It has come to my attention recently that I still, despite all my attempts to remedy the situation, have quite the tongue and ability to hurt those who I care about the most. One person brought this up to my attention several weeks ago in regards to something that I had written her an email about. Another person brought it up about something else I said recently. In both cases, I struck a nerve that I had not intended to strike at all and felt like a complete idiot both times after realizing what I had said/done.
This has happened all my life, really. Well, at least since high school to be sure. I had quite the cutting tongue in high school with some friends and could easily tear someone to pieces when I chose to do so. For some sick reason, I even took pleasure in it to a certain degree. Now, I look back on those times and I shudder. Part of the cutting tongue I used to possess must have stayed with me though, because even to this day, though I don't mean to anymore, I still rip people to shreds with no intention of doing so. This is something I loathe about myself, and something I need to constantly work on. In James it talks about how a rudder is only a small part of a boat yet it steers the entire ship and in much the same way a tongue is only a small part of the human body and yet it can steer the whole 'ship' as it were off course.
This is not just about swearing, obviously. I don't agree with swearing much either, although I do partake at times for reasons of humor more than anything else. That is something I need to work on as well though, not swearing so much. What I'm mainly focusing on here is the way in which a person can use words to hurt someone deeply. To be completely honest, this is something I truly fear in regards to a future relationship with a significant other or wife someday. I know myself well enough to know that my words can cut to a person's heart with little effort on my part. Does everyone have this ability I wonder? If so, how does one keep from using it? When they're able to control that part at least, how do they control the words that hurt someone they love when they don't even intend for them to do so?
Maybe some guidelines would be advisable to adhere to in regards to this matter. First, and this is one I should know more than most since I teach kindergarten, think before you speak. So many times I am so quick to share my opinion whether it has been sought after or not. I would be better served to think longer about a subject before I spout off something that I think has relevance to the situation at hand. Secondly, is what I'm about to say going to lift someone up or tear them down? Third, is what I'm about to say going to be said in a loving manner and does it bring glory to God? Those are at least some good starter questions. Most of the time though, I just say whatever is in the front of my mind and on the tip of my tongue.
So, to all of you whom I may have hurt over the past few weeks or in the past at all for that matter, I sincerely apologize. Please don't hesitate to bring it up with me as I'm usually pretty clueless when I hurt others with my words. Therefore, it would help both of us if you brought it up with me right away so I can learn how to better use my words to encourage others rather than to discourage them.
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