Unconditional Respect

I just finished the book titled Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs and wanted to share some thoughts I had about it.  I didn’t agree with the whole book but did like certain aspects of it, including the emphasis on respect for the man in the marriage.  Seems like most marital problems try to be solved by counselors by just focusing on love, love and more love but neglecting the man’s need for respect.

Women need respect too of course but it really seems to fuel a man’s drive to succeed in the workplace and at home.  He talked about the idea of unconditional respect which sounds absurd to our postmodern ears.  People have to earn respect we yell back, but he brings out some good arguments from Scripture.  Just like women would balk at the idea of having to earn love, the same notion applies to having to earn respect.

Even if your man doesn’t do much that you find worthy of respect, if he is a good-willed man there ought to be something you can find that is worthy of respect.  Even if not, it’s commanded in Scripture so we can’t simply excuse ourselves even if we think no one can respect that man.

Same goes for loving a woman.  People might be tempted to say, “No one can love that woman!” but that’s simply not true.  She may drive you crazy to be sure, but if she’s a good-willed woman at her core than we must admit there is something to love about her.  Also, the same goes for the commandment part of it, loving your wife isn’t optional.

He also brought up how many men withhold love hoping it will gain them respect.  Many women withhold respect hoping it will gain them love.  Neither of these strategies work.  Then we get on what the author terms the Crazy Cycle and the man withholds love and the woman withholds respect.  Both should take the initiative rather than saying the other should make the first move.

I read this book more as preventative maintenance.  I read books that interest me and that I hope apply to my life.  I figured since I’m married now this book would apply.  There are some good principles to apply both now and in the future.  Thankfully I feel like I love Steffani well and she respects me well.  It comes naturally as of now.  It may not always be that way so this book will be useful if we ever find ourselves on the Crazy Cycle as described in the book.  I would recommend this book to anyone who is married or engaged.  It didn’t address all parts of marriage but I really don’t think any marriage book would be able to do that.  For the parts that it does address though it has some great thoughts.