The Gift of a Handicap

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 in the Message paraphrase states the following...

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

This has been sort of a 'life verse' for me over the years.  As many of you know I was diagnosed with bipoloar disorder at age 17.  It has been a bit of a roller coaster ever since as you might imagine.  I have always found a lot of strength from this passage and think the message paraphrase puts it beautifully.

When a loved one is diagnosed with a chronic illness of any sort, either diabetes, mental illness, or any other multitude of them, our first thought is usually anything but seeing it as a gift.  A natural reaction is to feel sorry for ourselves whether we are the ones dealing with the illness or having to take care of that individual.  I can tell you for certain I've gone through the dreaded pity party many a time throughout the years.  If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time you can surely attest to that idea.

The first four years of my diagnosis I prayed almost daily for God to deliver me from this bipolar disorder.  Then the first episode of a major depression hit me my senior year of college.  I can remember being so angry with God; why didn't He deliver me from this?  All throughout Scripture and particularly in the Gospel accounts, God heals His people.  Why didn't the Healer provide healing for me?

Around that time I came across this passage and it clicked.  I usually read the NIV version and it states it differently of course, but the idea being God's grace is sufficient.  His grace is enough.  We are so quick to turn to God in our distress and ask Him to deliver us from whatever ailment we have.  Thankfully, sometimes He does deliver us.  Other times though, He answers that His grace is sufficient.

When I go through a depressive episode now, I truly try and appreciate it as a gift.  It is so hard.  I pray simultaneously that God would lift me out of the pit of depression.  On another level though I'm thankful.  Depression and pain have a way of throwing us to our knees and making us realize just how dependent we are on Him.