The difficulties of reconciliation

Reconciliation is perhaps better termed a weapon of mass reconstruction.  Allow me to explain myself.  Reconciliation denotes that something has gone astray; otherwise there would be no need for reconciliation.  When is reconstruction needed the most?  Why, after a significant period of destruction of course!  Reconstruction can be thought of in the case of so called first world countries that go through natural disasters or periods of war.  The infrastructure is already there for the most part, it just needs to be rebuilt in some capacity.  The Marshall Plan for post WWII Europe is a great example of this.

Reconciliation is so difficult though, isn’t it?  Whether it’s among friends who have hurt one another deeply (anyone else been there?) or among different people groups, reconciliation is no small thing to be strived toward.  Without it though, what are you left with?  Hard feelings persist and no one is able to rebuild anything be it a friendship or a nation.  Scars remain long after the battle has been fought, the only way to heal a nation’s or a person’s wounds, is reconciliation. 

How do you reconcile when you’re so filled with rage that you can’t see straight?  How do you reconcile when one people group has just attempted an entire country-wide genocide?  How do you reconcile when a Nazi guard murdered your sister?  How do you reconcile when an adult man was acquitted after murdering an unarmed youth?  Each of these cases is different to be sure.  Maybe there’s a way forward in each of them that starts similarly though.

Take the first step.  Take the first step towards the other.  I can’t imagine the pain from a cheating spouse, but I also dare say reconciliation is better than divorce.  Sometimes, as in the case of a cheating spouse who has no repentance in their heart, reconciliation cannot be achieved, at least not in the way we like to think of it.  One way we can be assured that reconciliation will not have a chance to happen though is to not take the first step.

People and relationships are messy.  It is almost always best to take the first step.  Even when you’ve been wronged, either firstly or unquestionably the most, take the first step.  This is so difficult and runs against the very grain that makes us human.  It destroys our pride, why would we humble ourselves to another person who we ultimately see as beneath us?  But take the first step we must.  If we are to have any chance at reconciling our relationship with another person or nation, we must take the first step forward.  Whether it’s admitting to Iraq that we made a huge mistake and had bad intelligence, or admitting to our friend that we said a really stupid thing out of a knee-jerk reaction, it’s so difficult to do. 

There is no other way forward though, is there?  We can wait for the other person to make the first step, only to realize several years or tragically decades in some instances have passed and we haven’t talked to the person only to have forgotten the original argument we were having with them.  South Africa still has a long way to go, but imagine how far behind it would be had it not voted for Nelson Mandela who focused on reconciliation?  The same thing can be said for Rwanda and moving forward from a stance of mutual reconciliation.