Full disclosure, I meant to write this last month and it was going to be 7 lessons in 7 months so I might have to stretch to find the 8th lesson :)
1. Love and cherish your wife regularly.
It is a daily choice to love and cherish your wife; not just in the wedding vows. Thankfully, we now have Google for creative dates on the cheap to impress her with in case we’re not feeling particularly creative.
2. Do the chores
Touched on this in a previous post about serving your wife. Sometimes the best way to love your wife is simply by doing the chores that you are really not wanting to do that particular evening.
3. Listen to her heart.
I heard a sermon last year that talked about how men need to engage their wife’s heart on a regular basis. He suggested to do this by asking your wife, “How is your heart?” and then the man has to shut up and just let her talk. This has been vital for us as a couple because Steffani simply doesn’t share as much as I do on a regular basis since she’s introverted but when I ask this question it helps her process what’s going on in her heart and lets me in a little deeper than the usual day to day stuff.
4. Make her laugh.
I love to make Steffani laugh. This is especially true if she’s upset with me for some unknown reason. Well, usually I know the exact reason she’s mad at me but that’s besides the point :) If I can make her laugh sooner than she wants to it makes everything smooth over that much quicker. She tells people she wants to stay mad at me and so it kind of drives her crazy but I know she really appreciates it down deep.
5. Don’t try to ‘win’ an argument
Here’s a question my friend Ryan always used to ask from the pulpit…”If you ‘win’ an argument, what does that make your spouse?” Obviously, it makes your spouse a loser, and no one likes to feel like a loser. You may win the argument but you’re setting yourself up to lose the much more important battle of taking on the world with your spouse. You’re on the same team so the goal should always be to reconcile, not to win.
6. It takes 2 to have an argument
My dear friend Mary said in her premarital counseling their pastor said if one person is fired up it’s best for the other person to remain silent for a while to help put out the fire. Fire needs oxygen so if you hold your breath it helps put out the fire. This is obviously different than the silent treatment as you still will deal with it but if one person is fired up do all you can to not be fired up at the same time. This is way easier to suggest rather than to actually practice for me btw.
7. Who is going to die?
A friend just told me this idea the other day. He said he was complaining to a friend early on in his marriage that he didn’t want to have kids and his wife did. His friend calmly responded, “Well who is going to die?” - meaning who was going to die to themselves in that situation? Steffani doesn’t want kids yet but she certainly will want them sooner than I will and I will have to ‘choose to die’ to myself in that discussion. Thankfully she told me I have two years before she’s ready so I think I might be ready by then :)
8. Stuff I thought most everyone knew it turns out not everyone knows :)
This has been a little running joke between Steffani and I and I hope I don’t get into too much trouble throwing her under the bus here. Eggs are not a dairy product and all peanut butter is vegan by definition. That’s all I’ll say about that since she’s knows what I’m talking about :) Love you Honey :) To be fair there’s a hilarious YouTube clip of Jimmy Kimmel asking people who claimed to live a gluten free lifestyle what gluten was and none of them knew the answer.
Click here for some great laughs!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdJFE1sp4Fw
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