish were about the only people group in the USA not effected by the financial crisis.  I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the book, but basically it seems like they're very good with their money.  We need to make our kids ask why it's important to make money in the first place.  Maybe why is it important to work is a more appropriate question.

In the past I've been accused of being idealistic for questioning the basis of capitalism.  In my limited understanding of capitalism, it's an economic system based on everyone looking out for their own needs and making money to meet those needs.  Furthermore, it's very profit driven particularly when you get to a purer sense of capitalism and closer to globalization.  I just bought another book called Small is Beautiful with the subtitle of 'Economics as if People Mattered.'  From what I can tell it proposes the idea of local economies of scale as being better for everyone involved.  Anyways, I've been called idealistic for questioning how wise a system is if it's built around the necessity of profit-making as opposed to pursuing the common good.  What about people who want to live for the benefit of others?  You can do both at the same time of course, but does making money pollute the purity of working for others?

Lately, I've looked for some creative ideas for making some extra money on the side.  I started tutoring after school one day a week, I've started renting out a bedroom through AirBNB, and I've signed up to run ads on this blog which I'm still waiting on them to get back to me about.  AirBNB has been of particular enjoyment as it's essentially the same as couchsurfing only there's the exchange of money involved.  People actually pay me to stay at my house.  Now, I'm willing to host people for free of course like I already do for couchsurfing, but if people want to pay me to stay here who am I to say no?  :)  It helps me too aside from the money because I've found myself being a lot more conscientious as a host to make my guests feel at home and welcome.  Perhaps it's because I haven't gotten hardly any reviews so far and want to make sure I leave a good impression, who knows?  Or maybe it's because they're paying me and so I feel a little more obligated to provide a really good experience for them.

There's two sides to the coin, isn't there?  On the one side not everything should be done for money, because it can easily cause dilution of the purity of an objective.  On the other side, if everything is free, then people don't take ownership of things and keep them nice and take care of them.  Take government housing as a prime example.  You essentially give people free housing and after a few years the places are run down and dilapidated.  Than there are people who spend way too much on a house and spend a ridiculous amount on their mortgage and furthermore on endlessly fixing it up.  Is it Lowe's or Home Depot that has a commercial that says 'Never Stop Improving'?  How much money can people spend on remodeling their homes?  Of course, a house is an investment and as such should be improved somewhat to make money back on your original investment.  It's just a tough pill to swallow when so many people in this country are homeless, ya know?  

So what's the way forward?  I don't know to be honest, but I have a feeling it somehow revolves around Jesus and His ways.  Some of the Christian leaders in finance that I listen to talk about how the Bible talks about money and how to handle it.  Most of the time I agree with them but sometimes I wonder if we're all missing the point and what the New Testament says about money and economics.  The first Church provided for everyone's needs, they ended poverty in a very real way.  Not to mention some of Christ's teaching on money.  He tells a parable about one guy building barns which sounds an awful lot like our modern day ideas of retirement, He tells His disciples in another place that a poor widow who threw in her mite threw in more than all the Pharisees who were giving much bigger amounts.  Food for thought, anyways.

teaching writing

In the morning, we had a training on how to teach writing to our kindergarteners.  I found it helpful but especially like the curriculum we're now using.  This lady name Lucy Caulkins has written a series of books to help with the writing process for elementary students that are fantastic.  A coworker has come in and done several lessons with my students and I do a few with them here and there as well.  It can be a lot of work, particularly at first, but the kids are loving writing and that's really saying something since a lot of them came in not knowing how to hold a pencil.

This curriculum is so good that even I don't panic when I'm about to teach writing.  Writing has to be up there as one of my least favorite subjects to teach in the past.  Apparently, it was simply because I didn't have a good guide to go by.  Now that I do have a good guide to go by, I'm really enjoying it.  

Today when I was teaching writing later in the afternoon after our training was over, I showed my students this blog and showed them that even as an adult I still love to write and express my ideas.  We talked about how some authors even make money from their writing; this of course perked their ears up.  Whenever I ask who likes money you can rest assured that every hand will go up at once.

Also today, I got them all these really nice folders for their writings to keep them in one place.  They really loved them and I told them how a blank folder represented endless possibilities for their writings.  "Just think of how many cool stories you're going to fill this with?!"  It's funny how a simple blank folder can really get them fired up for some reason.  Plus it was raining cats and dogs today and we had a sub in the morning so they were pretty wound for sound anyway.

A high school English teacher told me that somewhere between kindergarten and high school a lot of students lose their love of writing.  I wonder why that is.  Is it simply seen as uncool all of a sudden?  I know of at least one middle school that has a creative writing course that looked like it garnered some interest in the writing process and like the kids really loved it.

I've always enjoyed writing personally, and do it fairly frequently, both with this blog as well as journal entries to God that are essentially prayers that I pray.  It has always helped me to focus my prayers for some reason.  It helps me focus for other things too as mentioned in a previous blog entry.  It's such a great vehicle to express my thoughts and explore some things worth considering.  It really helps me process some things that I'm currently reading, or process through feelings or whatever else I may be going through.  

A friend of mine recently told me I should write a book, and it's something that I've thought about before.  She said it could really be an encouragement to a lot of people.  Sometimes I forget that I live a fairly unique life with the bipolar stuff as well as all the travel experiences I've had.  We'll see, maybe someday, right?

misfiring systems

Up until about a week ago, I was doing really well overall in terms of my moods.  Then I got a head cold, followed by a flu bug or a relapse of malaria or something where I lost a ton of weight in a very short time period.  With being sick, I stopped exercising and with all the 'outflow' we'll call it I think my medicine levels have been off the last couple of days.  This is bad news as it can really effect the rest of my body and henceforth my mental stability.

I'm really hoping to get my feet back under me today and for the rest of the week, I really need to be able to go to work and stay there.  I need to be there for my students and for me.  I had a rough start this year but have come to an understanding with my students who have behavior problems and missing school throws them off their structure as you can imagine.  

This afternoon I went for just a half hour walk to try and get some strength back.  I'm definitely not up to running again quite yet, but hopefully that will come back soon too.  I also did a Jillian Michael's workout DVD right before I got my head cold that I'd like to get back into doing here pretty soon as well.  I was honestly feeling like a million bucks a week ago prior to this Sunday before I had a head cold.  After finishing my DVD with Jillian I had released some adrenaline or endorphins or whatever and felt great, I think this is what runners speak of when they get a runner's high.

This past week has really landed me flat on my butt again, particularly this past weekend with getting really sick and losing so much weight so fast.  Now, I had room to lose weight of course, just not like that where it's going to come back as soon as I start feeling better.  Hopefully I can get feeling well again physically so I can do the things I need to do to help me feel better mentally also.  Like it or not, our bodies are systems that are fully integrated in my opinion, if one of them is misfiring it's going to effect the other ones.  That's why balance is so important.

Those of you who are prayer warriors I could sure use some extra prayers right about now.  Prayers for physical and mental healing are always appreciated.  Thanks all..

sick and tired of it!

This past weekend was a rough one to say the least.  I dropped 6 pounds in a 24 hour period by way of water weight.  Thankfully, I'm very rarely sick but when I am, let me tell you the world is about to end!  I'm told I'm not the only man that acts like this, like I said thankfully it doesn't happen very often.  I complained to about anyone who would listen, but now I think I'm finally better and ready to go back to work tomorrow.  Can't wait to see my little ones!  Even if there's a good chance it was one of them that got me sick haha  Oh well, I won't hold it against them I suppose.

My prayers on Saturday consisted of about one thing, a prayer for healing.  Man I hate being sick like that.  I don't know anyone who enjoys being sick, there's not like there's ever a convenient time for it to happen, although I will say I'm happy it happened on the weekend when I was home and not at school this time.  It seems like I've been sick a lot lately, both mentally and physically.  Last week, I had a head cold all week so I was unable to work out, just as I was finally getting in the groove of things again.

My utmost respect to people who have to suffer through some sort of constant pain.  I can't imagine how they do it.  I know I'm a baby when I'm sick, I would be just a terrible person to be around if I were in constant pain.  Some people manage it though.  And other people get addicted to pain medication through the process.

Last year, I had a hernia for a few days and that was some immense pain.  They gave me some serious pain medication which I was extremely careful with since I knew they were so easy to get addicted to.  Yeah, all in all these few short times of being sick really serve to make me grateful for that which I most often take for granted, my health.  

Being healthy is a gift from God, and one He usually chooses to bless the young with, although that sometimes depends on where you live when you're born.  As His body, though, I believe it is our duty to bring healing to the nations, both spiritually and physically.  I have some friends doing amazing work in third world countries and some more who are about to go out on the mission field.  They are just doing some awesome work for God and I'm excited to see how their health education in specific regards to sanitation will cut down on diarrhea and other preventable diseases.  There is good in the world, in spite of what news stations would have us believe.