That's not to say I'm sadistic or anything of the sort. It's more realizing that I have a strong tendency to want to hog glory that really belongs to God. I can remember asking God why He chose to work through my weaknesses instead of my strengths. This was His answer to me, His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in my weaknesses.
It has taken a long time to submit to this idea; that God wants to work through my weaknesses to bring glory to Himself. In my heart I get it so to speak. My flesh still fights against that idea though. In my sinful nature, I tend towards selfishness. Maybe tend towards is putting it too lightly. If I had my way, everything would go just as I wanted them to.
Everything would go perfectly and there wouldn't be any interruptions to my plan and every day would feel amazing and purposeful. The problem with that of course is that if that was truly the case I would not become aware of my need for a Savior and Lord. Sometimes you have to become so broken that you truly have nowhere else to turn to.
I still struggle with depression sometimes; although I pray the longer episodes are behind me. A few years ago I went through about a 2 year depression, oscillating between moderate to severe levels. My friends and family knew of course and were hugely supportive. I just never want to go through it for that long again. If you go through depression for any significant length of time, a feeling of hopelessness can become a cloud that you think will never go away.
For the most part though, God has granted me mental stability through the last 15 years of my diagnosis. It is humbling to realize that the stability is all from Him. Yes, I'm on a mood stabilizer consistently and other psychotropic meds on an as-needed basis. I just happen to believe that is a form of common grace that God has blessed me and millions of other people who have mental illness with. I truly see no difference between me being on a mood stabilizer and a diabetic taking their insulin daily.
If God has blessed doctors and the medical field with wisdom on chemical imbalances and how to treat those, why would I not use that as an aid to getting better? Unfortunately, many Christians seem to think mental illness can be overcome by prayer alone. Sometimes prayer does bring about healing because God chooses to work in that person's life by healing them. Other times He provides medication and a support system that includes family, friends and medical professionals to help someone get through episodes of mania or depression. He allows His children to experience the depths of depression sometimes because in our weakness His strength is on display for all to see.
No comments:
Post a Comment