School Year in Review

This week was the last week we had students, hallelujah! As many of you know, I've had quite the year with my students and couldn't wait for it to end. It was a very difficult and challenging year to say the least and one in which I thought it would never end. There were some good things that did come out of this year though and I'll try and share those thoughts here.

First, I came to realize in a new light my deep reliance on my Savior, Jesus Christ. Every day my prayer was the same in the car ride to school, "God, give me the strength to get through today." I mean, they were just simply cries of desperation to get through the day because that's all I could muster. I became acutely aware that I could not manage life without Him. This has been the case my whole life and is the case even for agnostics and atheists but until we come to the place where we acknowledge our dependence on Him we are lying and living in a false reality. This false reality may be filled with pleasure and all that life has to offer but ultimately it leads to dissatisfaction and emptiness.

Second, I hate depression. I've been battling it all this year and absolutely hate it. The only good that comes out of it is that, as stated before, it makes me realize how dependent on God I am. There have been many times this year when I've taken naps after school in addition to getting 8 or 9 hours of sleep a night. This is abnormal for a 27 year-old but probably quite normal for those fighting depression. It drains you of all your energy and is very unforgiving in that aspect. Depression has effected my attitude in a huge way to where I have felt like a failure most of this year (and getting our FCAT results yesterday certainly didn't help any.) Feeling like a failure is tough and gets you into a rut that seems impossible to climb out of. Even in the midst of all my friends pointing out very positive things about me I still cling to these false notions of being a failure in about every area of my life. Perhaps the worst part about depression is the complete lack of energy that accompanies it. I'm simply unable to do as much in any given day when I'm depressed. I hate the way I interact with others when I'm depressed as I always feel like I'm bringing them down. No one likes a Debby Downer and that is what I've been many times to my friends this year. There have been a few times where I felt like I was finally finished with depression but it was usually during mini-vacations when I was on a natural high from traveling.

This year has been good in the sense that I've taken some sort of a vacation every single month except March. I have met some amazing people in my travels and feel I am a better person for having seen the sights I've seen and experiencing some really cool things. I hiked a volcano and roasted marshmallows by means of lava in Guatemala; skydove, snowboarded, and surfed in San Diego; saw a fantastic Broadway show in New York City; checked out Washington D.C. for the first time since I was a little kid; heard Tony Campolo speak for 8 hours on a visit to Philadelphia; and saw some beloved family and friends in Illinois. I am very grateful for having experienced all of these things this year and count it a major blessing to not currently have any debt to my name. Having no debt is truly a blessing from God alone and I am continually grateful to Him for that gift. All these vacations have kept me sane this year, without them I might just have fallen over the edge :)

It's also been a good year to be a part of a church plant that my friend Ryan has started. We're called Cooper Creek Christian Church and meet at a movie theatre on Sunday mornings, how cool is that?! It's been cool to see people meet each other and serve together and just have a good time together. I've been in charge of the high school students and have enjoyed getting to know them a little deeper as we have tried some different things like Bible studies but also simply preparing a meal together and eating it as a means of community building. I'd like to do more for this church this coming year and Ryan wants me to spend a year coming on board but I think I will be content with volunteering for the church in my free time.

I have developed a whole new level of perseverence this year. I never thought I would've made it through this year but with God's help I did it! There were many times this year where I felt like quitting my job but I thankfully didn't. Sometimes you just have to stick it out in the difficult times and grin and bear it. My friends and parents have been a tremendous help in this area as they have listened to me gripe about my job countless times but have always reminded me to be grateful for a job in this economy. This has been a difficult year but I am stronger for making it through this year at long last.

I've also read a lot more than usual this year I feel like. I've read more magazines and books and it has been good to set aside the time and really devour a good book time and again. This is probably a direct result of not having access to TV since December at my place.

This has also been a better year for running and working out. Admittedly, I'm not nearly as consistent as I'd like to be but I have gotten better, probably from living very close to my friends who run on a consistent basis. I've also swam a lot more this year because my good friend Kyle works as a lifeguard and lets me swim for free which is awesome!

Well, I leave very shortly for the summer and will probably update this blog more during that time like I did last summer. Maybe I should make it a goal to have a blog once a week. Of course, the problem with that is that once I start typing/writing I don't typically stop for quite some time, as you've probably guessed by now :)