When I got this in an email from a friend at church, I had to laugh out loud as I read it at my desk at school. It's so true it's not even funny. I will say I tend more toward the side of hating being bipolar rather than thinking it's awesome, but when I'm manic I would for sure tell you that it's awesome, without a doubt. Right now, though, I hate it. It seems like winter's are particularly difficult to deal with in regards to the bipolar stuff. You can probably guess which extreme I struggle with in the winter, right? Depression, of course. A few weeks ago I was getting pretty down, than I managed to fight it off thankfully for a while, then it hit me like a sack of bricks today for some reason again. There are certain things you can do to prevent it or prevent it from getting worse, which I'm trying to employ now. Sometimes, though, no matter how much you do, you will still experience it if you're bipolar.
Bipolar is a huge part of who I am. You see, I've had it since I was 17 I think, so it was there when I was trying to figure out who I was as a person in adolescence and early adulthood when you're shaping who you're going to become for the rest of your life. Sometimes, I let it get to be too big of a part of who I am, though. This isn't as true as it once was, I'm getting better at it; but sometimes I feel like being bipolar outweighs my being a Christian and that simply must not be. Christ defines who I am. Other things, like being bipolar, try to define who I am; but ultimately Christ alone is my ultimate 'definer' if that's even a word.
There's a book I've read on the subject of being bipolar, entitled "The Bipolar Advantage." It had some interesting perspectives, some of which I disagreed with whole-heartedly. But being bipolar does have some advantages in my opinion, just not the ones the author mentioned in that book. Having a mental illness of any sort makes one realize how weak they are, and thankfully in my case how much I need a Savior. It makes me realize that I cannot conquer this on my own, that I desperately need help in this area and all areas of my life for that matter. It protects me from feeling invincible all the time. It humbles me before my God and reminds me to turn to Him in times of trouble. It reminds me that God chooses to use our weaknesses to work through, as I've been able to give several other people hope that they can lead a fairly normal life in spite of being bipolar or whatever their mental illness might be. It reminds me that God is on the throne of my life, not me. Except for when I'm manic, of course, in which case I've been known to claim I was Jesus Himself; don't worry, I've asked for forgiveness several times and if God can't understand that I was in a wild state of mind than I don't think He'd be a God I could serve.
For those of you new to this blog or new to me as a friend and don't know what bipolar is; it's simply a mood disorder that makes a person go from one extreme to another, hence the name, bipolar - one pole to the other. One extreme being severe depression, and the other being severe mania. Sometimes you get a mixing of both extremes, which can be especially problematic. Mania is the fun side of the equation. You feel on top of the world and like you can do anything you want. For me, I tend to get very creative; some of the ideas are crazy but some of them can be worthwhile. Depression is the low side of the equation. It can range from simple melancholy to suicidal thoughts. I've been to both extremes in my lifetime.
Thankfully, there is medicine for this illness; which I take faithfully. Sometimes, though, medication isn't enough. Last year, I read a wonderful book called, "The Depression Cure" that gave some fantastic tips on how to beat depression. The author claimed it could be done without medication, and I believe him, but I stay on medication anyways, since I don't want to swing the other way into extreme mania.
Where does being bipolar fit into my walk with Christ? It makes me hang onto Him for dear life in times of depression. In mania I tend to become less engaged with my Christian walk, but I hold on even then because I know that a bout of mania is almost always followed by a bout of depression and that it's only a matter of time before it hits. Being bipolar can be extremely difficult at times, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. That being said, though, I don't think I'd trade it for another weakness at this point in my life. I've learned how to deal with it pretty well, minus a blip every now and again like I had today and a few weeks ago.
When I first struggled with the depression side of it, I remember a verse really sticking out to me. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." What I understand from that verse is that even though there will be difficulties and trials that come along, He is enough for me. His grace is sufficient, and I will make it through this difficulty just like I have so many in the past. Christ's grace surrounds me, and He is enough, He is more than enough. I have committed my whole life to this God, and I look forward to what He's going to do in the rest of my life.
Bipolar is a huge part of who I am. You see, I've had it since I was 17 I think, so it was there when I was trying to figure out who I was as a person in adolescence and early adulthood when you're shaping who you're going to become for the rest of your life. Sometimes, I let it get to be too big of a part of who I am, though. This isn't as true as it once was, I'm getting better at it; but sometimes I feel like being bipolar outweighs my being a Christian and that simply must not be. Christ defines who I am. Other things, like being bipolar, try to define who I am; but ultimately Christ alone is my ultimate 'definer' if that's even a word.
There's a book I've read on the subject of being bipolar, entitled "The Bipolar Advantage." It had some interesting perspectives, some of which I disagreed with whole-heartedly. But being bipolar does have some advantages in my opinion, just not the ones the author mentioned in that book. Having a mental illness of any sort makes one realize how weak they are, and thankfully in my case how much I need a Savior. It makes me realize that I cannot conquer this on my own, that I desperately need help in this area and all areas of my life for that matter. It protects me from feeling invincible all the time. It humbles me before my God and reminds me to turn to Him in times of trouble. It reminds me that God chooses to use our weaknesses to work through, as I've been able to give several other people hope that they can lead a fairly normal life in spite of being bipolar or whatever their mental illness might be. It reminds me that God is on the throne of my life, not me. Except for when I'm manic, of course, in which case I've been known to claim I was Jesus Himself; don't worry, I've asked for forgiveness several times and if God can't understand that I was in a wild state of mind than I don't think He'd be a God I could serve.
For those of you new to this blog or new to me as a friend and don't know what bipolar is; it's simply a mood disorder that makes a person go from one extreme to another, hence the name, bipolar - one pole to the other. One extreme being severe depression, and the other being severe mania. Sometimes you get a mixing of both extremes, which can be especially problematic. Mania is the fun side of the equation. You feel on top of the world and like you can do anything you want. For me, I tend to get very creative; some of the ideas are crazy but some of them can be worthwhile. Depression is the low side of the equation. It can range from simple melancholy to suicidal thoughts. I've been to both extremes in my lifetime.
Thankfully, there is medicine for this illness; which I take faithfully. Sometimes, though, medication isn't enough. Last year, I read a wonderful book called, "The Depression Cure" that gave some fantastic tips on how to beat depression. The author claimed it could be done without medication, and I believe him, but I stay on medication anyways, since I don't want to swing the other way into extreme mania.
Where does being bipolar fit into my walk with Christ? It makes me hang onto Him for dear life in times of depression. In mania I tend to become less engaged with my Christian walk, but I hold on even then because I know that a bout of mania is almost always followed by a bout of depression and that it's only a matter of time before it hits. Being bipolar can be extremely difficult at times, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. That being said, though, I don't think I'd trade it for another weakness at this point in my life. I've learned how to deal with it pretty well, minus a blip every now and again like I had today and a few weeks ago.
When I first struggled with the depression side of it, I remember a verse really sticking out to me. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." What I understand from that verse is that even though there will be difficulties and trials that come along, He is enough for me. His grace is sufficient, and I will make it through this difficulty just like I have so many in the past. Christ's grace surrounds me, and He is enough, He is more than enough. I have committed my whole life to this God, and I look forward to what He's going to do in the rest of my life.
4 comments:
You hit the nail on the head--good job buddy
Loved it! Don't we all have a little bit of it? Thank you Justin.
I will forever be grateful to you and Melissa Drobnak for being honest and transparent during our EIU days about your being bipolar. Although I had previously heard of the illness, I really knew very little about it. So, I researched it some. My hope was to get a better understanding of it in order to be a better friend to you guys and be compassionate and understanding as you walked through it.
That prepared me well for needing to have an understanding of the illness in my current life. My fiancé has a younger brother, Seth, who is bipolar. Having a rudimentary knowledge of this illness and having been around you two for extended periods of time and seeing you manage it made it familiar to me. That has really been beneficial to me. So thank you! :)
- Maryann
Thanks for sharing your heart, Justin. I think it's so true that God gives us things like this to lead us into a more complete humility dependence on him, as hard as that may be sometimes. Praying for you today...
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