Today was a tough morning so far. This morning, I Ieft Prague for Istanbul. Normally this would excite me. I'm going to Istanbul on my way to Yangon, Myanmar to start a new career. Truly, in some regards this is one of the most exciting times in my adult life thus far.
However, it is coinciding with leaving Stef behind at the airport. We had a very sweet 10 day vacation to Prague together. She came from Liberia to London first due to the Ebola virus outbreak. I came from the states and went to Prague first on my way to Myanmar. Now, I have left to make the trip to Myanmar (staying in Istanbul for one night to break up the trip a bit) and she will go back to London and be in limbo for a while.
The main point isn't where we're going to be but rather that it won't be together. During this trip to Prague, I proposed and she said yes. We are engaged now; even though we both still slip up sometimes and call each other boyfriend or girlfriend instead of fiance. I've had some great birthday presents in the past, but getting a fiance has to be by far the best one yet.
Sometimes, well maybe often times, goodbyes are bittersweet. This one is bitter because we just sealed the deal on us as a relationship and now we have to go another 3 months without seeing each other unless she gets a job in Yangon sooner rather than later. It is sweet because we got 10 days just to ourselves. Sharing time with family as a couple is sweet too, but there's something even more special about just being together, you and your significant other. Many people take this for granted but we sure don't. Our whole relationship has been long distance and so we truly cherish the times we get to spend together in person.
Once upon a time, I never could've foreseen what was to happen for me as a single man. I was bound and determined to be single for the rest of my life for the better part of a decade there. I went on a few dates here and there but had no intention of actually settling down with anyone. Now I look at where I am in life and am completely flabergasted. How did I end up here? How can I be at a place where I want to spend the rest of my life with someone?
When I'm with her, I'm the happiest I've ever been. It's not a fleeting happiness like times of mania either. It is a sustained happiness. Perhaps happiness isn't the right term, maybe it's joy. A joy that is only surpassed from the joy of knowing Jesus Christ. It is difficult to keep in perspective my priorities now. First is God, second is Stef. Stef means the world to me, but without a relationship to Jesus it wouldn't be nearly as sweet or fulfilling.
Stef said today that she knows she's a whole person apart from me and that I don't complete her as some sappy love songs or romantic comedies might suggest. She did add though that it has somehow affirmed her in her view of herself to feel loved and safe when I'm with her. I feel the same way. She means the world to me, I'm crazy about this godly woman whom God has blessed me with.
I don't feel I've ever been particularly good at goodbyes. If it's someone I love, I get especially choked up. Today was no different. We both had tears in our eyes as we ate breakfast in the airport.
Stef told me this trip that she had prayed for a man who was passionate about people in his life and had a heart that was broken by God. I replied by saying she may have gotten more than she bargained for. I cried the other day too when I realized just how close we were to saying goodbye. Whenever I spoke in front of church I'd get choked up too. I'm a passionate man, what can I say?
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