rough week

This past week was pretty rough, and I definitely made it worse on some accounts.  My students were crazy on Monday through Wednesday, in my opinion because I had a sub on Monday morning for a training I had to go to and so they were thrown off schedule.  Later in the week I had to ask one of my roommates to leave because I kept smelling pot in the house.  It made me wonder how in the world I could ever handle the stress of a wife and kids.  I mean, I went back to eating unhealthy and drinking calories like I'm trying to get over in such a short period of time.  I stopped exercising as much as I was previously and I started sleeping a lot more which I hate when I do that.  Those are all the wrong ways of how to handle stress, and I know better like everyone else; it's just a matter of doing what's best for you when those stressful times happen instead of spiraling downward like we're all prone to do.

For a while there, I had a membership on Christian Mingle.  I'm still on there apparently, even though I don't pay the membership level.  There's no real point to it actually now that I think of it, except to remind myself that there are women out there who are single and meet my criteria.  For the time being though, I'm really trying to work on some issues of my own so I don't bring them into a relationship.  Plus this whole business of dating can just be exhausting, time consuming, and last but not least especially in my book, expensive.  Traveling is expensive, to be sure, but that's something that I really enjoy.  Dating, not so much.  Yeah, for the time being I think I'll just live vicariously through others' dating lives.  It's much more humorous when it's not me in the relationship and I can see how crazy it makes a person.  And, like I said before, I'm just not sure how I would handle the stress of a relationship and if things work out how I would handle the stress of kids.  I realize that's kind of skipping a few steps there, but in my opinion the whole point of dating is to find a mate.  Before, I used to take a much more cavalier approach to dating and just wanted to date to have fun.  It occurred to me fairly quickly though that the women whom I was attracted to wanted much more from a dating relationship than to just have fun.  So, I took myself off the market basically because I didn't want to lead anymore women on than I already had.

Lately, it seems like a lot of my friends have either gotten divorced or seem to be very unhappy in their marriages.  Why is it so hard to be married?  Even people who are happily married say it's the hardest thing they've ever had to do.  So why bother?  Why even bother with it?  I mean, only half or a little over half even stay together for the long haul.  And of the marriages that do last, how many have two people who are actually happy living with the other person?  I know I sound pessimistic there, but it just seems like it's an awful lot of trouble to go to just to try and stave off loneliness.  As my pastor has told me numerous times, marriage doesn't stave off loneliness even, so what's the point than?  And why in the world do I find myself wanting a relationship somewhere down the road when all of the stuff I just mentioned is staring me in the face??  It's frustrating, ya know?