Rest assured, at this stage I
have come to the point that I neither find pride in nor insecurity in my having
bipolar disorder. Well, maybe sometimes
that’s the case, at least when I’m at my best.
Embracing our weaknesses for God’s glory and power to be made perfect is
a life lesson. It is so difficult to
learn, isn’t it? Our culture, inside and
outside the church I might add, screams at us to hide our weaknesses, I mean,
you don’t want to be seen as weak, do you?
The logical conclusion is that you should hide your weaknesses, whether
spoken outright or implied.
At this stage in the game I can
honestly say I enjoy being bipolar.
There are some crazy stories in my past which I’m not going to share
here, that’s for a later book to be written at a later date. Whenever I share some of those stories they’re
bound to get people, including me of course, into nothing short of belly
laughter. I mean, some of the things I went
through when I was first diagnosed in particular are the stuff of movies. Any aspiring actors want to play my lead role
in the movie that will follow my autobiographical book?? Alright, so maybe I’m exaggerating a bit
there, but it would probably be a mix between a comedy and drama of some sort. We could call it a comedrama perhaps? Maybe a dramedy?
And please don’t forget to
include all the grandiose delusions of differing levels that I’ve had through
countless episodes of mania. If you want
any ideas about pretty much anything; whether in reference to solving the world’s
problems or starting a multi-million dollar business that is profitable in the
first quarter of operation, just ask me while I’m manic. There is a great chance that if I’m not
already an expert on that subject matter than I will soon be an expert after an
hour, maximum, of research on the always reliable and truthful internet.
In addition to providing some
great tales that my grandkids will someday hopefully love and ask me to repeat
when they get older; I have been able to provide hope to sufferers of the
disorder themselves or family members of bipolar patients. Do you know how many people I’ve known who
either have bipolar disorder or know someone in their lives who was just
diagnosed? It’s an insanely high number. Coincidence doesn’t quite explain all those
instances in my humble opinion. We have
to be willing to boast about our weaknesses though, which doesn’t come easily.
I remember having a conversation
with someone at work about faith. She
said something along the lines of asking why I needed a crutch in my life like
God. I assured her I didn’t need a
crutch, but I did need a wheelchair, to quote Billy Graham’s daughter I
think? If having a mental illness is to
have taught me anything in this life, I can honestly say it’s to teach me to
increase my faith. You see, I see God
differently than most on account of having this disorder.
I have been drawn to my knees so
many times on account of deep levels of depression that all I’m left with is
praying my way through each day. My
pride has been broken so much and so often that I’m left knowing in my heart of
hearts that I can do nothing on my own apart from His strength. I remember sharing with my pastor back home
of how everyday all I could do was to wake up and pray for strength to get
through the day, that was just where I was at during that period of time. He replied that was beautiful. It took all of me not to punch his lights out
right then due to my extreme frustration at his seeming inability to comprehend
what I was going through on any level whatsoever. After I got through that episode of
depression, it occurred to me that he was in fact right, I just didn’t want to
hear it at that time.
No comments:
Post a Comment