Well, it's Friday night and as such I had my usual weekly after Friday two hour nap. I'm blessed enough to love my job for the most part, but on Friday's I'm typically beyond exhausted. Those little rugrats wear me out! I'm hoping to also get some planning done tonight as I have a fairly busy weekend ahead, but I wanted to take a minute and write first.
God has truly blessed my life in all areas. I try and give back to Him and His kingdom generously, but as my preacher growing up used to say, "Just try and out-give God, see what happens." That has been so true this past year as I've tried to be stretched as a giver, and this shouldn't really surprise anyone but He has been faithful in out-giving me, just like my preacher used to say. In years past, I've had several people tell me they think I possess the gift of giving. Books like strength finder and other books tell you to try and grow in your strengths, so that's exactly what I've tried to do, particularly this past year or so. God has been so faithful through it all, and best of all I get to hear what my missionary friends whom I support are doing so that's a double blessing if you ask me. They're blessed by being able to go to the field and I'm blessed by hearing about what God's doing in the world through them.
Speaking of which, last Thursday or Friday, I got to catch up with a dear friend of mine who is now living in Kenya. She is an incredible woman of God doing great things for the kingdom, and I only wish we would talk as often as we try to. I want to say though that it had been almost a year since we talked, even though we have played facebook tag many times between those times. She's in the midst of her third year over there and is just now starting to see some of the things come to fruition that she originally went over there for. In missionary life, as in everyone's life, things often take longer than we originally expect them to.
Of course, if you're a Christian, technically you're a missionary no matter where you live. We are called to spread the gospel no matter where we currently live. Who are you currently pouring life into? Who is your disciple? If we're called to make disciples and everyone knows the great commission, than why aren't more people discipling others? It's not hard usually. All it takes is a willing heart and a little commitment of time. The best part is that you get to see a person grow in their spiritual lives. Sure, they'll get knocked down sometimes, just like we all do, but I promise you that if you invest life into another person you will see growth that will bless you at the same time it blesses them.
For the past year or two, I've taken the time to pour into another person who is a new believer. As my mentor in college used to say, we learn just as much as the person we're discipling. He has been a huge blessing on my life and I've learned so much from meeting with him on a regular basis. I've seen his life transform and his marriage become healthier. It has been so awesome to watch and be a small part of it. Jesus and the Holy Spirit are in the business of transforming lives and it's incredible to watch it.
My own life has been transformed as well, and continues to be so. For the past year, I've suddenly had a desire to be in a relationship with a woman. This certainly was not of my own accord, and to be honest I've even prayed against it at times. Slowly, though, I'm coming around to it as not being such a terrible idea. I just really struggle with thinking about bringing my bipolar into a relationship still. I was dating someone for a few months in the early part of last year. Simultaneously, though, I was going through an episode of depression. As it turns out, it's very difficult to date someone while you're going through depression, and even harder when they live in Japan. She was/is an incredible woman, but I suppose it just wasn't meant to be. Here's a tip for all of you looking to get into a relationship...try to date someone who is at least living on the same continent. We had a 12 or 13 hour time difference, so it was really hard to find a time when we could Skype. We had started talking again just as friends when I returned from Turkey, but this proved too difficult for her to bear. I miss her friendship dearly to be honest, but I understand why it had to be done. Sometimes it just hurts too much to hang on.
Now I'm not particularly looking for a relationship, but am open to the idea at least. I go through these phases where I'll really want a relationship, but inevitably that time passes and I get back to being fine on my own again. Not sure what that means, except that maybe I'm just not ready quite yet. I was on Christian Mingle for a while and still am technically, but now I can't email anyone because I didn't renew that level of membership. If someone worthwhile emails me maybe I'll get back on there, but it's quite a bit of money in my opinion.
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